If You've ever been Abducted and Anally Probed by Extraterrestrial Sasquatch Aliens, Report to ICE Hotline at Homeland Security

The Beast "45" has unleashed his latest racist, fascistic propaganda tool: a hotline for people to specifically report crimes committed against them by undocumented immigrants, or, as the hotline refers to them, “criminal aliens,”VOICE (Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement).

Just couldn't resist this one.

Views: 134

Comment by Rosigami on April 28, 2017 at 3:40pm

I understand that is EXACTLY the kinds of reports they are getting.

Comment by nanatehay on April 28, 2017 at 3:46pm

This is a very timely post, James, given that I was just abducted and anally probed by aliens last week. Well, that or I passed out at a frat party. All I can say for certain is that I was having a pretty good time, then things got all blurry, and next thing I knew I was waking up in a ditch along a back-road outside Bakersfield with my pants on upside down and my butt hurting. WTF, man!

Comment by Jonathan Wolfman on April 28, 2017 at 3:53pm

nana   tell us how you feel, now, about all of it

Comment by nanatehay on April 28, 2017 at 4:08pm

I would, Jon, but I am still simply too prostate with grief about it for now to remember all the details.  I do know that when I came fully back to consciousness in that ditch, Dennis Hopper was standing there just... looking at me. He was wearing a sequined, egret-plumed half-mask, but I knew it was Mr. Hopper because he was breathing into one of those oxygen apparatuses like what he used in Blue Velvet when he was flirting with Isabella Rossellini. 

Comment by Jonathan Wolfman on April 28, 2017 at 4:11pm

among my favorite films

Comment by nanatehay on April 28, 2017 at 4:24pm

David Lynch is one of my heroes, most definitely. His use of surrealistically creepy motifs to heighten tension and get in your head was nothing if not virtuosic. 

https://youtu.be/gmsrO8xpe-w

Comment by Safe Bet's Amy on April 28, 2017 at 4:27pm

If You've ever been Abducted and Anally Probed by Extraterrestrial Sasquatch Aliens, Report to ICE Hotline at Homeland Security

What if they weren't "Extraterrestrial Sasquatch Aliens", but were some other kind?  For example, if it was the Captain Janet of the Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space I probably would like it!

Image result for pirate lesbians from outer space

Comment by Safe Bet's Amy on April 28, 2017 at 4:30pm

...next thing I knew I was waking up in a ditch along a back-road outside Bakersfield with my pants on upside down and my butt hurting. 

Pictures or it never happened!

Comment by nanatehay on April 28, 2017 at 4:54pm

Alright, Amy, since a picture is worth a thousand words:  

As near as I can remember, the aliens unfortunately didn't look anything like this - 

https://flic.kr/p/UigHUD

They looked more like this, but with big grey heads and weird eyes and matching polo shirts - 

https://flic.kr/p/UdhTqS

Now, while I won't claim I looked like this when I woke up in that ditch, I certainly did feel this way - 

https://flic.kr/p/THDzTd

And yes, that redaction bar is actual size.  

 

Comment by Foolish Monkey on April 28, 2017 at 6:40pm

In my humpy pubescent days, I became obsessed with seducing and even abducting aliens every chance I got. I found the big headed guys to be pleasantly compliant to all my internal finger puppeting.  what can I say? I was a curious kid who was wildly dextrous!

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