I try to keep it light. It takes me hours to unwind, and get settled into the current project which is Raytheon5. I try to ignore the sense of urgency; that feeling everything is on the line, because everything is always on the line. I’ve been able to secure that line pretty well, but Nature holds all the cards, all the time.
The Red Rocket rolled for hours and hours over the previous two days into the overbuilt ultra suburban cutting edge technocracy from which my world evolved, mostly reluctantly. I’m not the applied science type, and never liked working indoors. My first four decades were mostly spent in the field. I had to sit to do research papers for grad school, but still got field time in, even then.
Wrangling the MIC, the mob, and the money was not my idea, ever. I observed for decades, but had no desire to be any part of that triangle. I kept my eye on her, Nature, as those three spun themselves into digital from analog; from copper to fiber optic, vacuum tube to chip. I also studied the history of communications, as this was the business of our community, in addition to Environmental History, which puts Nature at the center and culture in its place.
Nature is Physics, no blackboard required. Getting wound up in the cultural minutia is hard to avoid. I try, but when I’m in I’m not playing, I’m trying to keep it light, because I’ve lived it heavy, and have chosen this tack because it feels better. I can turn on a dime, but prefer to putter forward, happily, and peacefully, doing my work, at my own pace.
Stress is a killer, and I’m in no hurry to finish this course. I’ve had to adjust to keep stress manageable. I do this by doing less, half as much actually as I used to. I’m letting the kids run things, and I’ve backed off. I’m feeling stronger and peacefully navigating chaos, on my own terms, but I’m not playing. I’m keeping it light but I’m keeping it real.
Finally, today I am not driving. I not playing either, I’m half at it, and not at all ashamed by that. The trail calls, the rain has stopped, and the bay awaits my arrival.