I Had a Father's Day Breakfast Once.... (OS Archive - 2010)

In car on the way to breakfast with Mom, Dad and two sons:

Youngest Obsessa-Boy:  "...and with my $3.82 I just saved from last week I can get the new fork on my mountain bike..."

Dad:  "What kind of fork, a Specialized or Kona?" 

Mom/Me, thinking:  I wonder if my saying 'Jewish friend' on that comment seemed like saying 'my White friend' or 'my Muslim friend' more?  Is that a race or religion comparison..??   ...and either way that didn't sound so..." 

Youngest Obsessa-Boy:  "I like the small fork, the Kona Stinky---"

Middle Son/Gem Spiller:  "I had a small stinky once."

Mom/Me, looking out the window, thinking :  "There goes our church that we quit going to because.....  hmmm, that might be a cool thing to write about..."

Obsessa-Boy:  "....and remember Mom how you still owe me $ 1.37 from the other day because you...? So I really have mumble mumble mumble for my fork......"

Mom/Me:  "Hmmmm...?"

Middle Son/Gem-Spiller:  "Youngest, 'fork' over my IPod before I 'Kona' you!"

Dad:  "I got forked once."

At the Restaurant we meet Oldest Son:

"Hi. Hi. Hi."    


We're seated, we settle.

Middle Son/Gem-Spiller:  "Knock, knock.."

Youngest Obsessa-Boy:  "Is this a mountain bike joke?"

Everyone:  "No!" 

Middle Son/Gem-Spiller:  "Knock-knock!"

Oldest:  "Who's there?"

Middle Son/Gem Spiller:  "Broken Pencil."

Obsessa Boy:  "Broken pencil who?..."

Middle Son, not gem spilling but silent:  "................"

Oldest:  "Tell the joke!"

Gem Spiller:  "Oh never mind, it's Pointless.."

"Ha ha ha"  all around.

Mom:  "I have a joke for you."

Everyone looks confused. Mom doesn't joke.

Mom:  "It's kinda' bad, I found it on Open Salon, but I'm still laughing..."

Nanatehay's Poor White Trash Joke ensues...


Oldest:  "Oh my god, Mom...."

The whole table:  ".........."

Middle Son/Gem-Spiller/Tension Diffuser:  "You know you're a Red-Neck if you've gotten married three times and you still have the same in-laws."

Dad:  "I was a red-neck once..."

Mom:  "I also posted a comment on the same Poor White Trash blog:

" 'Our house is so small the kids' bedroom is in the bathroom.'..."

Oldest:  "But that was True!"

Mom:  "I know, I couldn't resist..."

Youngest:  "What?"

Middle Son:  "This was before you, we had bunk beds in the bathroom...well, it was across the same room from the bathroom, but there was a big space and Mom hung a curtain..."

Youngest, aghast:  "You were that poor? Where were you!?"

(We've moved around a lot.) 

Middle Son:  "This was Northern Cal., when we lived in So-and-So's cabin." 

Oldest:  "Yeah, when you were a hippie, Mom..."

Mom:  "I wasn't a hippie...."

Cut-to-the-chase Oldest:  "Oh yeah, you just had hair to your waist, skirts to the floor, we lived in a one-room cabin and had "circles" before every meal...

"Sure, you weren't a hippie..." 

Dad:  "Technically, it wasn't a bathroom, the toilet wasn't in there.."

Oldest:  "The toilet was an outhouse!  Youngest, you are spoiled rotten." 

Middle Son/Gem-Spiller/Peace-maker:  "I have the best stories of all my friends of being a little kid, I loved living in the woods. Town kids were wussy..." 

Oldest:  "Why are you writing all that crap online anyway?"

Mom:  "I like it...I've written alone long enough, I'm having fun. I've talked to a guy in Finland this week, a retired fighter pilot, a woman in Nassau whose front door we're showing up at soon if it doesn't hurry up and get warm around here, an amazing painter/writer, many more cool folks.....

.....and I've actually remembered a joke!" 

Dad:  "To be fair, I'm not sure that's a joke that ought to be remembered, my love....but I like that you're happy."

Oldest:  "Isn't that the truth, when Momma's happy....  oh, that's not how that goes...."

Momma thinks to herself:  "That *is* how it's supposed to go...."

Meal finishes.

Youngest Obsessa-Boy to Oldest:  "Can I have the change in your truck because then I'll have this specific amount for my mountain bike fork?" 

Eye-rolls all around... 

On plant-lined walk outside of restaurant...

Youngest Obsessa-Boy, hyped up on pancake syrup, goes and pulls tropical leaf off landscape plant and begins thwacking Oldest who is hyped-up on maté and is also just a hyped-up guy so he also pulls off tropical leaf when he's way too old for this and should know better, and back-and-forth thwacking ensues...

Dad:  "Maybe I'll mow the yard when we get home." 

Middle Son/Gem-Spiller to Dad:  "You know you're a Red-Neck if you mow the lawn and you find a car..."

Dad:  "That'd be cool, I need a new car."

Mom, thinking:  "How do I bottle up this day?

"....maybe I could write about it..." 

Youngest Boy thwacks Middle Son.

Middle Son/Gem Spiller:  "Oh leaf me alone." 


Original comments:
Ain't life grand? Now we see what your "other" life is like. Wonderful!
Thanks for that --- a really nice day today, a bit par for the course...
Thanks for your comment sweetfeet : )
The puns just keep rolling! : )
Hah, this was funny! I missed your redneck joke on nana's post, but I'm sure you had to have laughed at my hunchback rat joke, right?
scanner -- that's what made me think of my house is so small 'joke'... we have plumbing now. 
: )
This is awesome. I love your family. I might copy this format like a big fat copycat and do the same for mine. This is so hilarious. r
maureennow---Glad you enjoyed, Hubby's mad that Middle Son stole all his jokes in the story but Hey...
Steal the format away and have fun with it!
Thanks JW, Family is fun...especially when they let you live after my revealing our most personal bonding style...
Heehee! You've got a bunch of witty guys there. Funny post!
That's how it oughta be . . .
owl -- so glad you came by, I always wanted a laugh-together kind of family, I can hardly believe my good fortune that way...
Thanks Mark, but I can't entirely take credit --- this is mostly a (rearranged) transcript and the result is really the punsters' work over here. 
I did enjoy the compiling though, glad you liked it!
Oh, and thank you as well j lynne : )
How perfect life is when you get one day where everything flows and everyone is gracious to one another. Somehow I think family genetics makes that nearly impossible! I really enjoyed your family time...
Such a spot-on portrayal of real chatter.rated.
@Susan and Caroline: Thanks ! , glad you enjoyed....
Great dialog and reflection with your boys. Just love how they question why we write? Kids can't imagine 3 things about their parents:
That we were ever young
That we ever have sex
That we can write

Doggone kids, anyway!
Just Cathy --- Isn't that the truth....thanks for coming by!

Views: 55

Comment by Anna Herrington on May 22, 2015 at 4:50pm

Good god, someone's been rifling around in the *very* back of my closet!!!


Fun. Thanks, L  : )

I seem to have had an obsession with '.....'s alot, back in 2010....    ( No more do I have that obsession, of course - oh no, not I.)

Should I get rid of the old comments?? Not very exciting, I see.  

I just copied over stuff from 'there' in a hurry.

Comment by koshersalaami on May 22, 2015 at 5:35pm

Naah, just because you want to remember those people. 

It was good, though. Does the middle child live at home any more? 

Comment by Anna Herrington on May 23, 2015 at 8:15am

Hi kosh - and thanks on the old comment thread...odd to have no avatars.... I'll keep them for now, anyway  : )

Middle son, Noah, is about to graduate from uni, U of O in Eugene, specializing in accounting - he can't wait to be a CPA in a giant accounting firm. He has worked and gotten grants to pay for all of his schooling.  I've noticed he still gets the family laughing when we're together.

Oldest, James, is now father of two - and a walking encyclopedia on soils, mycorrhizal amendments, organic farming, landscape/drainage issues and plants - he farms and is consultant for organic farmers. He and I are the ones who will chat around the table together, discussing aphids, snails, and the bizarrely fun practice of walking in the garden each morning at dawn, cracking open a fresh beer, picking off snails and slugs and dumping them in.

Organic gardening is a tough business. 

Youngest, Elias, is now almost 17 1/2 and after breaking his elbow mountain biking years ago, his obsessions have moved on. Currently swamped in AP finals and next week is the end of the school year! Senior, next year. He's coming into his own.

Some days I just cannot believe how grateful I am to have had children at all. 

Thanks for visiting this ancient post  : )


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