In car on the way to breakfast with Mom, Dad and two sons:
Youngest Obsessa-Boy: "...and with my $3.82 I just saved from last week I can get the new fork on my mountain bike..."
Dad: "What kind of fork, a Specialized or Kona?"
Mom/Me, thinking: I wonder if my saying 'Jewish friend' on that comment seemed like saying 'my White friend' or 'my Muslim friend' more? Is that a race or religion comparison..?? ...and either way that didn't sound so..."
Youngest Obsessa-Boy: "I like the small fork, the Kona Stinky---"
Middle Son/Gem Spiller: "I had a small stinky once."
Mom/Me, looking out the window, thinking : "There goes our church that we quit going to because..... hmmm, that might be a cool thing to write about..."
Obsessa-Boy: "....and remember Mom how you still owe me $ 1.37 from the other day because you...? So I really have mumble mumble mumble for my fork......"
Middle Son/Gem-Spiller: "Youngest, 'fork' over my IPod before I 'Kona' you!"
Dad: "I got forked once."
At the Restaurant we meet Oldest Son:
"Hi. Hi. Hi."
We're seated, we settle.
Middle Son/Gem-Spiller: "Knock, knock.."
Youngest Obsessa-Boy: "Is this a mountain bike joke?"
Middle Son/Gem-Spiller: "Knock-knock!"
Oldest: "Who's there?"
Middle Son/Gem Spiller: "Broken Pencil."
Obsessa Boy: "Broken pencil who?..."
Middle Son, not gem spilling but silent: "................"
Oldest: "Tell the joke!"
Gem Spiller: "Oh never mind, it's Pointless.."
"Ha ha ha" all around.
Mom: "I have a joke for you."
Everyone looks confused. Mom doesn't joke.
Mom: "It's kinda' bad, I found it on Open Salon, but I'm still laughing..."
Nanatehay's Poor White Trash Joke ensues...
Oldest: "Oh my god, Mom...."
The whole table: ".........."
Middle Son/Gem-Spiller/Tension Diffuser: "You know you're a Red-Neck if you've gotten married three times and you still have the same in-laws."
Dad: "I was a red-neck once..."
Mom: "I also posted a comment on the same Poor White Trash blog:
" 'Our house is so small the kids' bedroom is in the bathroom.'..."
Oldest: "But that was True!"
Mom: "I know, I couldn't resist..."
Middle Son: "This was before you, we had bunk beds in the bathroom...well, it was across the same room from the bathroom, but there was a big space and Mom hung a curtain..."
Youngest, aghast: "You were that poor? Where were you!?"
(We've moved around a lot.)
Middle Son: "This was Northern Cal., when we lived in So-and-So's cabin."
Oldest: "Yeah, when you were a hippie, Mom..."
Mom: "I wasn't a hippie...."
Cut-to-the-chase Oldest: "Oh yeah, you just had hair to your waist, skirts to the floor, we lived in a one-room cabin and had "circles" before every meal...
"Sure, you weren't a hippie..."
Dad: "Technically, it wasn't a bathroom, the toilet wasn't in there.."
Oldest: "The toilet was an outhouse! Youngest, you are spoiled rotten."
Middle Son/Gem-Spiller/Peace-maker: "I have the best stories of all my friends of being a little kid, I loved living in the woods. Town kids were wussy..."
Oldest: "Why are you writing all that crap online anyway?"
Mom: "I like it...I've written alone long enough, I'm having fun. I've talked to a guy in Finland this week, a retired fighter pilot, a woman in Nassau whose front door we're showing up at soon if it doesn't hurry up and get warm around here, an amazing painter/writer, many more cool folks.....
.....and I've actually remembered a joke!"
Dad: "To be fair, I'm not sure that's a joke that ought to be remembered, my love....but I like that you're happy."
Oldest: "Isn't that the truth, when Momma's happy.... oh, that's not how that goes...."
Momma thinks to herself: "That *is* how it's supposed to go...."
Youngest Obsessa-Boy to Oldest: "Can I have the change in your truck because then I'll have this specific amount for my mountain bike fork?"
Eye-rolls all around...
On plant-lined walk outside of restaurant...
Youngest Obsessa-Boy, hyped up on pancake syrup, goes and pulls tropical leaf off landscape plant and begins thwacking Oldest who is hyped-up on maté and is also just a hyped-up guy so he also pulls off tropical leaf when he's way too old for this and should know better, and back-and-forth thwacking ensues...
Dad: "Maybe I'll mow the yard when we get home."
Middle Son/Gem-Spiller to Dad: "You know you're a Red-Neck if you mow the lawn and you find a car..."
Dad: "That'd be cool, I need a new car."
Mom, thinking: "How do I bottle up this day?
"....maybe I could write about it..."
Youngest Boy thwacks Middle Son.
Middle Son/Gem Spiller: "Oh leaf me alone."