ok, first, after i wrote that post yesterday,  i didnt cry anymore. okay, i cried, but normal crying, a few tears, a loss of composure - not jesus christ holly youre scaring yourself.  so that is good.

i am not honest on here anymore you know, and it increases my feeling of being alone, which is only natural.  i used to share everything with you guys, and 85-90% with at least a couple real life friends.  now?  nothing.  i just keep that smile on as well as i humanly can.

but here is good news:  keith got my new car fixed yesterday, and it will pass inspection!  now, my old car, you will recall, was an adorable station wagon that got insane gas mileage. but at this point it has a minimum of 225,000 miles on it.  thats a lot.  and the rust is getting bad.  and its been humiliatingly loud, no matter what he did to fix it, for years now.

the new car has 78,000 fewer miles.  thats a freaking lot.  thats a whole lifespan for some cars.

its only 1 year newer - a 1999, but its in great shape and safe in the snow and its automatic - i dont want standard anymore.  tired of standard.  tired of being nervous when stopped on a hill in traffic.  what i will miss about a standard is cruising up a hill, smoothe as pie, and increasing my speed, so the big lumbering SUVs couldn't get past me.  or going up to my old place of employment, many windy mountain roads, and having to make myself slow down bc the jeep in front of me was petering out.  i drove my standard masterfully, and i know that is a surprise, but true.

but my brain is such that i cant do it any more.  i had literally just started randomly shifting. like, my brain said shift, and i would be in 5th doing 30.  or i would be doing 55 and for no known reason, downshift.  so, new car, my brain doesnt need to remember that stuff.

but the new car is not even the best news except that - THE CD PLAYER WORKS.  so i can play my music!   i have been without a cd player for years, and youtube can tide me over, it can suffice, but it is not the same.  youtube does not have john hiatt's complete tiki bar record, which is the one i searched for to be the first one i played, and i played it twice.  then i played american beauty - that IS on youtube, but my computer has such quiet speakers, its not the same.

so.

there we go.  

court tonight.  will miss a writing group i am in, and i decided to give up the writing group, for now.  for now i need to focus on getting us out of here, and that class is a real emotional and time investment. lest you think its mean to talk about leaving when keith just gave me that car, after spending days repairing it to make it nice and safe, and will let me take it with me when i go - believe me, that man is ready for me to go.  ready.  past ready.  he got me the car knowing it would be a parting gift.

Views: 157

Comment by Arthur James on February 18, 2016 at 6:35am

`

We were Hopping for

more Horrible News?

I Love Rusted PU's,

no good Batter,

Holes in Floor so

Ya's can drop beer

cans through floor

Holes, and a Wild

Woman who no

Smirk and Has

Bo Low-Self

Esteem. If a

Battery Dead

She Loves to

Push Rusty

PU Bumper.

`

Congratulation.

Ya's Might Love

the Grubb that

Otters Call Mud?

`

Comment by DaisyJane on February 18, 2016 at 7:00am

arthur - i dont think i will love mud, unless it is a special otter concoction - then i might.

rusty pickups are nice vehicles, especially the old old ones, with the big fat rounded hoods. but i confess, i woudln't want to push one!

in the john hiatt record?  one song is called "my old friend" and a line where he is reminiscing about being young, with his (now old) friend is, "a corvair with no floorboards.  a gibson hummingbird.  patchouli oil, and motor oil, and we knew all the words."

he is a WONDERFUL writer.

yeah, glad its no more horrible news.  wish us luck tonight.

Comment by JMac1949 Today on February 18, 2016 at 9:15am

Hoping for the best for you and yours.

Comment by Ron Powell on February 18, 2016 at 12:56pm
Is this a 'mood swing'? :-)
Comment by Token on February 18, 2016 at 1:54pm

what can be said, except hang in there....

Comment by koshersalaami on February 18, 2016 at 3:05pm

Standards are a pain in the ass in bumper to bumper traffic. I drive long distances, so I very often have to go far after I hit it, so I don't want to bother. 

Gibson Hummingbird? I had to part with my old Martin and so, for my last major birthday, I got one. 
Plays and sounds really good. Not that deep blend when strumming of a Martin D28, but I finger pick when I play, almost always alone, and it's better for that. 

Comment by DaisyJane on February 18, 2016 at 5:13pm

thanks everyone.  we had court.  uneventful tonight, will give a further update when i dont want to ruin the tenuously okay feeling i have right now.

kosher?  that is a beauty.  i once had a boy tell me he liked me as much as his d28.  i didnt know then that that meant he really liked me.  you should make us a video or audio of you playing it.  bet its very pretty.

Comment by Lois Wickstrom on February 21, 2016 at 12:56pm

Wishing you all the best!

Comment by DaisyJane on February 21, 2016 at 5:56pm

thank you, lois!

Comment by Alysa Salzberg on February 23, 2016 at 4:36pm

Read your news, after being thrilled about the OC you started.  Wishing you good luck and good journeys in that car.

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