i was asking for help with insomnia & may have found the answer. thanks to a serendipitous mix up between an herb store & and "herb" store...

the whole saga of an incompetent and possibly misogynist psychiatrist prescribing the wrong meds.. well, failing to prescribe the right meds. and the resulting months of the pain and suffering of insomnia and anxiety and bipolar depression. not so fun, is below....

but much more important is a lovely mix up that has led to the solution. well, it will be that once i get the dosage and the contraindications figured out. 

so i was desperate to get a handle on these extreme symptoms. my regular MD who is an angel on earth sent me to a naturopath at the clinic. she prescribed me a shitload of herbs to make in to tea and sent me to an herb store located, thankfully, just down a few roads from where i live. an especially wonderful turn of events considering that i am agoraphobic and yada yada yada...

now, i am not a conservative person by any means. way back in the day i experimented with quaaludes -- a major favorite -- and LSD and mescaline and well, you get the idea but that was kind of it. not so much in to the smoking stuff. and all these decades later not really up on the laws pertaining to those products.

the natural doctor had told me the street that the Herb place  was on but not the exact address. so i get to the general area and i see a store, on the right side of the minor hwy, with a giant leaf design on the window and i figure this is it. i let my trusty sweet sweet sweet senior service dog cocoa chanel out -- she is an adorable chi/min pin/dachshund mix that people immediately fall in love with but that is a whole other story.

we are out of the car and we head up the stairs. the door is locked and we have to be buzzed in but i am still not getting the idea. and there are canisters containing all kinds of what look like herbs... on shelves all along the several walls of the store.

the guy behind the counter asks for my ID and writes down the information, which seems odd to me. i am still not catching on. i know, i know. i'm blaming it all on the insomnia. that's my story...

he is very hip and kind of slick. not what i was expecting, which was someone more on the hippy dippy side but i tell him that i'm looking for some herbs and i pull out the list and he is kind enough to not laugh in my face.

he sweetly explains to me that they sell a different kind of Herb and i'm, well, color me red. as i said, i am not a fan of smoking so i ask him about edibles. mild edibles. i know that much. that you can eat pot in various forms. and i have a vague idea that things have gotten a quantum leap more sophisticated than what i knew way back then. so maybe there are kinds of marijuana that are specifically for anxiety or insomnia.

well, this guy of course sees that i am a complete novice and probably not ready to imbibe.. and he pulls out something that he tells me is called CBD. and that it is helpful for humans and also DOGS. well, i look down at my wonderpup... she is, as always, excited about anything i'm interested in. she's 14 but she is spry and happy to be Out the House.

okay, enough of this. i feel like shit and i apologize for this awful writing.

i buy the CBD and look across the street and there is the Herbarium!!! unfortunately it's on the other side of a kind of minor highway but still a highway so cocoa and i come close to getting hit by a car. i have got to get us some reflective clothing. she is very fashion conscious. and political. insists on being called a Canine American...

the herb shop is very hippy dippy. peter max would feel at home there. and the kinder gentler artists of the period. got my 5 herbs. cost 4 dollars. the CBD was 60. we'll see what is worth the investment.

what happened:

okay, so, i was taken off a bipolar med that had turned on me and was poisoning me, causing dizziness and numbness and falling down in parking lots... not as fun as it might sound.

unfortunately, that drug has a serious sedative effect which was extremely helpful. before that i was on something else that allowed me to sleep. before that i was clinically depressed and slept all the time.

so i have never had trouble sleeping and am sorely tempted to go back on the Dizzy stuff because i would rather fall down everywhere than feel the way i do now.

love love love and gratitude -- well, not, not so much with that right now.

teddy et al

answer to kosh's question about my doctor changing up my meds and whatever. pretty much a long novella:

my doctor is a ........ asshole. not going to use the words i want to use. he was the one who figured out that it was the seroquel that had turned on me. so that's great. said he was going to wean me off it. again, that's okay. i asked him if it wouldn't make sense for him to give me another bipolar med. since the seroquel was such a strong one. he said not. that the lamotrigine was fine by itself. and he told me i had to go off the lorazepam because he read that it's bad for geriatrics. well, i am agoraphobic which means that i have EXTREME anxiety. and i am not a drug addict -- i get regular urine tests since my clinic helps a lot of recovering people -- and i did not care about the old people shit. i joked at first. said i was really immature. he has no sense of humor. fucking ..... asshole.

cut the loraz way down. i went to get a refill of the very small dosage. he had canceled it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! never had anyone do that to me in many many decades. embarrassing in front of the pharmacy people i've gone to for 10 plus years.

and of course i should have gone to another meds doc --as we looney tunes call these people -- but i was really fucked up. was falling, getting lost, fuzzy thinking, hands were kind of like tremors. very bad. and i didn't know that they had another prescriber in that clinic. (good news. i finally thought to ask my wonderful non-asshole regular doctor and turns out there is someone else and she's hooking me up. ) meanwhile i lost months to, well, complete hell.

so for months i am so fucking depressed that i seriously could not get out of bed. well, barely. because that c---s------ asshole took me off a major med without giving me a replacement and took me off my anxiety med@!!!! with no replacement. i was just thinking that i should sue the motherfucker but he works at a clinic and has no money. and it's a bad thing to do. i sued my father for incest damages so i would not kill him and i was planning to go back to boston and killing him --and that did not turn out well.

so months go by and i keep calling and making appointments with the CS and with my therapist but of course i can't keep them. and i can't even take a freaking uber or whatever. because i can barely get out of bed. and i can NOT leave my apartment. this happens to me a lot, not being able to even get to the mailbox downstairs. yes, it is that bad. but that was the worst it's been in a long time.

and they tell me that they have a new outreach therapist who can come to me! and i'm so relieved and thrilled. but, of course, turns out that there is a line of people needing to see her and yada yada yada... i pointed out that they should not have gotten my hopes up and they agreed. these were the therapy people who are basically very good and kind. not like the c---s----- asshole.

and this whole time i cannot fucking sleep!!!! but i don't realize this at first because i was too depressed to realize anything. to put any of it together.

so i do finally make it in there, months and months later. and i see the CS again and ask him for another bipolar med and for something for anxiety and for fucking SLEEP. he won't put me on another bipolar med. i have no fucking idea why. because he's a cS, i guess. puts me on a depression drug that is supposed to treat the anxiety. of course it makes me more anxious. and the main side effect????????????????????????? WEIGHT GAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am old and no longer attractive but i am still vain. i'm a woman. he raised the amount of gabapentin, said that would help with the anxiety. this is not known for that.

and, again, i am not in my right mind at all so i go home and i have no sleep stuff or anxiety stuff and not enough bipolar support and i can't even get my mind around it now, now that i'm better. but still can't sleep. he obviously didnt' want to get sued because he took me off the lorazepam because of the old people thing. so why the flying fuck??? well, it all makes no sense. and he doesn't seem to get that i am extremely intelligent. which does me absolutely no good in my exceptionally downwardly mobile life. but, again, i was not in a right mind so i didn't put that together until recently, that he thought i was an idiot. probably a misogynist.

finally saw my good doctor. got myself to the appointment. thank god. and she put me on a sleep thing. related to benadryl. it didn't work which i knew it wouldn't because i'm immune to benadryl but she meant well. and she helped me with everything else. and she has a great sense of humor -- doesn't seem like this here but i am very very funny, especially when i am manic which i usually am when i see her and she lets me riff and rant and she laughs at all of it, genuinely and i love her so much.

i have a long fun story about herbs versus "herbs" which i will tell at some point. but long story short, i think i have a solution finally. i was given this stuff called CBD which i'm sure you all know about it. and i took it yesterday and i got really sleepy!!!! not high exactly but just kind of happy. i'm going to go back and see if i can get some very mild edibles because i learned from a friend that they are very specific now. that you can get pot for anxiety or for sleep or whatever. such great news!!! which to fuck i thought about this so much sooner. but i was never a pot person and i had barely registered that it was legal, even thought there is a pot store across from rite aid where i go all the time. -

fucking shit, i just wrote a fucking novella. i will put this in the body of the post too because i'm sure that others will wonder why i didn't go to someone else and i so would have if, well, i wasn't clinically depressed and out of my mind.

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Views: 168

Comment by koshersalaami on January 5, 2019 at 9:27pm

If your doctor took you off that med, what does he/she suggest?

Comment by Theodora L'Engle Knight on January 5, 2019 at 10:28pm

my doctor is a ........ asshole. not going to use the words i want to use. he was the one who figured out that it was the seroquel that had turned on me. so that's great. said he was going to wean me off it. again, that's okay. i asked him if it wouldn't make sense for him to give me another bipolar med. since the seroquel was such a strong one. he said not. that the lamotrigine was fine by itself. and he told me i had to go off the lorazepam because he read that it's bad for geriatrics. well, i am agoraphobic which means that i have EXTREME anxiety. and i am not a drug addict -- i get regular urine tests since my clinic helps a lot of recovering people -- and i did not care about the old people shit. i joked at first. said i was really immature. he has no sense of humor. fucking ..... asshole.

cut the loraz way down. i went to get a refill of the very small dosage. he had canceled it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! never had anyone do that to me in many many decades. embarrassing in front of the pharmacy people i've gone to for 10 plus years.

and of course i should have gone to another meds doc --as we looney tunes call these people -- but i was really fucked up. was falling, getting lost, fuzzy thinking, hands were kind of like tremors. very bad. and i didn't know that they had another prescriber in that clinic. (good news. i finally thought to ask my wonderful non-asshole regular doctor and turns out there is someone else and she's hooking me up. ) meanwhile i lost months to, well, complete hell.

so for months i am so fucking depressed that i seriously could not get out of bed. well, barely. because that c---s------ asshole took me off a major med without giving me a replacement and took me off my anxiety med@!!!! with no replacement. i was just thinking that i should sue the motherfucker but he works at a clinic and has no money. and it's a bad thing to do. i sued my father for incest damages so i would not kill him and i was planning to go back to boston and killing him --and that did not turn out well.

so months go by and i keep calling and making appointments with the CS and with my therapist but of course i can't keep them. and i can't even take a freaking uber or whatever. because i can barely get out of bed. and i can NOT leave my apartment. this happens to me a lot, not being able to even get to the mailbox downstairs. yes, it is that bad. but that was the worst it's been in a long time.

and they tell me that they have a new outreach therapist who can come to me! and i'm so relieved and thrilled. but, of course, turns out that there is a line of people needing to see her and yada yada yada... i pointed out that they should not have gotten my hopes up and they agreed. these were the therapy people who are basically very good and kind. not like the c---s----- asshole.

and this whole time i cannot fucking sleep!!!! but i don't realize this at first because i was too depressed to realize anything. to put any of it together.

so i do finally make it in there, months and months later. and i see the CS again and ask him for another bipolar med and for something for anxiety and for fucking SLEEP. he won't put me on another bipolar med. i have no fucking idea why. because he's a cS, i guess. puts me on a depression drug that is supposed to treat the anxiety. of course it makes me more anxious. and the main side effect????????????????????????? WEIGHT GAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am old and no longer attractive but i am still vain. i'm a woman. he raised the amount of gabapentin, said that would help with the anxiety. this is not known for that.

and, again, i am not in my right mind at all so i go home and i have no sleep stuff or anxiety stuff and not enough bipolar support and i can't even get my mind around it now, now that i'm better. but still can't sleep. he obviously didnt' want to get sued because he took me off the lorazepam because of the old people thing. so why the flying fuck??? well, it all makes no sense. and he doesn't seem to get that i am extremely intelligent. which does me absolutely no good in my exceptionally downwardly mobile life. but, again, i was not in a right mind so i didn't put that together until recently, that he thought i was an idiot. probably a misogynist.

finally saw my good doctor. got myself to the appointment. thank god. and she put me on a sleep thing. related to benadryl. it didn't work which i knew it wouldn't because i'm immune to benadryl but she meant well. and she helped me with everything else. and she has a great sense of humor -- doesn't seem like this here but i am very very funny, especially when i am manic which i usually am when i see her and she lets me riff and rant and she laughs at all of it, genuinely and i love her so much.

i have a long fun story about herbs versus "herbs" which i will tell at some point. but long story short, i think i have a solution finally. i was given this stuff called CBD which i'm sure you all know about it. and i took it yesterday and i got really sleepy!!!! not high exactly but just kind of happy. i'm going to go back and see if i can get some very mild edibles because i learned from a friend that they are very specific now. that you can get pot for anxiety or for sleep or whatever. such great news!!! which to fuck i thought about this so much sooner. but i was never a pot person and i had barely registered that it was legal, even thought there is a pot store across from rite aid where i go all the time. -

fucking shit, i just wrote a fucking novella. i will put this in the body of the post too because i'm sure that others will wonder why i didn't go to someone else and i so would have if, well, i wasn't clinically depressed and out of my mind.

Comment by Doc Vega on January 6, 2019 at 5:10am

Melatonin, Kava Kava, Valerian Root. Lower consumption of stimulants and especially caffeine particularly close to bedtime.

Comment by Maui Surfer on January 6, 2019 at 10:11am

Doc is finally living up to his name. Another option is Cannabis, but DON"T SMOKE WEED! Getting high is for those in extreme physical or mental pain, or, for hedonists ... you want the extract, not the Cheech and Chong effect, it is CBD- https://www.greenstate.com/health/does-marijuana-treat-insomnia-usi...

Comment by J.P. Hart on January 6, 2019 at 11:05am

Teddy,

Not one drop of self-meditation. Curious if you caught Dr. Phil and his interview with a potential Ms. Universe whom bravely discussed her person's preoccuptation during her articulate Q & A and 'gentle cross-examination' that she is the reincarnated Pocahontas?

The good Doctor closed with a brief interview as salute-recognition with the Paradise, CA Fire Chief.

Often sandalwood incense, Door Co. cherry juice, King Arthur blueberry juice and a well shaken can of Reddi-Whip in a short while find me polymorphism- allisticly inducing REM.

This time of year, here in the rustbelt (just to impose zoomingly) from time to time, I employ a little finger's worth of Vicks near (not in) each nostril.
Work *, sleep *, that leaves * for ****ing!

Comment by Theodora L'Engle Knight on January 6, 2019 at 11:39am

thank you, doc vega. great advice.

Comment by Theodora L'Engle Knight on January 6, 2019 at 11:42am

oh wow, maui surfer, so good to know!

not so sure what you are saying, j.p. but thank you so much for coming and commenting!

Comment by Theodora L'Engle Knight on January 6, 2019 at 11:48am

oh wow, maui. i'm doing exactly what they recommend in that article! taking cbd tincture or whatever it's called!! and it is making a difference. not a miracle yet. but i have to figure out the dosage. there's an issue with the combining with my other meds thing but i'm sure it can be worked out. the guy at the store said that cbd is not marijuana. that it's oak or something. but whatever. if it works... and i'm going to start sharing this with others who are suffering with the same crap.

Comment by Doc Vega on January 6, 2019 at 12:50pm

You might also acknowledge that caffeine is usually present in all soda drinks, not to mention coffee, tea, and even in chocolate so be sure not to consume these items within hours of bedtime. Some people's metabolisms can even go into high gear from sugar consumption so this should help. Calcium is another nerve calming mineral that many find helpful.

Comment by Maui Surfer on January 6, 2019 at 1:10pm

Doc is right here as well, Doctoring correctly again with his suggestions ... one thing left out though has been exercise. I can tell you, when you surf for five hours a day going to sleep is no challenge ...

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