How To Say 'F@ck Off' 10 Different Ways

In a dog-eat-dog society there's nothing worse than a fellow dog needing help. But just because we are the assholes who dreamed up this nightmare world doesn't mean we want to come off as the assholes who dreamed up this nightmare. Can't pay your rent? "Fuck off!" It's the universal reply. But the compulsion to believe we're good people forces us to disguise our answers as we cheerily wave goodbye to our friends marched off to concentration camps.

So how to pretend to care when one really doesn't give a shit? There's an art to it, and if executed properly allows one to be cloaked in morality whilst giving the finger. Beautiful! Below are a few of my favorite examples I've heard while left dying in the road. It's good to know we think the best of ourselves and perhaps these phrases will come in useful in one's daily charade. Translation in parentheses.


  1. God can do anything! (So I don't need to do anything)
  2. Be optimistic. Things always work out in the end! (You'll be fed in debtor's prison)
  3. I have faith in you! (Especially after the cocksucker says you have to finish waxing the entire hallway in one night)
  4. Tomorrow is another day! (Of late rent fees)
  5. Surely, there's someone who can help! (i.e. anyone but me)
  6. We live in the greatest economic system in the world! (Must be something wrong with you)
  7. You should try asking them for mercy! (Because you'll get none from me)
  8. You should double check your situation. Maybe you're fine after all! (That will give me time to distance from you)
  9. Think of it as a character building experience! God never gives you more than you can handle. (I promise to attend your funeral after the suicide)
  10. People do win the lottery, ya know! (Fuck off)
See, the problem isn't too many mass shootings, but not enough. Take out 20-30% of the population and soon the message gets through we're all in this together regardless of any fake rules we make up that we pretend are life and death. In the meantime, have a nice day while dying!


Views: 100

Comment by cheshyre on November 21, 2017 at 2:33pm

Don't worry. Be dead.

Comment by Arthur James on November 21, 2017 at 2:41pm

`

OR?

Toot...

`cc

alsoknownas

even deltes
Deletes

Al Frankin
 Albert

Einstein.

`Iy a off-line

Character

Building

Integrity

Slow Read...

`~`'~

`

Be Alive...

Comment by Arthur James on November 21, 2017 at 2:47pm

`

if alsoknowas?

if a Cat ain't

ate his tongue?

AKA might?

comment?

or delete

Ya's nice

comment.

`?`

~!`

`

'

Comment by alsoknownas on November 21, 2017 at 3:44pm

I like where you've taken this cheshyre; to the absolute top of the dung heap.

Comment by Arthur James on November 21, 2017 at 3:48pm

this OUR/
OPEN?
NON-
DELTER
BLOG SITE\
IS HILARIOUS.
CAT WITH YELLOW
TEETH CRACKS JOKES
BUTG NEVER SMILES
BECAUSE HIS TEETH
ARE CHIPPED AND
YELLOE AND CAT
NO WANTS FOLKS
TO SEE TEETH
AND TEASE
CAT IF CAT
HAS NO?
TONGUE.
`
~!`'~
IT PAST CAT
NAP TIME...
`
CATR STRETCH
AS IF CAT DO
YOGA AS?
ALSOIKNOWNAS?
HE A WILD CAT
OF A WEIRDER
SORT? AYE?
I LOVE TO
FEED CATS AND
BIRDS AND THE
CHIPNMONKS AND
SQUIRELS IN
TREES AT THE
FARM AND MY
RECLUSE QUIET
HONE ABODE...
`
I PREY?
AND PRAY
I NO DO
COMMENTS.
`"`
~
`
`

Comment by Arthur James on November 21, 2017 at 3:53pm

`

search dung heap

for undigested

yellow corn kernel

grains and shaRE

WITH

OOPS...

KOSHERSAALAAMI?

NO...

ALsoknownas?

He hungry

for

good organic

nourishing

]cooked stue.

`.``"`~

`

Comment by Arthur James on November 21, 2017 at 3:56pm

`1
HUH?
WHY
TOP
FRONT PAGE
TOTALLY
BLANKED
OUT WHITE?
`
"`
?
`
~
`
`

Comment by Arthur James on November 21, 2017 at 4:05pm

`

Snoopy

go off to bed...

alsoknownas still

deletes Albert

Einstein but

loves Al Franklin?

and Roy Moore?

He'll be well

some day?

`

?`

`

`

~

and 

Comment by Arthur James on November 21, 2017 at 4:18pm

`
WHO AT OUR?
SALON'S
EDITOR
POSITION?
DELETERS
NO SLEEP
IN BLESSED
REST-PEACE
`
GRINNING
EAR TO
EAR
THE CAT
DOES A
YOGA"S
STRETCH
AND A
MEOW.
`
~'`
`

Comment by Tom Cordle on November 21, 2017 at 7:10pm

God never gives you more than you can handle? Well, he sure has a lot more faith in me than I do.

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