How shall I call my spirit back in...
...when she has been dancing among the forest trees?
How shall I persuade her to come home...
when her perspective has changed?
How shall I ask her to squeeze back into the boxes, fences, boundaries of space that surround family life, or ask her to thrive in choppy allotments of time, or to soar in low-ceilinged compartments...
...when she's been one with the forest, it's timeless richness soaking into her very cells?
When her skin has been tickled by clean breezes all day and all night, her lungs have been cleansed by fresh oxygen just exhaled by her daily companions, the redwoods, hemlock and fir?
She and they, who together have grinned and swayed when soaked in the daily rolling in, rolling out, of the sea's veil of fog? Who together have grinned and swayed when rocked by the sea's blustery breeze?
For the past two weeks, I have been playing in the deep woods, the woods on the edge, the ones that grow right to the sea, where for me, there is no loneliness, where for me, anxiety has no wide ledges to land. Usually.
I have been floating on smiles of old friends, laughter among kindred spirits. I have been relishing in the damp sea air, ferns, shamrocks named oxalis, and fabulously singular creations of art made abundantly by this seaside community's citizens.
My heart has been beating to redwood rainforest rhythms, almost forgotten rhythms, a melody sung deep in my bones long ago when I first came to this part of the world, when my love and I first lived together and sang our hearts' songs, raised our two boys for awhile and brought to earth our third.
When here, I drink in the silence.
And now, now that we must leave this ever green world, how shall I persuade her to come? How shall I coax, cajole, call in my forest-drunk Petra Pan spirit?
Coax her home, home to the town life, to our family life...
to tame life?
I summon one thought, one strong and purely grateful promise, one that brings a smile to my lips and beckons my recalcitrant spirit right back from the wild.
Just two words.
JANUARY 19, 2012 10:42PM