But this we may positively state, that nobody has made any progress in the school of Christ unless he cheerfully looks forward to the day of his death and to the day of the final resurrection.

  • John Calvin Golden Booklet of the True Christian Life, pg. 78.

My girlfriend Margaret and her son Woody are convinced beyond a specter of a doubt that I died Monday night , when I had an episode of syncope and fell flat on my back on the kitchen floor.

   “I think I know why I fainted Monday,” I said this morning over coffee and MSNBC on mute.  Trump was trumpeting, the Colorado River was yellow, and Joe Scarborough was annoying me even though I could only see his lips move.

    “You mean died,” she snapped.

    “For chrissakes people don’t come back from the dead, “ I said.

    “Jesus did. “ Margaret is a Christian of the Catholic variety.

    “Wellll, that’s true, and there are a lot of similarities in character and outlook between us, “ I mused.

     I looked up ‘syncope’ on my dying computer. Its blinking black . Uh oh.

     Syncope (/ˈsɪŋkəpi/ SING-kə-pee), also known as fainting, passing out and swooning, is defined as a short loss of consciousness and muscle strength, characterized by a fast onset, short duration, and spontaneous recovery. It is due to a decrease in blood flow to the entire brain usually from low blood pressure.


   “Funny, I never noticed many. I mean, he was a homeless bum who freeloaded on his family spouting gibberish until the authorities locked him up and got him the help he needed.”

   “Uh…that fits me to a t”

   “Except you have me. And Woody. And the family. To protect you from yourself. “

   “Yes, right. Thanks for your TLC, Mother.”

    “Do NOT call me Mother”

    “Yes dear”


     I am only now starting to realize what a horrendous letdown to our little (10 month old) domestic adventure the sight of me dead on the floor was to her.  It was all going so well. She buried a husband 15 yrs ago and waited, with waning hope,  celibately,for a fellow as good as her Keith to come along  , then he died...then he died.

   Oddly enough, Keith died on Easter.

   If I go along with their silliness, and admit I died, I guess I had a bit of an Easter of my own?

Views: 509

Comment by tr ig on August 14, 2015 at 2:39pm


Comment by James Mark Emmerling on August 14, 2015 at 2:42pm


I suppose the lesson to take away from all this is that I am utterly indestructible.

Marge should see that as good news, right?

Comment by tr ig on August 14, 2015 at 2:45pm

Margaret knows, maybe you also, that I did genuinely die once, of an overdose. To hear it told, I went grey, then beyond grey to corpse like green while people there in my house watching the football game with me attempted mouth to mouth and other things they'd seen on television. For a matter of minutes I drew zero breaths. It's amazing but my brain, lack of oxygen and all, came through it improved. As to "syncope" well buddy, it seems, from her telling, that you were quite beyond that stage. Surely there is a proper medical term for that (temporary death), or at least a Catholic one (resurrection). 

Comment by James Mark Emmerling on August 14, 2015 at 2:51pm


trig man, you KNOW I would absolutely LOVE to say I died and came back, just for cocktail party chat (me and Margie crash a lot of cocktail parties, get nicely shitfaced) but...I just cannot.

Welcome back. Belatedly. I didn't know you died. Oxygen, a lot of hype, eh?

Comment by Zanelle on August 14, 2015 at 2:52pm

I like to think that you swooned.  Took a nose dive.  Toppled.  Its all that love stuff.  Don't do it again.

Comment by tr ig on August 14, 2015 at 2:58pm

Hmmm I was saying, in my improved head, SIN-COPE when apparently it's like your link ^ says, sing ka pee. English is a clusterfuck of a language isn't it. As to dying, I suppose it's not genuine (as in our cases) if you come back to life, meaning you weren't dead dead, just no longer breathing and heart pumping blood etc..

Comment by James Mark Emmerling on August 14, 2015 at 3:12pm

Ha Z yes I swooned bec. Margie's beauty finally burned my blood and I succumbed.

TRig, death is permanent I hear, so if you come back you weren't dead. Thank GOD I didn't have that whole lifeflashingbefore my eyes thing. I would have died depressed.

Comment by tr ig on August 14, 2015 at 3:19pm

Have you noticed either a) enhanced smarts, or b) enhanced spiritual connection, or c) both, after the syncope (assuming that is what it was and I do have doubts in that regard)?

You touch on a point that I took note of back when I, uh, didn't die. I didn't see dick .. no white light, no trumpets trumpeting, no purgatory's gate, no St. Peter, no my life flashing in front of my eyes. Always wondered how people, the experts as they say, knew these phenomena  to be the case when one is dying.

Comment by James Mark Emmerling on August 14, 2015 at 3:29pm

Ohhh it is hard to tell , trig, what with my normal everyday advanced mental and spiritual development...

Comment by JMac1949 Today on August 14, 2015 at 3:34pm

Since yer already an anti-pope, then a short term mini-resurrection could qualify as a miracle and that would put ya on yer way ta becomin' an anti-saint... so ta speak... as it were...

Yer ever faithful servant and consigliere, JMac


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