well, as i mentioned in my comment on my blog, one of my best friends, two of her best friends are very bad off. one will die without an organ transplant, and the other we dont know yet. thats weighing on me.
kid wrecked the car one week after he got his license. hood and headlights and bumper, and a beam got bent. keith fixed it.
kid had the accident in the context of being a SUPER asshole to me. not "random couldnt be avoided" sort of accident, but, as he was driving MY car, telling me i was wrong about his speed and traveling distance, etc. got his license and decided he didnt need to worry about what i said anymore.
less than a week after the car accident, his bike got stolen, cause he didnt lock it up. didnt think he needed to. thought he could trust people in the little city. dont ask me what gave him that impression.
then followed that up by not going to help me do some work for the man who is lawyering for him this year, because he will no longer ride with me, bc i am a worse driver than he is, he says.
in spite of this, i got him a new bike yesterday, cheapest walmart special to be had. its down by the garage not locked. cause we are home.
he will win his battles, cause he is stronger than almost anyone at being a superf*ck. but he wont win a single war. he will win the battle of NOT treating us with any respect, and so he WONT get to drive the car, to deliver the pizzas, to make the money.
i used to wake up happy, my whole life, even in the time you have known me, for most of the time you have known me, in fact, i woke up happy.
it went to shit EVERY SINGLE day for the past way too many years, but i woke up happy.
i no longer do.
eta: last year or the year before, i went to the berkshires and RIGHT when i was feeling pretty okay, feeling like "alright, its good to be here," the radio plays the ex's favorite song in the whole wide world. not just any old song. i mean, a person only has one favorite song in the whole wide world, out of the bazillions. and that one came on, at that moment.
so yesterday, we went to the berkshires. it had been a long day and i was tired and kept starting to doze in the car, and i didnt think that was fair bc after all it was my idea to go and then i am gonna fall asleep? that aint right. so i click on the radio, thinking a little music will help me stay awake.
same favorite song in the whole wide world is playing. why, universe? why?
then, there is ONE SONG that keith says, for some reason apparently every time i hear it i sing along, but then at some point get overwhelmed and curse out the ex. that song is "hello, its me." you know the song. thats the ONE song that does it to me, and i dont even know why, okay i DO know why - because i want to "come around and see him once in a while, or if he ever needs a reason to smile." thats all i ever wanted, in the real world.
guess what adele's new song is called? i mean, you KNOW how huge adele's new song is gonna be, right?
it's "hello its me." her version.
well, at least i have made myself laugh, cause this is sincerely ludicrous.