well, as i mentioned in my comment on my blog, one of my best friends, two of her best friends are very bad off. one will die without an organ transplant, and the other we dont know yet.  thats weighing on me.

kid wrecked the car one week after he got his license.  hood and headlights and bumper, and a beam got bent.  keith fixed it.

kid had the accident in the context of being a SUPER asshole to me.  not "random couldnt be avoided" sort of accident, but, as he was driving MY car, telling me i was wrong about his speed and traveling distance, etc.  got his license and decided he didnt need to worry about what i said anymore.

less than a week after the car accident, his bike got stolen, cause he didnt lock it up. didnt think he needed to.  thought he could trust people in the little city. dont ask me what gave him that impression.

then followed that up by not going to help me do some work for the man who is lawyering for him this year, because he will no longer ride with me, bc i am a worse driver than he is, he says.

in spite of this, i got him a new bike yesterday, cheapest walmart special to be had.  its down by the garage not locked.  cause we are home.

he will win his battles, cause he is stronger than almost anyone at being a superf*ck.  but he wont win a single war.  he will win the battle of NOT treating us with any respect, and so he WONT get to drive the car, to deliver the pizzas, to make the money.

i used to wake up happy, my whole life, even in the time you have known me, for most of the time you have known me, in fact, i woke up happy.

it went to shit EVERY SINGLE day for the past way too many years, but i woke up happy.

i no longer do.

eta:  last year or the year before, i went to the berkshires and RIGHT when i was feeling pretty okay, feeling like "alright, its good to be here," the radio plays the ex's favorite song in the whole wide world. not just any old song.  i mean, a person only has one favorite song in the whole wide world, out of the bazillions. and that one came on, at that moment.

so yesterday, we went to the berkshires.  it had been a long day and i was tired and kept starting to doze in the car, and i didnt think that was fair bc after all it was my idea to go and then i am gonna fall asleep?  that aint right.  so i click on the radio, thinking a little music will help me stay awake.

same favorite song in the whole wide world is playing.  why, universe?  why?

then, there is ONE SONG that keith says, for some reason apparently every time i hear it i sing along, but then at some point get overwhelmed and curse out the ex.  that song is "hello, its me."  you know the song.  thats the ONE song that does it to me, and i dont even know why, okay i DO know why - because i want to "come around and see him once in a while, or if he ever needs a reason to smile."  thats all i ever wanted, in the real world.


guess what adele's new song is called?  i mean, you KNOW how huge adele's new song is gonna be, right?

it's "hello its me."  her version.

well, at least i have made myself laugh, cause this is sincerely ludicrous.

Views: 179

Comment by koshersalaami on October 19, 2015 at 8:42am
Mysterious ways
Comment by JMac1949 Today on October 19, 2015 at 9:04am

At least you still have your sense of humor.  With any luck the teenage son will survive.  They usually come back around in their mid twenties.  R&L ;-)

Comment by Rosigami on October 19, 2015 at 9:06am

Hang tough, lady. 

Comment by Zanelle on October 19, 2015 at 10:06am

Adele!  I got to thinking about an old flame yesterday and looked him up on the internet.  He looks great fifty years later and has been with the same lady he got after me and they are way cool artists outside Seattle and he had lost a lot of weight and looked great.  I was going to message him and see if he remembered me but I didn't.  I didn't.  That is why I don't listen to music at all...too many sad memories.  Hugs. 

Comment by nerd cred on October 19, 2015 at 10:14am

Two got us hit by a dump truck on her way home from getting her learners permit. My fault. Shouldn't have let her drive. But she had already done behind the wheel training.

Rule: Don't let a kid fuck you up. They leave. Before you know it.

Songs? I got nothing.

Comment by DaisyJane on October 19, 2015 at 10:43am

kosher - i guess it is just that, right?  nodding.

jmac - i hope so, and i even THINK so, and i even believe his heart is kind and decent, but man oh MAN he has it buried under serious unpleasant bravado at this point.

rosi - thank you.  i have been lookng at mandalas a lot lately, and i learned something interesting:  some of them are mostly concentric, and some of them have radiating rays in the midst of the circles.  the ones with rays pull my brain in way faster.  i wonder what that says about the workings of my brain.

zanelle - sending you a hug right back.  i'd wager he remembers you, cause i cant imagine how anyone could not.

nerd - that IS bad timing!  and i am trying to follow that rule, trying trying.

Comment by Ron Powell on October 19, 2015 at 10:42pm
My son had his 49th birthday earlier this month. I'm not old enough to have a 'kid' a year away from 50.

During the summer between his junior and senior years in high-school, the ex and I took a day trip to Atlantic City. This was well before cell phones were standard equipment....

We left him with a modest list of things to do around the house and yard thinking that this would occupy a fair amount of his time in our absence..Silly us...

Turns out that this nutcase offspring nearly killed himself on a borrowed motorcycle....Apparently, we were told, within an hour of our departure....

His leg was torn up so badly that he had to miss half of his senior year and graduate during the following year....

I managed to secure a settlement that covered all medical expenses and a rather tidy sum for pain and suffering. The settlement for the compensatory damages would have been a solid start on paying for college tuition...But no!

He 'decided' to blow the money on both a new car and a new motorcycle...His mom was ok with it, I was livid...Neither vehicle lasted 2 years...

Why am I sharing this? Because he's nearly 50 and I'm not old enough to have a 50 year old kid who was barely 17 day before yesterday ...

Try to remember that just when you think things can't get any worse than they are, they often do. Why? Because things are never as bad as they seem and life has a way of making that point over and over again...
Comment by Ron Powell on October 19, 2015 at 11:07pm
Oh, and about the music thing...As a musician, I can tell you that you take from the music the emotion that you put into it.

"Of all the gin joints in all the world, she had to walk into mine..."

"You played it for her, you can play it for me....." (From a scene in the movie classic "Casablanca"...)

Apparently. "As Time Goes By" was "her" song but he insisted that Sam play it for him as well, despite the pain of memories, evoked by the song, that tormented and plagued him...

The "universe" can't do more to us than we can do to ourselves.

That song, is as much yours as you believe it to be his....Maybe even more so....
Comment by DaisyJane on October 20, 2015 at 7:27am

ron - i like all your points, and your story about your son gives me a fine smile - know why?  in spite of bad choices and recklessness, he is almost 50!!  (you are not old enough to have a son almost 50!).  okay, teenagers!  i need to remember that, get it tattooed on my forehead.

and interesting, what you posit about the songs, but, but why does the universe put it there in front of me like it does?  i dont make it come on the radio, i aint thinking about it, or him, and the universe says, "oh hey yeah.  here."  thats the part i dont get!

Comment by Ron Powell on October 20, 2015 at 8:24am
Nobody "gets it". Steer clear of anyone who thinks and says that they do...


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