I realized recently a thing which has changed my outlook. We were stalled in a mcdonalds take through line

I was listening to Dylan on my phone and looked into the drive by mirror and saw my face morph into two due to reflection of light in the atmosphere bending my eye's picture.

a face behind a face . I was wearing a mask. I thought: it looks sad and hopeless and bored and frustrated but I feel free and lighthearted. it is a mask I wear. I fear I overdo my  depression so as to make the transition out of dysthymia into euphoria more dramatic.

I am a drama queen...

Views: 401

Comment by koshersalaami on August 29, 2015 at 11:42am
Well, that depends

Are you looking sad and hopeless and bored and frustrated intentionally, or is that just where your face goes by itself? What's in your head isn't necessarily obvious.

If the deception is deliberate, yeah, you're a drama queen, but I don't think so. I think your reflection surprised you.
Comment by James Mark Emmerling on August 29, 2015 at 11:50am

of course it was intentional.

my so called self is a collection of what the Buddhists call samskaras...mental sheaths from habit of energies connected to my being....

my true being sees through this occasionally then meets the nothingness at the raw instant of the very now

and sinks into a hopeless stream of samskaras torturing me , with negative images I cannot see are illusory.

this is euphoria.

Comment by Zanelle on August 29, 2015 at 11:59am

I just don't get it.  Who exactly are you?

Comment by James Mark Emmerling on August 29, 2015 at 12:03pm

yes !

Comment by James Mark Emmerling on August 29, 2015 at 12:03pm

i am that i am

Comment by Arthur James on August 29, 2015 at 12:17pm

`

YA'S `popeye'

who's `kosher -

salami? ` huh? -

`

Why was a cat?

eh? a piller cat?

running so fast?

`

Because it was being

chased by a dog-er-

piller. I just pass via-

here. it safe? or no?

`

Comment by koshersalaami on August 29, 2015 at 1:22pm
James,
Are you playing with the Hebrew name of God?
Comment by koshersalaami on August 29, 2015 at 1:23pm
Euphoria is not torture
Comment by James Mark Emmerling on August 29, 2015 at 1:49pm

Euphoria's '' i am that i am'' and 360 degree life as a ball of living energy

is sweet torture because the greedy spiritual hunger

wishes it to be everlasting.

when it crashes into the shore of everyday life, there is tumult.

destruction.

torture.

unless a viable depressive position can be found.

drama queen depressive is common.

blah bla h blah goes the internal dialogue you are worthless.

play this up is what i am saying

so that when euphoria sweeps in again

it will be even sweeter

it will be being born in the iam

Comment by James Mark Emmerling on August 29, 2015 at 1:51pm

the ia m is the satori experience

it has never been not so. so the actual experience is no big deal.

one has always been i n  the i am/the raw splashing of the very now

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