Since I'm having a hard time getting back into the habit of blogging, I'm just going to make a list of thoughts.
1)There is NO doubt in my mind that if there was a gun in my house I would have been killed by now. Please don't judge the mom's ability to parent her mentally ill child, but DO question why such a mom would keep an arsenal in the house. All of my sharp kitchen knives are kept in the trunk of my car.
2)I am furious at the mom of my kid's friend. I hate to be angry. I am trying to practice peace and kindness. But this woman has been somehow involved in my kid skipping school, she is blatantly rude to me and feeding into my kid's rage towards me, she benefits from my kid being at her house because my kid helps her kid with her homework, she allows the kids to leave the house just as I am due to pick up, she looks the other way as her daughter converses with strange men on the x-box, then says I'm being dramatic when we don't know where our kids are when they are supposed to be in school, etc., etc.
3)I begged my mom to come here for Penny's winter break. To my surprise, I convinced her. However, my mom's husband has been out of work for awhile, they are about to go on food stamps and are in need of dental work. My mom would NEVER, under any circumstance take money from me. I tried to buy her plane tickets, but she refused to give me the info I needed to do so. She charged her tickets, and is taking on a huge financial burden so that I can have 3 1/2 days next week without dread and PTSD symptoms.
4) When the stress gets too bad I break out in cold sores, my back goes out and my gastro-intestinal system goes haywire. I was 3 for 3 on Monday, but I'm feeling a little better today.
5) Somewhere in the stream of insults and death threats that my daughter hurled at me this week, the phrase "cunt sucking penis licker"is the one that keeps popping into my head and making me laugh.
6) When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was step in dog pee. I did not let it get me down. I am strong. I am on some sort of spiritual path leading me to a place of inner peace despite outer turmoil and I will get there somehow. I am going to survive this holiday season and these next 3 years and 4 months until my kid turns 18 and someway somehow I will end up a better person because of it.