I see love in many forms, between children, between lovers, between families. We are all different yet the same at our core. We care for others in need, help our families---we bleed, we cry, we laugh, and we go on.
At a funeral Wednesday for a friend of trig's, dead at 54 from pancreatic cancer, I met his daughters, saw the grand kids running around, tears from young and old. Suddenly I felt regret for not attending my ex-husband's funeral. I imagined the scene was not unlike this one and could feel my children's pain, burying their father alone in a sea of friends and relatives.
5 days ago I said goodbye to my daughter after a quick 1 day visit. I could see the longing in her lovely face as we locked teary eyes. She needed her mom and I live 600 miles away. I miss that beautiful face every day.
7 days ago I said goodbye to Sirenita. I knew I'd never see her lovely face again. Still so much life in her eyes. We cried and hugged, not wanting to let go. I can still feel her frail body under my hands. I have much to process yet about our friendship. The lessons I learned from her will make my future more rich. I will live with less regret. I will awaken sleeping dreams. Perhaps I'll buy that black Andalusian mare that haunts my soul, dust off my saddle and ride into the sunset.
365 days ago I said goodbye to the most lovely woman I've ever known .. a woman that gave me life and unconditional love. She stepped in when I got divorced in '98 and helped me gain traction in my slippery world. She was my constant ally in life. Never judging, always loving. She supported me and cheered me on through all my endeavors. As a child she sat in the stands while I competed on my various horses, paid the vet bills, bought my saddles and bridles, grain and hay. Took pictures of her horse crazy daughter as I zoomed past, flying over fences. Paid for endless riding lessons and watched from the observation room as if I was the most important person on the face of the earth. She did all this while raising 2 kids, teaching dance lessons for 30 years, cooking, cleaning, mowing the lawn, driving the tractor, stacking hay bales... Her energy seemed boundless. Her love for horses grew from watching me and she started riding again, continuing into her early 70s.
Her circle of friends was large and the love was authentic, real and tangible. I hope the ripple effect of my life comes anywhere near that of my mom's but I'm sure it won't. She was out there every day. Touching people's lives, especially children. I don't have that gift but I guess I have others. I hope I can make a difference.