That's how I feel these days.
I wonder if sailors in the time of the Flat Earth felt that, too. Okay, I know that at one time there were people who realized that the probable shape of the Earth was an orb, and at the same time those who couldn't fathom any shape other than a plane. Contention between them may have existed, but really, does that matter? The reality is that Earth is the shape that it is, no matter what anyone may believe about it.
Regardless. My world has gone from safe and round to flat with an unforeseeable abyss at the edge. I'm not just talking about the world of politics and society, which has become unfathomable in its own way but the bottom has fallen out of my life as well.
I wasn't going to write abut this, and I'm still not going to do it in any detail, but the thing that has me so completely lost is that my three adult children- yes, all three of them- have decided, en masse, that they no longer wish to be a part of my life.
Listen. I know I am not the perfect parent but I have loved them well and done the best I could with the rest, and I can't feel guilty for that. Their decision comes without any explanation to me. One child offered two vitriolic, hurtful, delusional emails that only tell me of unreasonable anger and hatred and gave me no way of responding, though I tried, and got one more terrible answer. Then, to add insult to injury, he "unfriended" me on FB- which, oddly, seemed patently absurd.
They are not explaining themselves to anyone else, either. At least no one who speaks to me.
No- the ex is no help, either. Well he never has been, but that's another story, and apparently he is still in their good graces.
This all happened almost 3 months ago. There are other parts of my life that are wonderful and important. The process since has been about grieving and healing. I am doing pretty well. People who care about me have been supportive and loving, and I am not alone. I am capable of living my life with joy and appreciation for those who are in it with me.
I am telling you this because it will come out in my artwork- it already has- and I want to keep writing and posting here, and not just sitting on sidelines commenting on other people's posts.
I think the painting speaks for itself. I don't even like it, because of what it represents. It's a cliché and I know it. But it's what I feel. The BLP does like it, though, so when it is finished drying and I find a frame for it (one of the many, many Goodwill stores will eventually come through) he can hang it in his room.