Hawking Announces $100 Million Hunt for Alien Life: Famed physicist Stephen Hawking and Russian tycoon Yuri Milner held a news conference in London announcing their new project called Breakthrough Listen, which will invest $100 million and a lot of brainpower into the search for intelligent extraterrestrial life. Hawking says that if they do find extraterrestrials who are not considered intelligent, they will immediately be placed in a “No Extraterrestrial Left Behind” program to quickly get them up to par.
Bison Injures Woman Posing for Selfie at Yellowstone: Yellowstone National Park officials are warning tourists to keep their distance after a bison flipped a 43-year-old Mississippi woman into the air as she posed for a selfie with the massive beast, marking the fifth run-in between park-goers and buffalo this year. The woman’s attorney says they most likely will sue Disney for not realistically portraying what wild animals are really like.
Eruptions of 5 Indonesian Volcanoes Shroud Skies in Ash: Eruptions of five volcanoes have shrouded the skies with ash over much of the Indonesian archipelago, forcing three airports to close. And geologists say the issue is further compounded by the fact that modern sexual mores make it nearly impossible to find a suitable virgin to sacrifice to the volcano.