Remembering Sirenita, A Guestst Post: Why I Hate Monogamy - Sirenita Lake (Cris Gutierrez)

She crossed my mind in an odd way. I wanted to read her post on monogamy and found an edited and somewhat condensed version.

I had a question to raise about monogamy.I remembered that her piece on monogamy was one of her best...

However, I decided to let it wait . It'll keep while we think and talk about Cris:

“I have known people, mainly women since more of my friends are women, who were happy in a relationship until they discovered that their partner had made love with someone else. Though nothing changed and she was satisfied with the relationship, this bit of information fundamentally and retroactively altered how she felt about it. The whole marriage was now seen as one big lie. Why? It seems to me to be an question of attitude and not much else. Like someone who yearns for what they can’t have and despises what they do have, the injured spouse chooses to give up her partner, home, shared interests, financial security, mutual friends – everything that makes up a relationship, which is, after all, more than sex – because she can’t have the one thing that she chooses to place value on, sexual exclusiveness.It makes no sense to me and never has. I’ve been careful never to commit to a sexually exclusive relationship. Other than that one lapse with Tim, I’ve never allowed anyone to dictate to me how I use my body, nor have I ever demanded that a partner renounce all other relationships. I do have high standards for relationships. I expect a partner to treat me with respect, to remain interested, to pay attention. I much prefer a partner to give me the right kind of attention in the amounts (reasonable) that I need it in spite of spending time with other women, than to be taken for granted or bored by someone who never looks at another woman. That seems obvious to me. Of course, it’s not impossible to be in a rich, happy, sexually monogamous relationship, but what surprises me is the high relative value that many people place on exclusivity compared to intensity. They’ll put up with boring as long as he doesn’t share the boredom with anyone else. ”

Enlightening read from someone who try to be truer to their own self.

Views: 103

Comment by Ron Powell on September 10, 2018 at 9:35am

The photo in the post is the cover of her book..

Available in paperback and online at Google Books...

Sirenita Lake

Comment by koshersalaami on September 10, 2018 at 10:02am

I didn’t know her well at all. I understand her point but I’ll give you the other side to it, not to invalidate hers.

If I had the opportunity to have sex outside my marriage, which I have never sought, I wouldn’t take it, the reason being that the knowledge that it would hurt my wife would be enough. 

Comment by Safe Bet's Amy on September 10, 2018 at 11:57am

Heh.  I remember the times that my Suzy and Sirenita got into it over bisexuality, polyamory and polygamy (I was "involved because she did a LOT of her posting while sitting on my lap).  I don't necessary agree, but Suzy was of the mind that P/P were much like her thoughts of bisexuality, which was that damn few people were truly bi, polyamorists or polygamists...  they just didn't know themselves well enough and/or were expressing narcissistic "greed".  Sirenita read her the riot act over that thinking.  LOL


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