I was on the floor crying, cut off from the light. I'd "won". I'm untraceable, untouchable, unreachable. My pursuers have either given up or been diverted by life's more important pursuits. So here I am at the edge of the universe where my body is safe but my soul endangered. Maybe preserving my body's life here wasn't right decision after all.
I scream but no sound comes out. I'm more alone than any man in even deepest solitary confinement prison. At least someone knows he's there. I can trust no one. It's not police who are problem. They must to tell themselves lies on who they are. Anyone like that can always be defeated. But these criminals who run this world have no such delusion. You do have problem when they want you dead.
And they do want me dead.
I'm proverbial loose end. From time as boy on French docks entering the underworld I've been angry. I talk about this before. That anger led me here. Only looking back do I see exits I passed up in horrific stupidity. She was knocking on my door and I was too afraid to answer. I couldn't let her see the assassin in me. But I should have. Maybe she pull me out of this life. I never give her a chance. I can still see her blonde ponytail as she walking away. I was paralyzed fear.
So ending up at mercy of worst of the worst is my fate. Most people not even know actual order of the world. They fools thinking they'll be safe in colleges and careers and cash. Rest are slaves who think it wrong standing up for themselves (because system say it need slaves). But I know these men. I saw them with my own eyes. Only very few when seeing news know real truth. Dummy news people never connect dots. They can't because they know it won't sell. Having no future never sell well.
I can't deny I have no future even if I want to.
We never let this happen to blonde haired, blue eyed people.
But I hate those men who bring hell. I'm boiling mad. They are never held to the account! As their one time tool I Goupil am held to account. Young assassins think they smart to be on winning side. But they fools in the pain. I myself barely wake up in time to see my purpose have no purpose. Those who won't let go get eaten up and spit out. Their graves never visited.
You see, there are two types of men. The dog barkers, as I call them, are thieves of men's souls. But they cannot act. They like cripples in chair. If their silver tongue lies don't convert a following they end up talking to themselves on street corner. They need killers do their bidding for these barkers to be effective. Praise is their currency. They use it to get elected, drawing legions to their side. Truest mobsters are those who use mob rule. Men in suits are greatest monsters of all time.
Now I face my greatest problem: once a killer always a killer.
I put away gun. Take vow of nonviolence. But that not solve problem. You see, it not change my past and it not change who I am. I struggle and struggle and struggle. Was hoping to find a way maybe I not see before. Nothing come. Am walking dead. Too clever to be caught. Not clever enough to live. Even when I spoke out truth no one hear me. Maybe I should go out with a bang. Would be worth it if my truth come to light. But this criminal world never want the truth. They want only what suits them. This I have found.
Sometimes I get the American fast food. You ever see those people working in there? They are helpless lambs. Some are scared and believe for savior to come help them. But they must save themselves. Some are angry because they know they are being screwed. But that anger blinds them. Very few put their trust in life. And if life let them down then life must answer for it. What else can person do?
That is question I ask every day.
If Hitler had worn only Hawaiian shirts, could he have seized ultimate power?
It take many armies to save Jews from holocaust. Would take even bigger army to save these working poor. Phony man pose as savior laughing as he betray. Same as they must have laughed when I so eager to believe. These suit men are biggest rapists. Through them come rape of the world. African warlords (me never work for) use starvation and literal rape as means of control. Any man who not agree to do same they kill. But these Americans do same thing. You scramble to survive and they call it a dream! Who is it dream for?
I know these things very much because my contract killer money run out. I know I cannot go back to contract killing. It's not in me anymore (I tried). You ever hear phrase "honest money"? I guess it can be if you do what you want. But that not me. My money dishonest because I not do what I want. Coffee shop talkers and internet bloggers think they have it figured out. But minute you think you have it figured out, you're wrong. Mainly, they just want to argue. Keeps them from facing the truth.
And like I say before, truth it not sell.
Man steal a bread and he's marked for life. Same if he rape a woman or molest a child. They say to let someone like that walk street for even single second is wrong. But if you rob, rape and molest whole country, many fight to lift you up. Criminals in charge for a reason. So if you take gun and shoot biggest criminal in world, nothing change. Takes a village of criminals to elect criminal.
But I want to shoot them so bad! Let them know someone hate what they do. Someone see what they do. These are murderers wearing masks. Many who protect them know this too. But they not want to be discovered as murderer accomplice. It conspiracy without passing words. If people knew what really come of this they put all these monsters in jail. But they hate themselves thinking getting approval for hate will save them. But it just destroy everyone in the end. No person can escape what a person do (I tried).
So that only reason I let psychopath, child molesting, mass terror, fire bomber, lifeline cutting, smiling holocaust creep Speaker of House live. God must put his kind in the oven.