Happy go fuckyourself. That’s how I used to be, back in those heady tailwind days when there was still a functioning EPA.  I was good with the kids taking over and me fading away. I got 46 years in...and my body is shot, so why not kick back and rot away? 

Are only us old fucks posting here? Maybe I’m not as depressed as I was last week,  before I ate some bad pork in a bowl of ramen. I should have stuck with the miso. Being sick as a starving dog for a day makes being able to hold rice down feel like a victory. 

This getting old ain’t for everybody, is it? I’m thinking about hanging on until the medical bills exceed our net worth. Bad enough falling apart...even without not being able to afford to.

The tests that told me the 200,000 paid to make me well but did not cost 40,000. But none of this depressed me. 

It was the SCOTUS pick. That got me. It got me so bad that I had to look for help from others who can read and write. I’m still fucking depressed. Thanks anyway. 

In writing school...environmental history writing school, the kids hated the “declension narrative”...so much so that it was, and might be a big problem within my profession...I don’t know because Ive been out of the loop since I finished. Kids! Not even thirty...depressed about their planet being raped by idiots, go figure?

Not leaving the world better than I found it...getting that was hard to get over, but I did. I have never been a ball of fire, but I always showed up and still do. 

This SCOTUS thing undid me...until the pork ramen. Feeling really bad on top of the slow rot, well that made me feel grateful for the slow rot and the SCOTUS...which is not yet permitting the dismembering of writers...so I have three things to be happy gofuckyorself about. I think I am good until at least February. Thanks again for the 200. 

Views: 71

Comment by alsoknownas on October 20, 2018 at 7:02am

Things will turn. Keep the wind to your back. 

Comment by Rodney Roe on October 20, 2018 at 1:21pm

Glad you're writing.  Sometimes you can't see up for down, but you will.

Comment by Robert B. James on October 20, 2018 at 2:31pm

AKA....RR, thanks. Literate encouragement never hurt me yet. 

Comment by J.P. Hart on October 21, 2018 at 1:38pm

git me coupla maybe timely triples of Malibu + coca-colas & ican still do a fair-to midler Robin Williams, and yeah, paying gigs are so far away. Albeit last week (true-blue-hue-crew) the guild offered handsome awesome-sauce like denario and all I had to do was play lawn jockey for a 120 minutes.
I just said no. Imagine that.
Whatismore, times get rough: what with dem-dare ads soliciting fiction, poetry and games for (areUsittingdown??)forty-five dollars ($45.U.S) readers fees!!

All this and meanwhile i snuck on Twitter reading Howard Dean's with the Clare McKassal twix (ore's it tweet?)quoting forbes.com wherein she spells out how the GOP's coming yesterday for Social Security and Medicare in order to finesse its tax cut Daniel Boone-doggerelish three-card-monte-ish slight of hands (look ma!)for the rich getting richer. (fill the pitcher-donchachen:). Meanwhile frackin' fields are ripe I know I know I know. Most of witch, you know devil's hind corner of which:is preposterous and only possible with reckless treacherous abandon.
Obviously greed continues to obliterate need.
O wishingwell. Flu shots are free and at least now I don't haff 'ta do those joint-harsh deltoid flys. Or maybe ican
Rhythm n' Blues James, sure, absolute certainly: 'once was the thought inside my head.'

Comment by Robert B. James on October 22, 2018 at 6:38am

Thanks JP...yup. Just said no too, and then got it anyway by default, while the sibs scratched and clawed to win a game that had been rigged in their favor. I might beat them all to the pyre. I fixed myself too late in the game to be all I could be for the MIC that invested far to much in rigging those outcomes. Hard to have a dialogue with the MIC. There is a good part of me, JP that thinks the MIC took out OS, as more than one of us was taking on water, and perhaps drawing the attention of do gooders from god knows where. 

Brazil...deniro’s Hvac repair man...etc. Had I not gone feral I might have not got out of the cage long enough to see it from the outside of the puzzle palace. I’d like to say frackers beware, but they are, and breeding too. 


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