From the Wally Files: A Little About Wally M. Geezer

*Note: The Wally Files are stories from the old blog of my alter-ego, Wally M. Geezer. Wally writes about Wal-Mart, his home life, and his old friends in Buzzard Neck, Texas and always with humor. I hope you enjoy this series of stories and most of all, I hope you get to laugh at least once as you read them.

I thought that tonight would be a good time to take a break from my normal subject matter...Walmart....and maybe tell you a little bit about myself. After reading a lot of blogs in here, I have figured out that is what people do at first, they tell you about themselves.

Actually, after looking at the stats for the last blog, I figured talking about myself can't hurt. 

My name is Wally M. Geezer, and I was born in the small town of Buzzard Neck, Texas, the middle son of Ebenezer and Molly Mae Geezer. I attended the Buzzard Neck School District from first grade all the way through the twelfth grade but I was forced to give up my dream of college. Finishing 32 in a class of 28 does somewhat limit one's academic horizons.

I tried to enter Buzzard Neck Agriculture Community College, but they kept wanting to know what my SAT scores were. I told them, "Hell, I never went to school on Saturday, so how could I have any of them scores?"

Even though I was what you might called educationally challenged, I have always loved to write. Heck, even in grade school, I would charge my buddies a dollar to write them some really kick-ass excuses when they would skip school.  I was a natural.

I have spent most of my life in a never-ending quest to stay out of Correctional institutions across this country and that led me to a career, late in life, as a Walmart wage slave....Oops, I promised not to talk about Walmart didn't I.  Well just ignore that....moving on...

About five years ago I stumbled into the world of Blogging on the World Wide Web. I was a member of this other site, which will remain nameless, but is spelt...Writing.Com.

Oh so what, so I actually mentioned their name...so sue me already!  I was just tired of typing "Another Site".

Well to my amazement, I discovered I had a little, tiny, knack for the blog thang and I ended up having two blogs listed in the top five of that site. You were only allowed five hundred entries per blog and then you had to end it and start another one.

Yes siree, I was a big fish in that little pond. But one day I just plain tuckered out. I was well into my third blog when it hit me.....I had said everything I wanted to say.  Hell, not only had I said everything, I was starting to repeat myself. 

Now when my uncle Harry started to repeat himself constantly he got his ass hauled off to the Buzzard Neck Home for the Nervous so I knew I better stop what I was doing and find greener pastures.  I didn't hanker to wear one of them jackets that the sleeves tied in back.

So I packed up my bags, boarded up my blog house at that "Other Site" and, with suitcase in hand, walked down the road with a song on my lips and the "Other Site" sitting south of my north-bound ass.

It was not long before I happened upon Open Salon and man it was love at first sight for me.  The "front page" just blew me away. I had never seen so many talented writers in one place in my life. I had never seen so many educated people in my life. Hell there was college professors, professional writers, world travelers and bon vivants all over the place.

Then there was me.......

I thought about it awhile; mulled over the idea, then said: "What the hell. I might as well plant myself here and bring down the property values a bit."

So here I am...Wally Geezer's the name and Humor's the game.  I am all about making people smile, maybe chuckle, and, on rare occasions just laugh out loud.

You will never hear Wally expound on politics. I had some politics once but I got over it. You won't hear ole Wally get all philosophical and decry the human condition. Humans got themselves into this mess, they can get themselves out of it without Wally's help.

What you will read is me....trying to find the humor in all things.  I can find humor in damned near anything, especially myself. My ole daddy always told me: "Son, never be afraid to laugh at yourself, everyone else does."

Daddy was a hell of a motivator. 

So there you have it...the life story, kinda, of Wally M. Geezer, the Red Neck who became a Bumpkin, the Bumpkin who became a Blogger, and the Blogger who embarrasses himself on a daily basis. 

We now return you to your regular programing....Good Night

Views: 67

Comment by MarkinKentuckiana on August 16, 2012 at 9:15am

As I said on Open, it's good to see Wally back!

Comment by greenheron on August 16, 2012 at 12:05pm

Howdy Wally. You could call it "Woolmart". Everyone will know what you mean.  So stories about Woolmart will reveal delightful secrets of behind the storeroom door?

About this bumpkin claim.  It seems you've earned your doctorate in street smarts, or ranch smarts rather, and you're a great teacher.  Wouldn't that exempt you from bumpkinhood?

Comment by lorianne on August 17, 2012 at 12:34am

i LIKE wally!   hope he hangs around some/

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