Florida Man Attempts To Buy 8-Year-Old For $200,000 At Walmart

Florida Man Attempts To Buy 8-Year-Old For $200,000 At Walmart:  An 81-year-old Florida man is facing charges after he approached a mother and her 8-year-old daughter who were shopping at Walmart and attempted to negotiate buying the girl for $100,000 - finally incrementally upping the price to as much as $200,000 before finally walking away when she wouldn’t accept his offer. 

Gee, when I read this story, my first thought was “what the hell, has Roy Moore moved to Florida?”  Now its been a long time since I’ve set foot in a Walmart store -  I didn't realize they sold 8-year-olds there.  I don’t wanna sound insensitive, but $200,000 seems a bit expensive for Walmart.  These Trump tariffs are apparently really having an effect.   

But seriously, this guy has to realize that just because you see kids in a shopping cart, doesn't mean they're for sale.  All I can say is, thank goodness no one made an offer like that to my family when I was a kid.

Now let’s see exactly what we’ve got here: we got Florida - check.  We got Walmart - check.  And lastly, we got both Florida and Walmart - jackpot!  I mean, come on - combining Florida and Walmart together?  Isn’t that a little like mixing Ammonia and Bleach?.  

And have you ever wondered why do so many bizarre articles start with the phrase: "A Florida resident…”?  There's got to be something potent in the water down there.  And since Trump’s always yelling about building walls, just maybe it’s time to start thinking about building one around Florida.

https://www.johnnyrobishcomedy.com

Views: 58

Comment by Rodney Roe on October 3, 2018 at 4:49am

"...thank goodness no one made an offer like that to my family when I was a kid."

We used to joke that we didn't need to worry about anyone stealing our younger daughter.  They would bring her back in a couple of hours.  Of course, in those days we thought child theft was carried out by women who couldn't conceive and were desperate. 

Comment by alsoknownas on October 3, 2018 at 6:57am

"why do so many bizarre articles start with the phrase: "A Florida resident…”?  "

hahahahahaha. Good one.

Comment by Johnny Robish on October 3, 2018 at 7:14am

Thanks so much guys!

Comment by koshersalaami on October 3, 2018 at 9:03pm

See O. Henry's "The Ransom of Red Chief"

Comment

You need to be a member of Our Salon to add comments!

NEW BLOG POSTS

Revelations and the Question

Posted by Ron Powell on February 21, 2019 at 5:30am 0 Comments

Clam Crimes Charged

Posted by Robert B. James on February 19, 2019 at 4:41pm 2 Comments

The True Definition of Treason

Posted by Doc Vega on February 19, 2019 at 2:01pm 10 Comments

The Vanity Ring - 4 - Sun on the Rocks

Posted by Workstudio on February 19, 2019 at 10:00am 0 Comments

Enemy of the Good

Posted by Tom Cordle on February 18, 2019 at 3:06pm 31 Comments

© 2019   Created by lorianne.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Privacy Policy  |  Terms of Service