First Skydiver to Successfully Jump Without Parachute

First Skydiver to Successfully Jump Without Parachute:  A skydiver named Luke Aikins has become the first person to successfully skydive without a parachute, jumping from a plane at 25,000 feet above Simi Valley, California and landing perfectly on a 100-by-100-foot net, in an event which was broadcast live over the Fox Network.

Not really surprised it was broadcast on Fox.  Events like this help them move ever closer to their cherished goal of pay per view executions.  It’s been rumored that, beforehand, Fox executives assured Aikins that a jump like this was completely safe - I guess some guys will “fall” for anything.  Besides, had anything gone wrong, Fox could simply blame Obama.  Its a total win-win either way.  One thing’s for sure, this is where the old phrase “look before you leap” really comes in handy, especially when you’re gonna be leaping without a parachute.

Now I suppose my first question to all this would simply be - why?  Did Employment Development tell him he had to widen the net regarding his search for employment?  Did someone tell him to “go take a flying leap?”  Perhaps he’s just a guy who gets bored easily, or maybe he’s just trying to make a good impression on someone.  Either way, I’m guessing his life insurance policy probably doesn't cover this.  As they say, "if at first you don't succeed, then that's it for skydiving."

Online, many of Aikins diehard daredevil fans say had he packed the emergency parachute which was recommended, he’d have been nothing but a big chicken - which further confuses non-skydivers like myself because I’ve never seen chickens wear parachutes.  Hell, you’d think he’d at least consider using an umbrella - it seemed to have worked quite well in Mary Poppins - so its obviously got a proven track record.  

Ironically, when asked if he was nervous about the jump, he told reporters “if I wasn’t nervous, I would be stupid.”  My answer to that is “no sir, you’re already stupid - but you're nervous also.”  I mean, just think about it, one fart and he could blow himself way off course.  Call me a killjoy, but a stunt like this just seems like a slow, inefficient and rather expensive way to kill people off.  And while I’m no risk assessor, it just seems like the NRA's method is much more effective.


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Comment by Jonathan Wolfman on July 30, 2016 at 11:06pm

It was I, dressed as Mr Aikins.

Comment by Johnny Robish on July 30, 2016 at 11:27pm

I thought he looked familiar.

Comment by moki ikom on July 30, 2016 at 11:32pm

At least with his having emergency shoot in place,  he had a Plan B in case he began spiraling out of control.

He didn't learn that from the CheneyBush sociopaths' Shock 'n Awe's Secretary of War Donald Rumsfeld and his departmental cohorts Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Pearle, Doug Feith et al.'s commissions of crimes against humanity which continue in various names to this day. When asked from the press corps about his war department's expectation of refugees fleeing Iraq post-Shock 'n Awe, Rumsfeld's quick response was: "There won't be any." From there on out, through subsequent years of terrorUSt$' killing and destruction it is clear that Rumsfeld's response proved to be as effective an example of the mainstream media press corp's being as near terminally flabbergasted into silence as could possibly be.  Iraqi refugees from terrorUSt$' war on Iraq who fled to Syria were, in terrorUSt$-speak "not really Iraqi refugees, but Syrians; a lot of militant anti-Assad ones at to be sure."

"... a Plan B ? " scoffs Rumsfeld. "Are you kidding? This is going to be a cake walk!"  And he was right, he didn't need a Plan B. He not only landed on his feet smiling to the cameras, he was handsomely awarded, rewarded with honorable and lucrative retirements and perks while the rest of humanity is still in free-fall, wondering what kind of landing we can expect in the absence of a parachute.

Not long ago, my friend's grandsons were suited to skydive, but instead of their parachutes getting a chance to save the boys' lives, they fueled the fire that burned alive the boys harnessed to their instructors.  In their case they may all have been better off not having a parachute.


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