fireworks, madness, pain--- it's all fun 'til you lose an eye

I'm the old man who says stuff like my parents said way back when. 

"It's all fun 'til you lose an eye!"

Does anyone listen? No, no they don't.

 

The 4th is nuts here in "the dotte." Fireworks are still legal. Smoking in bars too. They say "good for tourism."

Right. 

As dark descends all the local crazies, same folks who don't have two pennies to rub together the rest of the year, break out what has to be hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars worth of explosives. No wind, never is on the fourth, so the gunpowder haze rolls down the hill to envelop the trees. The bats return early to their caves, sensing they will better survive one night's starvation. Lightning bugs go unnoticed.

 

(on the fourth) 

Madness sets in. Even for me. I hold black cat bottle rockets between thumb and forefinger and light the fuse. The key with this method is not to hold them too tightly. These are things we learn.

Richard backs up his dinosaur Tahoe with the custom license plate that reads "DERPP" into the back alley. I set a bottle rocket flat on my Indonesian Rhyotah wood deck table aimed towards him to, eh, scare him a bit as he walks up. 

I light the fuse as his door slams shut.

He appears through the haze carrying a black gun case and I yell "DUCK" as my timing and aim were somehow.. perfect.

Richard isn't one to duck though. The rocket whistles past his left ear, no more than six inches above his shoulder. He appears un-fazed. I breathe a short sigh of relief. In a brief spell of returned sanity, I whisper aloud "that could have put his eye out." 

Veronica, fully taken with derangement, now dancing on the table in circles shooting multiple bottle rockets, left handed, right handed... lunacy!

The kids blast about fifty rounds into the ground with Richard's new assault rifle which appears to be fully automatic and is surely illegal, while I toss handfuls of waterproof "bunker busters" into a half filled 5 gallon bucket. I like the hollow sound. The bucket steams up like a witches cauldron.

I grab the twelve gauge and a three inch magnum with triple ought buckshot that we keep here.. for defense, and blast it into the ground. The report is deafening, and the "kick" nearly unhinges my shoulder.

Veronica screams out, "OUCH. FUCK!!"

 

 A rocket gone awry, shot from her own hand, had circled back and exploded on her knee, directly on her barbed wire tat.

These black cats are the best money can buy, or so Eli tells me.

I admonish her.. "see, now what if that had been your eye?"

 

(above pic taken yesterday evening) 

 

 

Views: 32

Comment by tr ig on December 25, 2012 at 12:15pm
non-fiction thursday
jesus. good thing y'all were being careful.
CONFIRMING CERTAIN PEOPLE'S OPINIONS!
Yeah but were you drinking? It's not all-American if you don't mix the guns and explosives with alcohol.
You're supposed to shoot guns in the air in the hope of putting someones eye out. Dont you know anything?
Her knee looks like its been in a car wreck!
Yes Candace... always safety first

Myr.. this is pretty much a typical night in 'merika

nanatehay--YES

John.. heard tell of an eleven year old girl somewhere in the area taking an errant skyward round to the neck. Barely missed her eye. So we shoot into the ground. You oughta see the trench Richard's gun made.
You've also shot yourself in the foot as they say around these----->
here parts.`
Muskets? What about using bloody Muskets. Worked in 1776.
creeks..Eli did shoot one round from his 1941 Russian .762x.54. It's the closest thing we have to 1776.
I timed my release of this piece with the intent of having it on the OS cover for the full weekend, possibly until next Tuesday or Wednesday.
...and enough whiskey to wash down 4 aspirin.
Can you still buy M-80s and Cherry Bombs at the Reservations?
next time use a metal vacuum cleaner hose extension. and watch em fly!
bleue, earplugs would have been appropriate. Heck what about safety goggles? Na!

Larry, I imagine so. The Mexicans across the alley had some stuff that would knock us off our chairs. What we had came from some road side stand in Missouri that Eli picked up. I spent NADA.

Moonkey.. yeah? sounds.... fun : )
Hey Pops, you're the people on my street that allow me to stay home and watch the fun from my porch! For that I am ever grateful. For V's knee..Shame on you All! ;-)
its all fun & games till somebody loses an eye...


then its fun & games without depth perception.


i LOVE youse guys!
How far can a round from that assault rifle travel? Could it still be headed my way? And I thought the maniacs across the street were crazy. That knee looks awfully painful.

Lezlie
TME-- POPS? You are welcome

~l~ LMAO @ "fun & games without depth perception" We wuvs u 2

Lezlie.. no worries. Those bullets will emerge in China right around Dec 21, 2012
Sorry to hear about your friend. At least you didn't do the butt cheek as bottle rocket holder trick some kids on YouTube did. Instead of losing an eye they singed their butt holes. Now that's really *hitty.
OMG! That is celebrating? OWIE!!!!!
I’ve been away from the blogosphere for a while and was craving some OS action after a ridiculously long wait at the DMV this afternoon and your blog did not disappoint. The little details really paint the picture… “The lightening bugs go unnoticed”. Your writing continues to ripen with time, Trigger. 

But seriously? Haven't you almost lost an eye once already?! Rockets *AND* guns?!
DHARMA!!! In your long absence you've forgotten how to rate?
Wow, good to see YOU! A rather great day at OS from my perspective. I wake up to posts by two who have been long gone, Anni-Thyme, and Lonnie Lazar... now an appearance from dharmabummer! Post a life update girl!!!

Trudger, please tell me you haven't tried the "butt cheek as bottle rocket holder trick!" You have, haven't ya. Sigh..

Sheila.. it was in control, then OUT OF CONTROL!
Don't be silly, what are the odds you'll get hit in the eye and if you lose a finger you still have 7 more. I highly recommend ladies either wear a high necked shirt or, go braless and leave the shirt untucked if firing something that flings hot casings back at you. One of life's hoppin' little lessons.

Really I just came back to look at the updated photo. It's fabulous! After that injury V must have that Fucshia Power nail polish by Sally Hansen so her toes match her bathing suit. Drug store and then paint them for her, get on it boy!
Tr ig, sorry, but there are some levels of stupidity that even I will not dive into.
that is some seriously bruised and swollen limb!
I see you added your picture. Is that really you:) Fourth of July fireworks scare me...stuff happens. Things get crazy.
~TEARS~ Ain't fireworks great!? EEK on the knees!!

All fun and games till someone loses a knee.....~nodding~

~wanders off~
There's a little pyro in all of us. :)
I would have given it an EP. It's the perfect blend of literature and moralizing.
Actually, I made this up. It will be re-submitted tomorrow for fiction friday. That's a photoshoop bruise:)
That's one big bruisie ouweeeeee! Don't you kids ever learn?!? Love your avatar photo!
I just unrated this post because you gave dharma some crap for not rating it. That game we played a few months ago was pretty fun, no?

And I'm just following l'heure around tonight cracking up at her comments. Woman's on a roll.
Don't be such a wet blanket! It can still be fun for everyone else who didn't lose an eye and get to tell a hilarious 4th of July story about the doofus who did; even more fun if someone taped it and it gets millions of hits on Youtube.
Candace, you did not! Did you? Yeah, bleue is all wound up lately. I love it! 

Thanks one and all. Hope this post didn't give anyone nightmares.
OMFG Trig.... I couldn't survive a minute. After working in a peds hospital for so long, I can't be around that stuff and it was hard for me to read, I was frightened till the end. 
But your writing here was pretty amazing, turning the screw on up ramping us up like the night must have felt itself. 
So glad an eye was not put out.
Our Mom is a nurse. Cut her teeth with 15 years or so in a down in the ghetto-ish hospital emergency room. Hope she didn't read this!
leaving the city fireworks which were incredible and tried not to think how many thousands of dollars they cost...and yet we are groveling for arts support...people were shooting off their own and it felt slightly dangerous, therefore I felt slightly brave and courageous which was a bit exciting.

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