Dems Discover Fountain of Youth

Ponce de Leon would be pleased to know that as a result of a surprising result of the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election, many of the losing class have discovered the secret of, if not youthful appearance, at least childish behavior.

Mini-leaguer to coach: “We lost the game, coach. Why didn’t you let me in? If you had, we would have won.” Coach responds, “What makes you think that, BO? You single-handedly made us lose our last eight games with your errors.” “But coach, look how popular I am. And I’m class president.”

“I’m sorry you lost your jellybeans, Maxine. Would you like me to help you find them?” “Certainly not, Donnie. I think you stole them.” “I didn’t Maxine, but I think I know who did.” “Go away, Donnie, I’m never, ever, going to speak to you again. So there!”

“Jillie, I hate to tell you that for the seventh time in our six-year elementary school contest, you’ve been voted “Least Likely to Succeed.” “Really! I’m going to appeal to the United Nations.”

“Thanks, DeeBee, for saving your mommie from being raped by that intruder.” “Don’t mention it, Dad. How much are you going to pay me for doing it?”

“Girls, I’m so thrilled to tell you that our junior high school cheerleading team has been chosen to cheer for Notre Dame in the college finals next month.” Count me out,” shouted Mary, “Notre Dame is full of Catholics.” When Mary’s position is communicated to ND, they agree to let Mary sit it out. A more satisfying solution would be for ND to say, “It’s all or nothing, sorry.” This would put Mary under a degree of intense peer pressure that is totally appropriate.

Reporter to BO: “Well, BO, now that you’re graduating junior high without winning the Most Politically Correct Student Award, I suppose you’re on to high school.” “Oh, no, that will have to wait. I’m going to pitch a tent outside the school with a branch at the local maternity ward to prevent future junior highschoolers from making the same mistake my classmates did. It's my way of saving souls.”

[List incomplete]

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