Senator Chuck Schumer, arguably the top ranking democrat in the United States right now, believes that there is no peace between Israel and Palestine because — well, because the Palestinians don’t believe in the Torah.
Speaking at the AIPAC Policy Conference earlier this week, Senator Schumer shuffled his way through a list of clunky talking points ostensibly exonerating Israel of any blame for — well, anything.
It’s not about the settlements, he explained, aptly noting that the conflict didn’t end in 2005 after Israel withdrew a whopping 2 percent of the settlers living in the occupied Palestinian territories.
It’s not about borders, obviously, because Yasser Arafat said ‘no’ that one time, Schumer told the crowd of people who had clearly been on the fence about whether Arafat was the bad guy in this story.
And it’s definitely not about moving the U.S. embassy to Jerusalem, he preached, because … well, he didn’t actually explain that one. But I’ll agree with him on this point, considering that it hasn’t actually happened yet.
So why isn’t there peace? According to Schumer, it’s because “too many Palestinians and too many Arabs” do not want a Jewish state on land their land.
“Of course, we say it’s our land, the Torah says it, but they don’t believe in the Torah,” he continued. “So that’s the reason there is not peace.”
Schumer’s theory raises a number of interesting questions, first and foremost: Can there be peace as long as the Palestinians refuse to believe in the Torah?
Which, in turn, raises an even more burning question: Instead of negotiations — which are obviously pointless because, according to Schumer, the conflict is a religious war and not about land or borders or rights or embassies —should the United States focus its peacemaking efforts on converting the Palestinians to Judaism.
Once the Palestinians have been converted to Judaism, after all, they will probably start believing in the Torah, which would most definitely lead them to accept that the Land of Israel belongs to the Jews.
And then peace will reign.
There’s only one flaw: the new Jews (the recently converted Palestinians) probably wouldn’t be allowed to stay in Israel. The Israeli Interior Ministry isn’t all that hot on converts.
Here’s video of Schumer’s speech. Enjoy. If video’s not your thing, here’s a transcript.