I am making carrot soup tomorrow. Not just any carrot soup, but my favorite curried carrot soup with rice. It is a good tummy warmer for when I feel less than terrific and also nice when the weather is cold. I went to the store today for some more carrots, knowing full well I did not have enough of them to make this recipe, then found I had a little extra time near the end of my visit to do some people watching.

It's a busy store, generally speaking, yet I was surprised at just how many people were out and about in the middle of the afternoon for groceries, etc. on a weekday. There were mothers with babies and young children, elder couples, and lots of young people, all shopping and enjoying the scene.

There's also a Starbucks in that shopping area, so lots of coffee drinking was going on. What I noticed most of all was that people were, for the most part, glad about being in the store together. It was one of those moments when we notice the best in others, as if there is some magical force tying us all together by invisible threads.

Now, I had been in a pretty punky mood, one I'm not proud of. I really had my life painted a pretty dark color this morning, for the most part. That this is not uncommon for me this time of year, many of you already know, based on my most previous post's second section. Yet this was darker, more serious, and lingeringly dangerous than I'd seen it in a long while. I like to know what my psyche is up to, and have found medication (to ease depressed states of being) to be something which either would not work for me well enough and/or has caused allergic reactions, some of them quite alarming, and so dispensed with them a few years ago. This was not handy. Yet I do like to keep my finger on the pulse of my own mindset so I can fix it if need be, like a mechanic fixes his/her own vehicle. I wouldn't recommend this for some people, yet it seems to work pretty well for me--much of the time. I do my meditation routine in the morning, then fix a bite to eat, perhaps blog a bit, do some chores, maybe even make a trip to a store, like today. But I felt like flatlining this morning and that won't do.

This close call is not my cup of tea. I do not dig suicide. While it is always an option, and some may find it a relief just to give up, I've managed somehow to tough it out through some pretty bad times for a lot of years. To give up now would be a real cheat for all that time spent on expanding my chances of survival along with my understanding of human consciousness.

While I awaited my homeward ride, I had two things happen that surprised me. One was a nice looking older man made eyes at me, and the other was that a young teenaged girl waved at me, even though we don't know each other. It suddenly occurred to me how in contrast to my regular levels of courage, determination for the journey and stick-to-it-inveness my new bad mood had grown.

I said to myself, No way will I allow the old "black dog" (ala Winston Churchill) to take me down such a path.  Not that I think I would have come home and drowned myself, mind you, nor done damage to myself. But. I was beginning to get to the point of being just maudlin enough to scare myself. So here's to my curried carrot rice soup and a new day. In saying No to the "black dog," I hope to move through this time into a better one.

Peace, all.

Views: 205

Comment by alsoknownas on January 2, 2013 at 7:24pm

I'm not here for the writing but the photo looks good with the background.

Comment by Marlene Dunham on January 2, 2013 at 7:34pm

Well, it sounds like you're already moving into a better time.  That carrot soup sounds great.  Enjoy & be at peace.

Comment by Poor Woman on January 2, 2013 at 7:43pm

aka: That has to be one of the funniest comments ever to cross my path LOL

Marlene: Thanks. I do hope so. It's going to be a long month. And the soup is great. One I find my recipe for it, I will post it here.

:)

Comment by tr ig on January 2, 2013 at 7:54pm

PEACE PW. I like the report of the day. That's what I like to do too. Sounds positive. Things looking up. What color is carrot soup? How do you make it?!

Comment by Poor Woman on January 2, 2013 at 8:01pm

It is the same vivd color as L's new background, of course.

Sautee one finely chopped onion slowly till it's done (you know, pretty well seethru)

Meanwhile, steam those baby carrots

Mash the two together

Or puree in a blender

add curry to taste

+ one regular batch freshly cooked still warm long grain brown rice (Do not blend this0

Then add enough curry to please your palate.

Thanks for commenting

Comment by Poor Woman on January 2, 2013 at 8:03pm

Oh. Forgot. You may wish to add milk/soy milk/rice milk to that. Some choose heavy cream. My arteries would scream  over cream, though

;)

Comment by Zanelle on January 2, 2013 at 9:20pm

I know that black dog well.   He needs to be on a leash.  The peace of death should be alluring.  We don't need to be afraid of it.  But it is not an answer to the problems of life.  Living is the answer.  Doing stuff.  Taking risks and reaching out to people even if you have been hurt or hurt someone else.  You are such a fine spirit.  Thanks for the carrot soup inspiration.

Comment by Poor Woman on January 2, 2013 at 9:23pm

Zannelle: You really are such a dear. Thanks for being such a supportive sister blogger.

Comment by Emily Conyngham on January 2, 2013 at 9:45pm

You go, girl! Carrot soup and paying attention to what is outside your own head is so important! Remember, spring will come pretty soon,

Comment by Poor Woman on January 2, 2013 at 9:52pm

It's not spring I await so much as the end of this bloody awful month, Em.

But thank you. very encouraging words.

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