I have supported the idea of Quebec separatism for quite a while. My reasoning is simple: if the Maritime provinces are geographically cut off from the rest of their country and they have a population to their West that has just rejected them and doesn't want to speak their language, their friendliest neighbors will be those to the South. Open talks to add the Maritimes into the US. We've had our eye on Canada for a couple of centuries, so this would go through Congress pretty quickly.

If I publicize this idea and it gains any traction, particularly if the Maritimes have enough sense to play along, it will very quickly kill Quebec separatism.

But I've been listening to Myriad compare Canada to the US - Their health care works, their cops don't use Black children for target practice while being protected by their prosecutors, their attractive Prime Minister meets Syrian refugees at the airport to welcome them, their national government actually works instead of being in permanent gridlock - and I realize my model is upside down. We don't need to take over Canada, we need to get Canada to take over the United States. We need to agitate in favor of Canadian imperialism.

Think about this. The next time we get involved in some foreign intervention requiring so many people that they reinstate the draft, our draft dodgers will already be in Canada! How cool is that?

What's in it for Canada? They don't lose their show business talent. Where will Neil Young, Joni Mitchell, Howie Mandel, Celine Dion, and Shania Twain live? In Canada!

Do you hate Washington? Now you can hate Ottawa instead. Washington can become insignificant, just like the headquarters of a company that's been bought out.

The Middle East? The Great Satan suddenly disappears. Who will Al Qaida hate? No one hates Canada.

All that military aid? From Canada? Are you kidding?

And for all you royalists, Queen Elizabeth would now be your Queen! You can actually care about the Royals.

Instead of thinking of our national police as the drab FBI, we'll have Bright Red Mounties. Much more stylish, and with horses and cool hats.

Alaska would actually be connected to its own country.

Oh. Sorry about the Pipeline. We'd get it now.

People would be able to sing our national anthem. No more octave and a half range no one can reach.

No more worrying about where to put stars on the flag every time we add a state. A Maple Leaf is a Maple Leaf.

The whole Confederate thing would become even more irrelevant than it already is.

Canadians would get to learn how to play real football.

All that French you took in high school would actually be useful.

We'd create millions of new jobs switching rulers, measuring cups, and speedometers to metric.

Myriad wouldn't have to write anti-American posts any more, but it would make an even bigger difference to another blogger

because there are no "$”s in "Canada."

Views: 301

Comment by Token on December 31, 2015 at 12:00pm

Would love to discuss this with you....

You are smart enough to figure out why I won't be.....

Happy New Year, Kosher

Comment by Anna Herrington on December 31, 2015 at 12:51pm

Ha  : )  

Some good points here - and Canadians are great at loving and promoting their own - but I dated a Canadian for over seven years, spent plenty of seasons up there in BC, Ontario and Saskatchewan... and my own personal feeling on their imperialism would be:  No Thanks!!!  

Of course, maybe things are different than they were back then, but the humiliation of the boychild who came out wearing his sister's wedding dress was complete, the liver failure from all the drunkenness was, sadly, all too real, the domestic abuse rampant, the racism and bigotry rampant as well...the myopia, epidemic.

The Chinese restaurants (every one I went to) were all fabulous.

Comment by koshersalaami on December 31, 2015 at 1:04pm
I've been told that Vancouver Chinese restaurants are among the best in the world because a lot of those immigrants are from Hong Kong.
Comment by alsoknownas on December 31, 2015 at 1:08pm

Better brush up on my French speaking skills, eh?

Comment by koshersalaami on December 31, 2015 at 1:10pm
Comment by Jonathan Wolfman on December 31, 2015 at 1:41pm

I'm all in.

Comment by Myriad on December 31, 2015 at 1:45pm

Take y'all over?  Thanks but no thanks.

Comment by Zanelle on December 31, 2015 at 1:52pm

Im in....Come get us Canada....Fun idea.

Comment by koshersalaami on December 31, 2015 at 2:05pm
Whatzamatta, Myriad, you too good for us?
Comment by nerd cred on December 31, 2015 at 2:18pm

Here in Almost Canada you'd think they could just annex us.


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