The most important thing in my life right now is waking up in the morning wanting to get out of bed. The second most important thing is to do the things that feed my soul once I get up upon my feet. The struggle I go through each day is balancing how other people see me with what I actually feel. Not so long ago I looked like death warmed over. That made it easier for other people around me to accept where I was. I look healthier now because I took control of my monkey brain. I gained my weight back because I learned how to adjust my diet. I have become functional again because I have accepted what is happening to me. I tolerate constant pain because I have separated myself from it, not because it has gone away. I very simply do not have the energy to struggle with the day to day fears and judgments others feel they must embrace. I depend on magic. I live in a magical world that keeps giving me miracles. Many of the people around me are part of that magic, whether they know it or not. Here is where I am because of the life I have lived and the struggles I have endured: I am not afraid of dying! That means I am not susceptible to blackmail. That means I will not be doing what the average person on the street might do in the same situation. So tomorrow morning I’m going to get up and do what feeds my soul. And I will continue to believe that there is some magical force in the universe that will give me another miracle to support me. For you see, I am not human, I am a butterfly! I have always been a butterfly!   

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Comment by koshersalaami on August 31, 2016 at 9:00pm
Sounds like you're coping as well as can be coped. Good going.
Comment by JMac1949 Today on August 31, 2016 at 9:01pm

"The most important thing in my life right now is waking up in the morning wanting to get out of bed."

Damn, me too.  Whether or not I want to do it, I still have to get up to pee.  It usually takes a couple of cups or coffee and three or four cigarettes before I can get my heart started.  It was hard enough last year, but since we lost James Emmerling, it's been much harder for me.  Eight months now and I'm still running on fumes. It's slowly getting easier, but there are still bad days.

"Here is where I am because of the life I have lived and the struggles I have endured: I am not afraid of dying!"  Me too.  Thanks for the butterfly.  R&L

Comment by Zanelle on August 31, 2016 at 9:23pm

Such a lot of hope   Thank you.  Fumes fuel me too as I am sputtering out but I take it one moment at a time and that helps.  Hearing from people like you helps too.  Butterflies!!

Comment by Zanelle on August 31, 2016 at 9:25pm

Such a lot of hope   Thank you.  Fumes fuel me too as I am sputtering out but I take it one moment at a time and that helps.  Hearing from people like you helps too.  Butterflies!!Image result for butterflies in hawaii

Comment by Jonathan Wolfman on August 31, 2016 at 9:45pm

ALL-BEST, ROBERT!

Comment by Myriad on September 1, 2016 at 1:52am

Oh dear. As life closes in on me, I get frustrated...I only have the energy to do a little bit each day, and there's so much to do...if only to get things together before I die. Butterflies, must think butterflies... Meanwhile, blessings to you!

Comment by alsoknownas on September 1, 2016 at 6:38am

I'll be hoping the best for you Robert.

Be well.

Comment by Dalriadane on September 1, 2016 at 11:36am

It is the little accomplishments that add up, Robert.  The feral cat from the campus I fed and then tried to catch for the better part of year, and caught only because a humane society volunteer helped me, had fixed and released to my home,  just this morning jumped up on the bed where I was reading my newspaper with my other cat, Delilah. 

So keep on keeping on, butterfly!

Comment by Sheila Reep on September 8, 2016 at 2:14pm

Butterflies are free!

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