The son is visiting his mother, her mom who is Gwamma Bev, and his cousins and Uncle Eddie (whom all I dig), and step aunt from that side of what was once our family (she's awesome also), this afternoon-evening, Christmas eve. It's still his family, actually, isn't it.. I dig them all, mostly. 

She.. his momma, sent me a text last night. Said "you're a cunt! Have a nice night." I didn't reply to that one, nor to the one before that a couple of days ago that was more toxic by far. Taken with a grain of salt ya know. Perhaps I asked for it. Probably so..  

The circle of hate, that was us. Guess it still is for her. I let it go in 07. Righto! She, yes,  has a gold-medal affinity for never ending grudges. Me, a high-test capacity to build emotionally cannonball-proof defense walls... once erected pretty much impenetrable, or so I like to pretend.

She was a good mother. Very good even. Deep strength there.. we bonded for a reason. He now lives and walks this planet. Some day, he may even get a flight suit.


I don't feel terrible for the kid. Na.. he's sucked it up and accepted it for what it is. After all, we don't know anyone who's home is not broken to some degree. Some are ruined; circumstances much worse than I can imagine having to endure.  I thank my whatevers that we've had it so easy, relatively.

Still, he, "home" for military leave. This is home. A single parent shotgun rental in a shaky part of town where he once had a two parent home-owner type house on the hill.

Hell, it was still the ghetto, and there he had to endure watching, participating in, or hiding from our hideosity as the crumbling greed economy iced the cake of our personal marital and familial failures.

Sighs deep and heavy..

I could go to midnight mass with my mom and brother and his girlfriend but feel hypocritical attending such things as I mostly detest churchies. That said, I do get the value of the message. Just bugs me that Jesus' birthday was changed to winter solstice by a Roman emperor to win over the pagans who celebrated this time of year anyway.

I'd be more inclined to participate otherwise.

Yeah I think too much. My family is just fine, as much as most at least, better than many, ok, some... better being a relative term of course.

Sorry if you're depressed now.

I'm not!

Tomorrow I will celebrate with those that we still have. 

My goodness it's complicated but LOVE is abundant.

Quite nice to be here... I think. 

Love to all my peoples..


See you in the continuum 

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