You seem to have become bored by your own self,

the creation you've devised, right at your feet.

I don't exactly know where it came from,

but now, at exit, i see how it's crept in, underneath.

a certain shyness, or was it slyness? I knew in mis-Steps,

the very steps you did not take, all along.

you always have a way of passing edicts,

directing Others, so they never ask if anything is wrong.

it's a natural charm that you possess;

but at this point, i think you look at it askance.

it was always there, so why not rely on it?

after all, all that has been given you, has been by chance.

discluding others in relations can become an aberration

when what you present is what upon others feed.

it does you no good to try to appear put upon,

when what you give out is what you decide they need.

i only have my own perceptions of you,

From the things you said of yourself as we met.

and i've relied on you to live by them,

just as you gave me the same, to beget.

it's not easy for me to see you slowly implode,

or release, or relinquish, or deflate.

I only know I see it, and I've said it for too long,

and I cannot entice your fate.

I feel i've tried my best to invite you, back.

give out the same initiative i felt, in return.

but It always seems to cause some bristling in you;

You don't want to change, align with, or learn.

I Asked for so long, What Ever is wrong?;

I always saw the deep furrows on your brow.

but you'd always skirt it, so .. i chose not to hurt it;

so We Remained In The Same Puzzle, somehow.

to me, the answer was obvious,

when you choked Over Why You Remained Attracted To Me:

I always made things easy for you;

but When I met you, that was what you needed.

But the rift remains, and nothing has changed.

i have no idea why i'm such a challenge, balance, or truth.

i only see what has become of you,

more implosion, victimization, burden of proof.

i know what i feel, and it's tender.

but i can't cognize myself into a place

that you have surrendered to others,

my only question is why? what is gained?

I have my adages like - empower your self,

and do that by leading others on their own way.

but if you cannot see what is sought from you in the first place,

you'll just keep on being the doormat that you claim.

as an aside, i never thought you were attracted to me.

I always thought I reminded you of someone else.

but that never mattered, what mattered is that you appeared,

and you've given me all these things, to have felt.

I am not the editor of you; only me.

and i daresay it's all been timely, and fine.

and although i tried to hand the same back to you,

it was never in an effort to make you mine.

All I ever Wanted Was To Know You,

And I've Tried my Best To Be Friends.

But everyone seems to Want to take a bite of you,

and i just don't want to be one of them.


Septober, 2017

Graphic:  "Dish It Up"

Pottery by Karen Howell

Views: 63

Comment by The Songbird on July 9, 2018 at 5:11am

Wow!  Thanks, Monkey!  Guess I had a lot to spat, in order to ounce it down to -- just that!!  

Glad someone else understands the head-fwanging involved!

(btw - no idea why i can't stop it being on Bold.  formatting is sorta 'gone' on this site for me.  may be my computer is too old, and Chrome doesn't compute with it any more.  but -- at least it's apropos here!) 

Comment by koshersalaami on July 9, 2018 at 5:39am

I thought the bold was intentional because of starting every word with a cap, like in a title. Why that choice?

Comment by Ron Powell on July 9, 2018 at 6:31am

"I Asked For So Long, What Ever Is Wrong?;

I Always Saw The Deep Furrows On Your Brow.

But You'd Always Skirt It, So .. I Chose Not To Hurt It;

So We Remained In The Same Puzzle, Somehow."

Every piece has a core or a center around which the entire work is woven and wrapped.

The quoted excerpt does that for me here. It makes the remainder of the poem applicable to a life choice and experience that, though long ago ended or concluded, remains as an indelible influence on my being what, who, and where I am today...

You've written the lyrics to a wonderful song....All that is needed is the music which complement and augment your message.

Well done!

Comment by The Songbird on July 9, 2018 at 7:47am

Hidey, Kosh .. I've mentioned this before with you, at least about formatting.  The font is just American Typewriter, and I was using Libre Office's wp, but -- I've no idea about the caps. You know my usual, I cap within, not begins so much, etc.  But -- every word was cap'd, and - I couldn't find the mechanism, and I just didn't want to stop.  These writings just come, as they are pretty much, of a piece, and then I just make a few adjustments, take out buts, ands, ors, etc., for flow, but the meaning doesn't change. Perhaps not using a word twice, in such a brief piece, like that.  I didn't mind it really, as it was an 'automatic writing' anyway to find out what my brain was trying to tell me, but when finished, I still never did find out what had been Selected.  You can highlight a piece, and see by the checks what is/isn't; no idea.  

I upload with Firefox, also an older version (old Mac Mini; no further upgrades), just in effort to keep things single spaced.  This one did, at least, remain single-spaced, but became Bold.  There is no formatting tool in there, either, for such things, underline, italic, etc., so I had little choice but to leave it.  

I dislike not presenting thing as intended, as I feel bold, and double-space rather 'shout,' like that adage in netspeak that capitals are shoutings.  But -- at least I got it to my 'notebook' or such! -- I've no other way THAN the net to meld the graphics to the words, and the graphics end up speaking volumes to me.  This one is most special, in that the Howell pottery was something my daughter collected in this rabbit series until they suddenly became so exorbitantly pricey, she stopped.  But the scared rabbit, the reflection of its own self in the moon, the centre of it's own world, and the two carrots -- two are ripe, another two are half bitten.  The dark slope of the trajectory, not to mention it is a serving vessel rather sums up what appears to be what bedevils this person, and the imaginary adversaries he chooses to defy, or deceive, always so sighing, and obligated, to unnamed persons that continue a triad of - what?  I'm sure the others that have also decided not to speak to him have found that as well.  Otherwise, they'd be speaking.  And he must get something from it; otherwise he'd stop doing it.  The attempts to say hey, just name it something else - again --frantic.  NO-nono!!  I don't want anything to change!?  So, point B always reveals the squeaky wheel, but you couldn't stop it in process, because you were another unwitting part of it.  It's the most fascinating thing I think I've ever been involved in, as it just is it's own self-serving continuum.  When that one, certain something occurs, that suckerpunches you with the summation of the truth, the thread, the commonality of all that effort toward - the same question, really, whyfor?! - it stops on a dime.  A packet of dimes, in this case, was the actual cause of that moment.  The only clear answer?  Remove yourself from the equation.  I put the packet (found, emptied), on his porch.  To suckerpunch the same truth, back, was all there was for it.  

But it's been a fascination as well.  So many 'old adages' that float through.  The truth hurts, When you try to get away with things, that's what comes; people try to get away from you, much ado, all those things.  And it becomes quite funny, and I can't help but let them pass by, and laugh over their new meanings, but -- also knowing the wariness of such behavior.  If someone is feeding on you, for what ever reason, they must think you have something they don't.  He gave me a great many things, I mean -- financial things, roof work, gutters, a car, lots of things I could not have.  But they were built upon a sharing, and I gave in return, of course, settling legal matters, his land, everyday care.  But the oddity of the illusion of what was there all along, I can only say from my own stance.  Well, and the outer - seeing him continually creating messy situations, being 'christian' and 'benign' but -- the only things that add up are what is subtracted.  

Obviously!, I'm having quite a thoughty time over this relationship over the last 4 years!  But the dimes -- that is what finally brought me to the right place - that of indifference.  BEING out of the equation.  

Seems my Lot, in life, to find what I want, by bumping into what I do not.  I adjust accordingly!! 

And that was a LOT more than formatting!!  (maybe i'm still a bit lonely is all?)  xo  it's okay.  thinking is my favourite thing! 

Comment by The Songbird on July 9, 2018 at 1:13pm

Thank you, Ron!  And, I think you are right -- it is sort of the centre of the conundrum, ouroboros that was the squeaky wheel all along.  The 'nugget.'  Thanks for saying that you had such an experience as well, and that it became indelible.  I suppose this one is, too.  The question never gets answered, only leads to another, and back again.  You can only suppose from your own stance, so -- that is the lesson - your own stance.  I can't say anything I haven't already, and I know my behavior runs right alongside everything I ever said.  It is a wondrous thing, really, how you can be interpreted by others!  It seems unfortunate, at times, they didn't, or wouldn't say, but I find that intentions and behaviors are two very separate things.

There is a song, actually!  About the time this all unraveled, I met a fella that gave me a piece of music to write lyrics to.  Already written, it was a very different framework, but at one point -- I just had to stop.  I guess I had to know what the ending lines were, and could not until the situation itself revealed it's end point.  The dimes, spoken about with Kosh -- provided that.  So - hey!  Turn it into art!  After all, there is art in finesse, and style, and grace itself.  

I'll actually be happy to finish the song, as it's lingered for a while now.  Bet you know what that's like too! - like a little busy-signal in the background!! 

Thanks much for your sharing!  -- I just want to be included!!!  Hahahaah!!  What's so bad about tha-aaat?!!!  :-D 

Comment by The Songbird on July 9, 2018 at 1:56pm

Btw, Ron -- Your type font followed the part in mine that you quoted!  The bold, etc.  Odd, huh? 


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