Believers Gather at First Ever Flat-Earth Conference: The first-ever Flat Earth International Conference, aimed at disputing the idea that the world is round, has just wrapped up in North Carolina. Gee, I was gonna attend, but I never got “around” to it. OK, I really didn’t go because I was flat-broke. Besides, what on Earth do they hope to accomplish anyway? Don’t they know there’s nothing new under the sun? Personally, I think a lot of guys just go to these conferences hoping to meet women by pretending to believe, but the women know its just flattery.
Only 10% of Americans Eat Enough Fruits and Vegetables: According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), only a sliver (1 in 10) of Americans eat enough fresh fruits and vegetables. The CDC warns that if the trend continues, they may be forced to implement a “no dessert until you eat all the veggies on your plate policy.”
Ohio Judge Brags About Having Sex With 50 Very Attractive Females: An Ohio Supreme Court justice who is running for governor tried to get ahead of any Al Franken-type allegations of sexual misconduct against him by bragging in detail about his sexual conquests. Yea, let me guess - they were all hookers? But come on, you know he’s lying. Everyone knows there’s not 50 attractive women in Ohio. Especially when they remove their dentures.