my good friend philip -- the tech guy who set up my new laptop for me and fixed everything that could be fixed in this place -- couldn't figure out my smartphone camera so i have like 1000 pics of me and Cocoa Chanel, my Wonderpup/Service Dog/Canine American, and me. it's fine. better than the cranky ones. i love this because it mostly hides my Fatitude! i will upload some great photos of Gary Cooper the kitten very soon. for my birthday i got great new treats and toys for my critters. a selection of scratch pads and a huge bottle of catnip and one of those round ones with the white ball that cats love to bat back and forth. it makes Gary very happy and he's an ungrateful dude. i got CC the kibble and treats that she loves best and some of those toys that you put treats in and she rolls it around and the pieces fall out and she gets great mental exercise. (my former dog trainer told me that they get a decent workout from working out their brains.)
okay, so, i blew out my knee a few months ago. my old doctor is a jackass and wouldn't refer me for an MRI. and all that hobbling around destroyed my lower back and my other knee. now that i'm over 60, i just don't heal the way i used to. but i am nothing if not Persistent. so i left message after message after message demanding/begging for/whatever an MRI for the knee, for a new doctor because i hate the one i have/had, for a diagnostic mammogram because the screening one was questionable, for... shit, i can't remember, but several other things including refills of meds, especially painkillers. had to have a pee test but substances are not my Thang. Food, TV, movies, my critters, the internet... back in the day, Sex was a major one. i was a big 'Ho. but now? not so much. at all.
my ridiculously low libido is in Mexico having lunch with my G-Spot and my Looks. they call me occasionally from the Yucatan peninsula to say hello. i'm pissed at them for bailing on me. but i just say, "enjoy the fun and sun, guys." and try not be too bitter.
so i'm not addicted to substances and was able to get scrips for painkillers. i'm strange about this but as long as i have the meds, as long as i have that safety net, i take very little at all.
now, this was kind of scary. i parked 4 blocks away from my poor people's clinic that is so much better than OHSU or any other mainstream medical venue because the doctors and such at Central City Concern are the best people on earth. (well, except for my former MD who was sooo not cool at all) they get paid very little. they are there because they truly care about giving excellent care/treatment to people on the edge. it's a remarkable place because i'm not so poor anymore but they still recommend that i keep going going there and their families and friends too. i donate a good chunk of money to them every month.
okay, cocoa and I were walking to the clinic. a very short ways away. and my back hurt so much and it was so hot and humid that i could barely make it there. CC was fine, thank god. it was so scary. i have never been in such awful pain. cc and i always walk all over the Pearl -- a hip and trendy area across the street from the not great neighborhood of CCC. we walk up and down and visit all the stores that i like and/or that keep doggie treats on hand and dispense all the cash we have brought to help out the homeless people as much as we can on that day.we visit Powells Books and Anthropologie and Whole Foods and cocoa ecstatically snurfs up all the disgusting smells. great fun is had by our little Interspecies Family.
i struggle with the agony and shortness of breath that it takes to travel a mere 4 blocks to our destination. but it's worth it because the new doctor is a delight. great sense of humor, loves dogs, has one. extremely professional and knowledgeable and caring and compassionate and everything Great. she's very cute and fashionable too!!! my whole body relaxed with the overwhelming Relief i felt after dealing with the Cruella Deville of physicians for far too long.
i felt so validated in so many ways. she looked at my MRI results that i waited 2 months to come by. and i have very clear damage to my knee. the meniscus or something is messed up. a ligament i think. and it is something that takes a long time to heal. I had gotten great advice from Jmac. he said that i should keep away from doctors, because they know nothing about these kinds of injuries. he said i should get a referral to an orthopedic surgeon.
so, guess what she does first. she gives me that referral!!!! along with one for a diagnostic mammogram and for Physical Therapy and for a new review of the mental health medications and a similar review of the diagnoses i've been given over time. and info about a weekly clinic to see a therapist who administrates EMDR, an extremely effective treatment for PTSD. i've been seriously traumatized by my last few shrinks -- i will share the stories at some point and you guys will be as horrified as i was/am.
back to my fabulous new MD, Lauren. she miraculously addressed every problem and issue i brought to her. i keep tearing up because i had been sooo afraid that i would never be given the quality of care that my original doctor there had given me. what sucked about her is that she was/is sooooo great that she was promoted to be the Head of the clinic. i talked about how great she is and how much it sucks that she's gone and Lauren and I laughed. cc gave us her Mona Lisa smile which is one of my favorite things in life.
shit, i can't remember what else happened but it was all good and i had all the needed meds either called in or on paper and all the recs too. along with all the appropriate appointments...
then there was the hobbling excruciatingly painful 4 block "walk" back to the car. i felt terrible about not being able to give CC and myself a good ramble around the fun area but, fortunately, she didn't know what we missed out on. and what mattered was that i got some wonderful medical care which will benefit both of us in the short and long run. and that, hopefully, will lead to some effective treatment of knees and back and god knows what else.
okay, so then we come to the Shana the Cleaner. the now former No Common Sense cleaner, thank godiverse. when i realized that she had truly never dusted this place, that she was surprised and overwhelmed when i asked her to do so. when she finished? well, it was ridiculous. but, ironically, it wasn't the terrible cleaning job that put me over the edge. I need to mention that she is Black. not because i'm a racist but because of what comes later on.
she loves to travel which is very cool and kind of puzzling because she doesn't present herself as someone who is adventurous or culturally curious. but, hey, it was enjoyable to hear about. until it wasn't.
she went to Istanbul and to Israel. both fascinating places. she talked about how modern Tel Aviv. the most state of the art city and country she'd ever seen. and how powerful the whole jerusalem thing was. so it was all good. but then she launched in to a Thing about how the Jews run everything and they own everything and blah blah fucking freaking blah.
i tried to explain to her that this is disturbing to Jewish people like me. it's a stereotype of Us, of who we are as a people. you can talk about how much we value education and how social conscious we are. but there are plenty of poor jews, jews who are struggling like everyone else. and the bottom line is that we don't freaking own everything. Warren Buffet. don't think Bill and Melinda Gates are jewish. but there are so many Christians and WASPs who make up huge huge huge amounts of our GDP.
she just couldn't get this at all. i tried to explain that these stereotypes cause other people to hate us. particularly skinheads and militia types like the terrifying guy who blew up the church in South Carolina. and racism is up all over the place. Germany, of course. well, you get the idea. and i know that there are anti-semites on here. and i hope that they will leave me the fuck alone.
so she's going on and on. i just can't get through. and i try to explain that people have all kinds of unfair beliefs and opinions about black people. there's a lot of hatred there. this past year alone has been a horrific one for Afro-American. because of racists who believe terrible things, who are virulent bigots. and how does she feel being labeled a certain way because she is a certain color. she's like, "but those are positive things about Jews.." i cannot fucking get through. no respect for my opinion, for my reasoning, as a Semitic person. When i am her Employer. when she works for me and i am asking/begging for her to shut the fuck up.
it was a huge blessing really. we texted about her next visit and she went on about the dusting and how she didn't have enough time and other bullshit. so i told her not to come here again. that i wished her the best with everything in her life. she probably went on and on in response. but i only read the part the said, "yes, you too." it made me so sad and angry because she has said several times that she loves working for me and enjoys spending time with me so much. shit, if you feel that way, then don't argue with the person all the time, do some freaking dusting and don't talk about the Jews owning the World. just Don't.
as is my wont, i got very depressed. it being my birthday and Ella Fitzgerald having died last July and being in so much freaking pain: both knees, etc. and with the long ass Family weekend coming up and blah blah blah...
but i got pro-active and emailed a bunch of people and got other cleaners who already clean the common areas of this building and they are Green -- this whole place is. of course they are crazy busy and can't come until this friday. whatever. i am doing small manageable tasks every day. and i feel so much relief about Shana being gone. it makes the wait totally ok.
there are other things i wanted to talk about. and many photos to share. mostly of my original service dog Good Willa Hunting. i used to say, "where there's a Willa, there's a way." when the Hoarder Whisperer -- an angel on earth -- did her thing, she unearthed several blown up gorgeous photos of my late Senior Girl. i called her Mom because she was 9 in dog years, making her 63 in people years. i think. same age i am now. she was my Good Mom.
NOTE: next time i will share a very interesting story about how my mother, Leona Helmsly in Polyester (or Martha Stewart in Microfiber), lied to a grand jury and ended up in a Medium security Federal prison for several months because she wouldn't admit she hadn't told the truth while all the other REal Estate Developers, being male and not completely sociopathic- eventually admitted that they paid the bribes to Building Inspectors and got community service. and Leona railed about how it was a feminist issue and we, her progeny, explained that it was not. that it was personal. that she committed perjury and wouldn't own up to it and that that pissed off the Powers That Be.
there is a whole lot more. and you will enjoy it.