Apple Apologizes for Slowing Down Older iPhones: Apple has apologized to customers for deliberately slowing the performance of older iPhone models without those users’ consent. This prompted mega-music service Spotify to apologize for trying to direct older people’s music selections toward slow songs.
White House Is Infested With Rodents and Insects: Documents obtained by NBC show the White House is heavily infested with ants, cockroaches and rodents. Yea, and by all indications - they’ve been busy sucking out every bit of blood they can manage from decent, hardworking American taxpayers.
New Watery Planet Discovered: Scientists have discovered a new type of alien planet — a steamy water world which astronomers are describing as larger than Earth, yet still smaller than Uranus. Yea, well that kind of makes me wonder - just how big do they think my anus is?