Alex Jones Telling Followers to Buy His Merchandise After Banishment: Summoning everything from the Alamo to Roman gladiators, right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones is calling on his loyal Infowars followers to rise up against the anti-Trump “sociopaths” who’ve removed him from most major social media platforms by buying more merchandise from his website. Personally, I kind of feel sorry for the poor guy and, if it were up to me - I’d love to send him tons of money and purchase loads and loads of goodies from his website - but that just won’t be possible because I'm still paying off all my student loans from Trump University.
Elon Musk Tweets He Is Considering Taking Tesla Private: Tesla stock soared after founder Elon Musk tweeted he is considering taking Tesla private in a deal worth tens of billions of dollars. Take them private? Gee, does that mean he’s no longer gonna sell the cars and just keep them all for himself? He must be planning on doing an awful lot of driving.
Missing Man's Body Found in Girlfriend's Freezer: Police have found the body of a Ventura, California man who had been missing for more than two years in a freezer in his girlfriend's storage unit. I’m gonna assume that under the circumstances, its gonna take quite some time before this relationship thaws out.