AG Jeff Sessions Laughs & Repeats Chants of Lock Her Up: US Attorney General Jeff Sessions repeated students’ chants of “lock her up!” at a conservative political summit, laughing at the call to jail Donald Trump’s former election opponent Hillary Clinton. Behavior like this by the nation’s chief law enforcement officer would normally be cause for concern that we’re in danger of becoming a banana republic, but fortunately - Trump’s import tariffs on bananas have already made that proposition way too expensive.
Another New Theory About Amelia Earhart Surfaces: As usually happens about every six months, a new theory about what “really” happened to Amelia Earhart surfaces - this one claiming she and her seriously injured navigator Fred Noonan as well as her Lockheed Electra were marooned in knee-deep water on a reef off Gardner Island in the Pacific. Well, all I can say is, let’s hope they find her soon. I mean, its been 81 years - she’s gotta be getting hungry buy now - not to mention she’d be 121 this year and probably ought to get a physical.
Tortoise Suspected of Helping Baby Alligator Flee Zoo: A baby alligator named Carlos has broken out of a Michigan zoo, and zoo officials believe his escape was in part engineered by a large tortoise that regularly strolls around the area. To back up their accusations, Zoo personnel say they have obtained audio of the tortoise calling out “see you later alligator.”