ad nauseum (buying and selling a house)

so the agent for our buy sends a message this am:

Good Morning - 

I got an email about the appraisal. I don't know what they are talking about relative to a plumbing issue. Can you forward me a copy of the appraisal?

you should know we are to the wire now - both houses closing in less than a week.

this week I've been packing in earnest but my goal today is to finish two rooms.  in spite of having many boxes filled and few of our things remaining, this goal appears impossible.  the house is still cluttered.  I can't believe it!

add to it today I'm tearful.  I'm leaving my beautiful fits like a glove home.  a few more days and kumbaya and goodbye.  sad.  

in this weird weepy emotional state I am honestly surprised to find myself in, I read the agent's email and feel my blood pressure give a start...ooh....wha?  

plumbing issue?

next he responds - no problem - the water has been turned off

WHAT? 

my stomach ignites - NO water?  why is there no water in the pipes?  what kind of crazy nanny state lunacy is this - no water?  my stomach is churning, my bp definitely creeping...   

I wonder if there’s electricity in the house?  I ask.  no answer.  my mind races, my face is hot as I envision my husband and I on moving day - he, an intense man who startles easily and me, equally nuts, both of us jumping and screaming like crackaddicts as we engage in toilet flushing and turning on of faucets while pipes bang and scream at us.

worried - this is not going well. 

I lose track of my little frother.  I live for my frother.  it is sane and civilized in the midst of this savage madness and it makes my coffee pretty.  but I can't find it.  lately, being as old as fuck, I take items and casually leave them everywhere.  I'm either alzheimer's bound or I envision myself growing older and weird and smelly with forgotten things stuck to me.  this is not too far down the line.  I own it.

I haven't left the keys in the refrigerator lately but I've left things in places I don't even remember being in.  like last week, I set an frozen fruit pop down somewhere and then managed to find it before it melted in the drawer I had just emptied.  so there you have it.  bring on big pharma solutions! 

I search for the beloved frother.  it turns up behind something I thought was packed, lying there, quietly waiting for me.  it hadn't left the premises.  my heart fills with hope.

looking around, it occurs to me the kitchen will never be emptied.  it's simply not possible.  I don't know why.  I recall it was empty when we moved in, but I can't say for sure.

moving on.  I fill more boxes.  I drink more coffee.  I mindfuck myself wondering whether I should pack all the dishes or not.

I notice over time I’ve become obsessed with accumulating cleaning products.  I should take pictures because you can't believe how many cleaning products there are in this house.  many many cleaning products for each of the three levels.  this includes 4 vacuum cleaners, all working.   I think about this because it's not like my house has ever been white glove clean.   I wonder how much all these products have cost over time.   I wonder which of them are the best.

I decide to take them all.  

the packing continues. 

Views: 219

Comment by Zanelle on June 30, 2016 at 12:37pm

Oh my!  My heart goes out to you and you have written a wonderful description of moving!!  Erma Bombeck couldnt have done it better.  You arent losing your mind you are in the chaos of moving.  Your life is upsidedown.  So glad you post here and let me in to see the mess.  You are in the pit of the vortex...

Comment by Foolish Monkey on June 30, 2016 at 12:40pm

OMG YES!! the pit of the vortex!! 


Comment by Arthur James on June 30, 2016 at 12:41pm

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I no comment.

Get Plumber who

Build non ` Flash?

no. No ` ` Flush?

Commode ` Get?

Clogged ` Ups?

`

Be Careful...

Bank Lawyers will

Steal TP roll-SQUARES,

UNDERPANT, 'BIC'

LIGHTER, and YA'S

POT? COUCH, AND

YA'S COFEE POT.

`

BE ALERT BUT No

ACT PARANOID. I 

an not a Lawyer, a

banker, or a good

Advisor Counsel.

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James Comey? He

'nice' Marylander.

`cc`

`

Comment by Rosigami on June 30, 2016 at 12:42pm

Incredibley accurate (and monkey-hilarious) account of end-stage moving psychosis. Fortunately, there is a cure, and that comes when all closings are done. Then it'll be on to New House Mania, which resolves eventually. One day you will turn to your hubs and say "We live here now" but you won't really believe it. And then, a little further down, you will. 

Comment by Julie Johnson on June 30, 2016 at 12:43pm

...and, you WILL come out on the other side!

Comment by Foolish Monkey on June 30, 2016 at 1:01pm

oh thanks Arthur.  I'm alert and careful but I expect we'll be buggered at least a few times before all this is said and done.  it's simply another facet of the selling/buying process.

Ah Rosi.  I honestly feel as if I'm losing it today.  I want to accomplish everything and I will get back to it in a minute, but I'll tell you - I'm feeling so stupidly tearful and vulnerable today.  What a day.  But it is a pretty house we're moving to.  You'll see.  It really is.  And it's ONE LEVEL.  yay.

JJ, I do hope so.  I feel as if the only thing coming out the other side is my sanity.  

thank you all.  I actually took some pictures of cleaning products. I will post the tour as soon as they trnsfer to the "cloud".  what crap.  this should be instantaneous.  gah. 

Comment by Arthur James on June 30, 2016 at 1:12pm

`
I NO TRY TO BE
HOGGING THE FEED.
I GO HOME TO FEED
GUEST ` GOO-MUSH.
NO PICK ` BOOGIES.
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PICK BAKER? BANKER?
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`
WE OKAY
NORMAL?
O HOPE
`
cc`
`

Comment by koshersalaami on June 30, 2016 at 2:33pm

I'll be there in a few days. We're being packed but things are such a mess that I'll have to pack a lot for them to even be able to pack. 

Comment by Foolish Monkey on June 30, 2016 at 3:24pm

kosh, selling/buying/packing/moving eventually turns one into a paranoid schizophrenic.  you think you're in control but then it starts to dawn on you there's a force greater than you are that doesn't like you.  and you are at it's mercy.  it hides your things and when you sleep they are brought out and placed willynilly for you to pack again.  it laughs at disheartenment.  

and it steals frothers.  

fuck.

and I thought I had stopped cursing too.

Comment by Julie Johnson on June 30, 2016 at 7:39pm

Just posting a little note here, got your virtual hug the other day, and even in the midst of all the upheaval you took time for that, and seriously it made a difference in my 3 D life.  ty !  There's been a few comments on posts you've written over the past few days, that have sort of 'hit me'...When you were writing about James E. and being in the same town, seeing the same buildings from the same town but never running across each other. 

I bet I've moved and packed and unpacked at least (I'm counting on my fingers now, and it's gone to my toes)  At least 30 times, in my first 35 years.  Mostly rentals, but 4 closings.  I've lost so much 'good stuff', over the years.  I know how to pack too.  Yet, I said to myself when I moved in here, I will NEVER move again.  For awhile there, I wouldn't even leave town, and it got to where I wouldn't drive anywhere either.  It was like I was hanging on to the earth, with my bare toes!  And, I blame part of that psychosis on so much moving.  It really does get to you.  It'll be over soon, hang in there!   

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