"Mary Lou, I told you that I'm not going to do it!", he yelled across the table.
"But if you don't, who will?" she calmly countered.
"I don't really give a rat's ass who does it, but I'm Not," he emphatically stated, slapping the table with each word to get his point across.
Mary Lou sat back firmly on her seat. "Fine, then it won't get done," she replied.
"That's just fine with me. Now, how about dinner," Billy Joe asked, quite pleased with himself at having solved that question just the way he wanted.
Mary Lou stood and started to walk out of the kitchen. "No dinner tonight, Billy Joe. I have to go find someone to do it now that you won't."
"Now wait just a gol-darned minute. I didn't agree to no dinner! And I ain't gonna change my mind. So just git your butt back in here and feed me, girl," he growled, his voice lowering to a deep rumble at the end.
"Billy Joe, you know as well as I do that someone has to do it," Mary Lou sighed. "And since it's my job to make sure someone does, then I have to go find someone tonight. You know it has to be done tomorrow."
"But what about me?" Billy Joe cried. "I work hard all day! I want to have my food when I git home! Why do I always have to wait?"
"Because, sweetheart, I have to have someone. You know that. And you've always done it before so I don't understand why this year is different."
"Because I'm tired of doing it, that's why," Billy Joe stated. "I am always doing it and always catching crap at the job site for the next six months after I do. Why don't you ask Jim Bob? He's right next door. He can suffer for a change."
Mary Lou drew herself up indignantly. "What," she huffed. "You really want that filthy man to have himself in a place that was always reserved for you? How could you do that to me?" she wailed, finally breaking down. "Oh, this has always meant the world to me and you're willing to give it to a man you despise! How could you!!!?" as she ran out of the room.
Billy Joe sighed and put his face in his hands. "Oh Lord, help me. I really, really, really do not want to do it this year, but how can I say no? I know Jim Bob. Any man in town, really, would take this as an opportunity to show himself off to her and I know she doesn't like them like that. How can I put her through it?
"Okay, Mary Lou, okay, I'll do it," he said as he walked in the direction she ran.
Mary Lou was waiting on the other side of the door, dry eyed and smiling.
"Oh, Billy Joe, thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I knew I could count on you! Oh, you're just the best man in the whole wide world," Mary Lou cried out between kisses. "You're Elf suit is in the closet. I got it back from the cleaners and made all the alterations today. You're about the best man alive!"
"Yes, I am," he growled in his sexy way, reaching around to give her a hug. "How about Mrs. Mary Lou Claus showing me just how great I am in a way that counts? Heh heh heh."
"Oh, you're naughty! You know Kris is expected at any minute! And I have to get dinner on the table. Your prize will just have to wait a while longer," she purred as she tickled his chin and kissed him on the nose. "Do you want to stay for dinner?"
"No," Billy Joe sighed. "I better get back to the toy bench. Thanks for fixing up my suit."
"Any time, sweetie, and thanks again for helping me out!", she caroled as she showed him the door. "Better hurry, I hear footsteps outside. Oh, someone's knocking at the back. I'll see you next time."
She skipped to the back door and the warm aromas of the kitchen to answer the back door. She had more men to cozen into doing her bidding...