A Ramble that was supposed to be a story...

A look at where I was a year ago...

Where to go, what to do. Trying on the new normal for size. Still needing some adjustment.

Isn't life odd. Humongous events happen that should at the very least cause a glitch in the spinning but the world just carries on. And you're standing outside, listening to music and looking at a bright blue November sky and you realize that the world is oblivious to you. This planet couldn't care less who is along for the ride. We are like larval mites on a spider's back. Using up resources and hanging on until we morph into the next stage.

The meaning of life. Having spent a lot of time wanting to have a meaning and not sure how to get one, I wonder if there is a grand meaning. Maybe we are just biological organisms meant to live, reproduce, and die. We get a bit more time than the mayfly, but to a mayfly a day is a lifetime. So what lives longer than humans? Trees live longer than humans. Do they see our lifetimes as a couple of their days? Can we say that rocks are alive? They could be. Maybe their metabolism is so extremely slow that we can't measure it. In that case, a human life would be less than a day to them.

So if we are just biological organisms then I have failed in my purpose in that I haven't reproduced. Of course, the planet isn't lacking in people. Humans are over producing at an alarming rate. I read this week that black rhinos are effectively extinct. Whomever came up with the premise that humans have a god-given right to use the planet as they see fit should be tied to an anthill. I feel sad for this old rock we call home. A giant diversity of life and we are killing off all of the large life forms. Using up the resources. Fracking for gas and destroying the waters. Humans have some serious cohones. 

Then there's the whole December 2012 thing coming up. I read a theory that the earth flips its poles every once in a while which effectively destroys life on the planet. There is the king size volcano patch growing in South America that could go off. Could the volcanos cause the earth to go off balance? So many questions. So much supposition. Then there's the irony for all of the people hoarding money. What are they hoarding it for if life is going to end?

If life is going to end soon, what can I do to have fun until then? I am losing weight; down 10% so far!!! Still a few more percentages to go to be as healthy as I want to be, but that's another post. I'm picturing all of the cute clothes I'll be able to wear. It's rough wearing skirts and capris when your ankle ends the day as big around as your knee and your toes have disappeared. Painful, too. That's getting better. My hair is looking good, face looks young, attitude is youthful and trying to recapture my old adventurousness. So now I need a friend. Always a catch.

I am the same age that my mother was when she came to visit me in England. I had so much fun over there. Bought a car, drive like a local. I miss England. I miss being able to afford to have fun and having friends to have fun with. I miss opportunities to have fun. This place really stinks for non-family-friendly fun opportunities. Not having kids, I don't appreciate having them around when I'm engaging in adult fun. Parents seem to find this attitude offensive, but I firmly believe that children don't need to be at a heavy metal concert with a bunch of drunken, half naked adults. Call me old-fashioned. I can take it.

So ends another year in the life. One year ago today I had a vastly different life than I do now. I have lost two loved ones, and yes, I count my Lance as a loved one. I was raking leaves today and realized it is the first time I have ever raked them without a dog around. Going outside is still weird for me and he died in February. But no more dogs. I want a person to hang out with. I don't know how to find one, but that's what I want. Maybe putting it out there will bring one into my orbit.

Wow, this is a ramble but hey, I can talk without interruption! Nice for a change. Y'all take care and enjoy your weekend.



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