My brother was in a terrible car accident this week and walked away.  He is extremely lucky.  A car crossed the median and ran into the front and driver's side of his SUV.  All the air bags inflated and EMS personnel dug him out of the passenger side of the car. 

Which, by the way, is a total loss.  He is fortunate and we are blessed that he's still here.  

Do you tell everything you know?  Do you overshare?

The accident started a bit of a family discussion about who needs to know what.  The accident happened away from home, so likely won't show up in the newspaper or heard by Nosy Parkers on police scanners.

The question is: do the family member tell our elderly father?  My dad is still in relatively good shape and active. He sometimes tells us things twice, and has limited his driving to daylight for errands -- bank, grocery, doctor, etc.  He's closer to ninety than to eighty.

Having worked in hospitals most of my career, I fall on the side of the "need to know basis."  If someone doesn't need to know something, why tell them?  I have asthma and I can think of a couple of times when I've been in the hospital and not shared it with my dad.  Had I been seriously ill, there might not be a choice.  But I was pumped full of oxygen and steroids and good to go after a day.

Another family member says he has the "right to know.

I stopped telling my parents the gory details of my life when I was about 40. My mother is gone now, but I don't think my dad needs to know and worry about things over which he has no control.

What do you think?  

Views: 131

Comment by Foolish Monkey on March 18, 2017 at 2:49pm

since you've already decided what the sensible thing to do would be - and I'm with you on that because why add unnecessary worry to your father's existence - ultimately I think its up to your brother. It was his accident and its possible he doesn't want to share it with your father or for some reason he might. 

Comment by Bernadine Spitzsnogel on March 18, 2017 at 2:51pm

He decided NOT to share; his Significant Other is upset with him for not sharing with our father.  I support whatever he wants to do. His, Foolish Monkey, do you remember me from Open?

Comment by Bernadine Spitzsnogel on March 18, 2017 at 2:51pm

Thanks for reading and comments, FM.

Comment by JMac1949 Today on March 18, 2017 at 2:57pm

To my mind, unless someone has some say in pulling the plug or responsibility with the estate or the disposal of the remains it ain't none of their damn business. That's what DNR's and Living Wills are for.

Comment by Jonathan Wolfman on March 18, 2017 at 3:01pm

So pleased you're here!

You know your dad; if you think lasting harm to him would ensue from disclosure, don't disclose, and, in any case, it may be your brother's first perog...no one else's. 

Hello to your son!

Comment by Foolish Monkey on March 18, 2017 at 3:01pm

I do remember you and I'm so glad to read you again! 

Comment by marilyn sands on March 18, 2017 at 3:23pm

My daughter just kept something medical from me & then told me when it was over.  She said she didn't want me to worry.  But I would've really wanted to know. R&L

Comment by tr ig on March 18, 2017 at 5:06pm

Are you the same Bea Spitznoogle from old open salon? If so, my goodness!

Well, if it was me I'd tell the old man, because what can it hurt really? And he might feel better knowing you don't think he's too 'fragile' to deal with it. 

Comment by Phyllis on March 18, 2017 at 7:17pm

If there's a way to make it light, then tr ig may have a point. He's bound to find out from someone since so many people know. It seems better to have it come from someone who won't make it a drama.

Comment by koshersalaami on March 18, 2017 at 8:30pm

Phyllis has a point. If there's a danger he finds out from someone else, tell him to preempt the issue. 

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