Recent revelations regarding retrograde reprobate Donald J. Trump compel me to add a few new entries in my compendium of political perfidy:

Collewd: to engage in a conspiracy that it is a political and moral obscenity

Downpuncher: a person who habitually abuses those below him or her in a hierarchy or pecking order

Electoady: an Electoral College elector who shirks his or her duty to act as a safeguard against the election of an unqualified demagogue or a person who might be indebted to foreign nations

Hairsute: a preacher or politician who spends the first hour of every day combing his hair and admiring himself, his hair, and his expensive suit in the mirror

Iconoplastic: insincerely and speciously attacking settled beliefs or institutions as a means of gaining political or economic advantage; see Deconstruction of the Administrative State

Mission-creep: an unsavory person who takes a mile when you give him an inch; see Oliver North, Roger Stone, et al

Mitch: to engage in behavior that is ultimately self-defeating, in an attempt to hamstring and defeat a political opponent, and to do so by any means necessary, even to the extent of opposing your own policies; see Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, Eric Cantor, Jim DeMint, et al

Mitcher: a person who takes great pleasure in subverting the will of the people

Pathologist: a person who would rather lie than tell the truth even if it is to their detriment

Perpsident: a person who reaches a high position of authority, in spite of his or her gross criminality

Sickophant: a person who browns his or her own nose

For those who may be interested, I'm including my previous incarnation of this dictionary. Some terms seem even more appropriate than they did at the time. Allusions to certain public figures may require a refreshing one's memory, since some persons skewered have fallen from fashion, relevance and the news. And though the names may have changed, crimes remain the same – or worse.


Accountaint: a professional money launderer hired to shelter income from partners, spouses or the government through offshore accounts or other dubious or illegal schemes; one who employs Enronian accounting to disguise toxic assets and to otherwise make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear; see Enron, Worldcom, Arthur Anderson, Lehman Brothers or any financial institution deemed too big to fail

Anti-Social Dissociative Disorder: a virulent reaction to even the mere mention of the word socialism; dissociative disorder is defined as “disruptions or breakdowns of memory, awareness, identity and/or perception”; this disease is highly contagious and is observed in groups at tea parties and townhall meetings; memory loss is evident in that participants cannot remember they benefit from public schools, highways, Social Security, Medicare and myriad other forms of social welfare; see Joe the Plumber (see also groupidity)

Armeanian: a follower of the mean-spirited political philosophy of Dick Armey; see also Freedomjerks

Aynal Retentive: obsessive/compulsive behavior patterns induced in an individual by over-exposure to third-rate economic diatribes by a fourth-rate fiction writer; such persons typically have little experience with the economic realities of the middle and lower classes, and thus have a limited capacity to reconcile theory with practice; see Alan Greenspan, Ron Paul, Rand Paul and Paul Ryan

Badgger: a person who attends town hall meetings only to badger and harangue the speaker, thus preventing any actual exchange of useful information

Bagger: a person who identifies with the Tea Party; also, a person whose reading is limited to Internet and email ranting by gasbags

Bankopath: a financial sociopath with no regard for the suffering of others, an individual who manipulates markets and ruins economies for self-enrichment, see Lloyd Blankfein and a host of co-defendants to be named later

Bankster: an individual who advocates for deregulated financial markets as a means to greater competition, while using every means legal and otherwise to eliminate competition; banksters are staunch defenders of capitalism except for executive compensation; through ill-advised mergers, banksters create monstrous concentrations of capital and institutions deemed “to big too fail”, while continuing to call such institutions capitalistic; see Lloyd Blankfein, Jamie Dimon, et al

Baaptist: an ultra-conservative religious extremist who ignores the teachings of Jesus regarding pacifism and communalism and instead follows the same militaristic, fascistic ideology as Saddam Hussein's Baathist Party; see also Kindergarten Kristian

Barker: a politician or pundit who ceaselessly and senselessly barks a party line; see Mitch McConnell, Rush Limbaugh and any employee of Fux News

Bathist: an Americanized corruption of Baathist applied to a reactionary or radical libertarian member of a political party who favors the complete elimination of government; the term may be derived from the expression “throwing the baby out with the bathwater" or from the oft-quoted statement attributed to Grover Norquist: “I don’t want to eliminate government; I just want to get it small enough to drown in the bathtub”

Batshitist: an unbalanced person who falls prey to batshit crazy conspiracy theories; Batshitists are more commonly referred to as Baggers, Beckers, Birchers, Birthers, and Truthers; see Alex Jones, Michelle Bachmann and Glenn Beck

Becker: a follower of false prophet Glenn Beck

Bimbast: a female politician who makes bombastic remarks about subjects of which she is utterly ignorant; see Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin

Bircher: a person who continues to believe outdated conspiracy theories espoused in the Fifties by a man suffering from paranoid delusions; a person who prefers conspiracy theories to rational explanations

Birther: a person for whom no amount of proof is sufficient and whose mind is so closed it is impenetrable by facts or reason

Blackrobitis: a dissociative disease that infects members of the clergy and the courts and leads them to subscribe to an ideology and their own infallibility

Blackrobaphobia: a malady caused by a rational fear of the clergy and the courts wrapping themselves in a cloak of secrecy and infallibility

Blaggart: a person who boasts about granting political favors in return for bribes; see Rod Blagojevich and most legislators

Bombastard: a politician who resorts to high-sounding, high-blown, inflated, pretentious rhetoric to illegitimately ingratiate his or her self with a gullible and ignorant audience; see Newt Gingrich

Bonusize: to grant a monstrously large bonus for failure

Bumperkin: a person so slow-witted and unaware the whole of their politics and weltview can fit on a bumper-sticker; see "Stay the Course", "Drill Baby Drill", "Don't Socialize Medicare", "You Can Have My Gun When You Pry it From My Cold Dead Hands", etc, etc, etc

Buypartisan: a lobbyist who bribes members of both political parties

Conspiridiocy: an addiction to lame-brained conspiracy theories such as those espoused by Birthers and Truthers

Consumative: an individual who purports to be a conservative but consumes natural resources and manufactured products with callous disregard for posterity; see "drill, baby, drill" and mountaintop mining

Corporatocracy: government of, by and for multi-national corporations

Crapitalism: a perverse and sordid corruption of capitalist economic theory; in The Wealth of Nations, often cited as the Bible of capitalism, Adam Smith described an economic model in which the affluent invest wisely and reward themselves conservatively as a means to achieve the commonweal; under crapitalism, the only responsibility of the affluent is to enrich themselves obscenely and undeservedly at others expense; see Dennis Kozlowski, Bernhard Ebbers, Ken Lay, Bernie Madoff, et al

Dealrivative: a form of financial transaction concocted to turn base metal into gold (see alchemy); dealrivatives are so named because they are derived from The Art of the Deal, also known as The Greater Fool Theory; see CDO or Credit Default Swap for details

Democant: a Democratic member of Congress who claims needed reform is impossible because of the intransigence of Republicons and Republicants, all the while secretly working with lobbyists to make certain reform fails

Dinosour: a member of the Democratic Party in name only; like dinosaurs of old, they are reported to be nearing extinction; see Ben Nelson

Duplomacy: the art of appeasing your enemies while duping your citizens; see Wikileaks

Faux News: , hateful, infantile propaganda disseminated to misinform and inflame the ignorant and gullible masses; see Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes

Freedomjerks: a group that demands absolute freedom for their kind, while denying freedom to others; see Dick Armey, Freedomworks and Armeanians

Futilism: a latter-day incarnation of feudalism that follows capitalism in post-industrial nations; it is characterized by the accumulation of great wealth in the hands of an extremely small segment of society, resulting in a generalized malaise or ennui among the masses, whose aspirations are continually thwarted, thus creating an atmosphere in which striving is viewed as futile

Gobblization: the gobbling-up of profits by corporate crapitalists, it can be easily identified by the giant sucking sound that accompanies it; gobblization is the practical effect of an impractical and insanely optimistic economic theory called globalization that holds unrestrained and unregulated flow of capital will ease political tensions by raising wages and living standards in poor countries; in practice, globalization merely exports jobs to low wage countries with poor or non-existent environmental standards and thereby eliminates jobs and lowers wages in developed nations, thus increasing political tensions around the world; defenders of globalization resort to a tired cliché, proclaiming it is "a rising tide that lifts all boats"; but in practice, it is a tsunami that sinks all life-rafts

Groupidity: A behavior pattern exhibited primarily by uneducated individuals who gather in groups of like weak-minded persons at such events as Tea Party rallies; groupidity is a barrier to an open exchange of ideas about complex issues; a common symptom is extremely limited thought and speech patterns such as endlessly repeating slogans like “government is the problem not the solution”, “stay the course”, “support the troops” and “drill, baby, drill”; another symptom is involuntary rejection of social responsibilities; ironically, victims of groupidity also exhibit acute paradoxia, expressed as a vehement advocacy for individual rights, while voting like a school of fish; see Paradoxia and Teapartian

Grovering: engaging in government bashing as a means to avoid taxes and social responsibilities; from the mewling of economic illiterate Grover Norquist

Gunnut: a person who believes God and guns are equally sacred and that it is the civic duty of every citizen to be armed with assault weapons at all times; a Constitutional Absolutist in regard to the Second Amendment, but a Constitutional Relativist in regard to all other amendments

Hypoxcrisy:  hypocrisy so blatant and so obvious it puts a pox upon a person in their own glass house

Incitizanity: the delusion that corporations are persons entitled to the same inalienable rights as human beings; see Citizens United v Federal Election Commission

Idiology:  an idiotic belief system such as those offered by Ayn Rand, L. Ron Hubbard, Grover Norquist, Glenn Beck and the vast majority of latter-day Libertarians; most major religions are idiologies, at least as they proffered and practiced by their fundamentalist adherents

Incumbetent:  an incompetent politician likely to be re-elected due to gerrymandering and the ignorance or willful blindness of his or her constituents; see Steve King, Michelle Bachmann, Louie Gomhert, et al

Infantasy: a childlike belief in the impossible; for Conservatives, infantasy manifests itself as a desire to return to a Golden Age (usually the Fifties) that never existed; believers delude themselves that Ozzie and Harriet was history rather than a fiction created to push suspect products on unsuspecting consumers at the dawn of the television age; for Liberals, infantasy has its roots in the Utopia of Sir Thomas More and its ultimate expression in the drug-induced hallucinations of Sixties hippy culture that featured cloying songs like "Share the Land" by rock group Guess Who

Insuragent: a terrorist who preys upon an individual’s most basic fears in order to sell them insurance carrying exorbitant premiums; an insuragent has the ability to render himself invisible should such fears ever materialize; see United HealthGroup, et al

Invaluid: a person who is emotionally crippled as a result of pontificating about family values, while at the same time answering to their id and engaging in all manner of sexual peccadilloes; see Larry Craig, David Vitter, John Ensign, Mark Sanford, et al

Kindergarten Kristian: a simple-minded religious acolyte who believes exactly as they were taught as a five-year-old and considers the Bible the inerrant, unaltered, absolute literal word of God; see also Baaptist

Lardgess: a bribe disguised as a campaign contribution

Lardgessist: a person who assists the passage of legislation with well-placed bribes; see Jack Abramoff and Tom DeLay

Liargessist: a legislator who denies receiving well-placed bribes or who denies such bribes influence his vote; see Duke Cunningham, Newt Gingrich or most other legislators

Libertarian: a person who believes an individual has no responsibility to anyone but himself

Libertarianism: the Scientology of political philosophies

Lipertarian: a person who pays lip service to Libertarianism, while insisting on access to social services for himself or herself

Lobbyist: a person who understands a well-placed bribe can be much more profitable than a lifetime of work

Misrepresentative: a public official who purports to represent the interests of his or her constituents, but who is far more interested in representing those who contribute to his or her own interests; see almost any member of Congress

Misunderestimater: a person who foolishly miscalculates the degree of difficulty in ameliorating or resolving a conflict or other intractable problem; see Lyndon Johnson, Robert McNamara, George W. Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, et al; see also Vietnam War, Afghan War, Iraq War or almost any other war

Moneterrorism: a religion based on worship of The Almighty Dollar; basic tenets of the faith are a belief in The Invisible Hand, Market Infallibility and Compassionate Conservatism; in practice, it has the same terroristic effect as The Inquisition

Murdocracy: a form of government that results when a democracy is corrupted by a massive rightwing media conglomerate; see Rupert Murdoch and Faux News

Murdoctrinate: to disseminate hateful, infantile propaganda in order to inflame the ignorant and gullible masses; see Rupert Murdoch and Faux News

Namesmanship: deliberate misapplication of a word or term to deceive someone into believing a policy is intended to achieve an end, when that policy is intended to achieve the exact opposite end; see Clear Skies Initiative

Newtnut: a follower of any soulless, spineless politician who spouts nutty positions in order to ingratiate himself with real wingnuts and promote the sale of his fourth-rate books, movies and other shady enterprises

Noblesse Sloblige: a perversion of noblesse oblige, the conceit that an utterly unqualified slob is entitled to a position of authority simply because of an accident of birth; see George W. Bush

Origanalist: an anal retentive person who insists on a strict interpretation of the Constitution, but only when it suits their political purposes

Originajest:  a person who makes a joke of the Constitution, treating it as a sacred text rather than an outline for governing a complex, modern society

Pacman: an individual who purports to finance a political action committee for the common good of a group of citizens, but who instead uses it to line his own pockets; see Koch Brothers, Rick Scott, Conservatives for Patients’ Rights, et al

Palin Principle: a corollary to the Peter Principle that holds in a hierarchy a person rises to his or her level of incompetence, the Palin Principle goes beyond and holds that in a hierarchy a semi-attractive dimwit can rise far above his or her level of incompetence; see Sarah Palin and Dan Quayle

Palintology: the study of a disease in certain small animals that causes them to grossly overestimate their abilities and attack much more fit animals, they literally bite off more than they can chew and like a pit-bull refuse to release a bite-hold even while being dismembered; see – oh, you know who

Paradoxia: the inability to perceive the obvious due to willful blindness; also the inability to perceive irony; for example, the vehement advocacy of individual rights by those who vote like a school of fish; see Teapartian

Pathologist: a person who would rather lie than tell the truth even if it is to their detriment

Pimperialist: a person who advocates the Unitary Executive Theory or the Imperial Presidency as a means to achieve unlimited capacity to pimp for corporate interests, especially a past or future employer; see Dick Cheney and David Addington

Quaylification: by-passing a qualified candidate for employment or political office in favor of a candidate who is a well-connected empty suit or a pretty face obscuring an empty mind; see Dan Quayle and Sarah Palin

Randumb: lacking the experience and/or the critical thinking skills necessary to discern that the sophomoric philosophy of Ayn Rand is in reality an ego sop thrown up to intellectual lightweights who mistakenly imagine they are exceptional;

Randumb: lacking the experience and/or the critical thinking skills necessary to discern that the sophomoric philosophy of Ayn Rand is in reality an ego sop thrown to intellectual lightweights who mistakenly imagine they are exceptional; see Alan Greenspan, Ron Paul, Rand Paul and Paul Ryan; see also Libertarian

Regressive: an individual who insists the affairs of men ought only be guided by jungle ethics; regressives purport to be conservatives, but rather than desiring to maintain the status quo, they wish to return to some magical Golden Age where the rich were permitted to take advantage of the labor of children and resort to other such Dickensian evils; also, one who thinks coloreds should know their place and keep to it; see also consumatives and crapitalism

Republicant: a member of the Republican Party who believes government can't solve problems and therefore the government should be run by people who don't believe in government; the Republicant answer to every complex issue is to "just say no"; see Mitch McConnell, John Boehner and the aptly named Eric Cantor

Republicon: a member of the Republican Party who purports to be in favor of reform, but does everything in his power to preserve the status quo and the prerogatives of powerful persons and corporations who finance his election campaign; see Charles Grassley, Orrin Hatch, Mike Enzi, et al

Robust: a word so over/ill-used as to be rendered meaningless; see also paradigm

Roebust: a failed attempt to overturn or circumvent the decision in Roe v Wade

Roegain: a bald-faced legislative or administrative subterfuge that circumvents Roe v Wade

Rovebust: a person whose diabolical schemes are so corrupt they must eventually blow up in his face; see Karl Rove and the expression "host with his own petard"

Rovert: a political operative who perverts the political process by engaging in racist appeals, brazen lies, character assassination or other underhanded tactics in order to secure the election of his or her unqualified candidate; see Karl Rove, Lee Atwater, Roger Stone, et al

Sickophant: a person who browns his or her own nose

Stenator: a public official fond of speaking in stentorian tones about the public good, meanwhile accepting payments to work against the public good; see every Republican member of Congress during the Obama presidency

Swinfoolia: a virulent form of influenza that incapacitates an individual and leaves them suffering the delusion they can fashion a silk purse from a sow’s ear; alternately, the practice of putting lipstick on a pig in order to appear outwardly attractive to the unobservant; see George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, Senate Finance Committee on Healthcare Reform, Gramm-Briley-Leach Act, No Child Left Behind, et al

Teamartian: a person whose political views are so uninformed and out of touch with reality here on planet Earth that they belong on the planet Mars

Teapartian:  a person whose political views are so reactionary as to belong in another century

Tonguage:  the process of misnaming policies or events to suit political purposes; the term is derived from “speaking with a forked tongue”; see Clear Skies Initiative and Enhanced Interrogation Techniques

Trumpgate: a scandal involving putative president Donald J. Trump that is likely to be far worse than Watergate

Truther:  a person who chooses to believe the most outrageous conspiracy theory rather than the most obvious truth; see also Bagger, Becker, Bircher and Birther

Turdblossom:  a term of supposed endearment applied to an individual whose character gives off a foul odor

Vilence:  behavior so vile, disgusting, reprehensible, despicable and audacious as to render the victim or observer momentarily speechless; see Newt Gingrich, Herman Cain, John Ensign, John Edwards, and a host of other reprobates who imagine themselves worthy of the Presidency

Voodude:  a proponent of free-market, supply-side, low/no-tax economic theory which holds that the way to increase tax revenues is to eliminate them; the name is derived from Voodoo Economics, a term coined by George H. W. Bush to describe the economic illiteracy of Ronald Reagan

Watergrate:  the irritating practice of comparing episodes of political malfeasance to the Watergate break-in and cover-up that brought down Richard Nixon, a practice that includes affixing the word "gate" when naming the offense; see Billygate, Bridgegate, Debategate, Emailgate, Faceliftgate, Irangate, Monicagate, Pardongate, Plamegate, Pussygate, Russiagate, Shitholegate, Travelgate, Troopergate, Weinergate, et al

Widergate: a political conspiracy and/or cover-up even more widespread and perfidious than Watergate; see Trumpgate

Views: 105

Comment by Ron Powell on December 14, 2018 at 3:31pm

Must publish in a format with larger circulation....

Comment by J.P. Hart on December 14, 2018 at 3:50pm

Frackin' Annapolis! Are you with SNL??
Orrin Hatch??: '... we got water coming in ...'

Comment by koshersalaami on December 14, 2018 at 8:52pm

The few I’ve read so far are great. Take a while to get through

Comment by Robert B. James on December 14, 2018 at 11:14pm

I’ll have mine bound in lather, sooner than later. Or quilted...can’t shave a bit off them there definenittions. Welllllldonnne.

Comment by Boanerges on December 15, 2018 at 7:56am

Wish I was smart enough to do something like this. Funny as hell and spot-on.

(As an aside, I also wish Tea Partyers would look up the urban definition of "tea bagging".)

Comment by alsoknownas on December 15, 2018 at 8:26am

"Perpsident" is a great addition. Funny stuff in a gallows humor vein.

Comment by Tom Cordle on December 15, 2018 at 9:11am

KS I'm thinking of making it into a book

Comment by Tom Cordle on December 15, 2018 at 9:13am

RBJ  Yeah, I could probably use an editor, but there is something to be said for exposition. On the other hand, I suppose I ought to leave something to the imagination.

Comment by Tom Cordle on December 15, 2018 at 9:15am

Boan  Thanks for the kind words. And I'm with you on wishing Teapartians were a whole lot more aware :-)

Comment by Tom Cordle on December 15, 2018 at 9:16am

AKA  Gallows humor indeed – laughing to keep from crying


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