On the first day the Lord created Property

I just wrote this for another site, where this probably describes most of the blogging population. I thought you might enjoy it.

In the beginning was the Void, and the Lord spake, saying: There is nothing to own here. Let there be Property. 

 

And He could not see that it was good, so He spake, saying: What is the point of having Property if I cannot see it? Let there be Light. And He separated the Light from the Darkness and saw that the Property was good. 

 

And it was Evening and it was Morning, and the Lord spake, saying: My property is empty. It needs Worth. And so He created the Plants of the Earth to create beauty and to feed the Animals of the Earth, which He then created so He would have something to watch. And He created the Sun and the Moon and the Stars to illuminate His Property, Day and Night. And He created Clouds and Rain to feed the plants and animals, as they needed to grow to create Worth. And He placed Gold and Silver, Diamonds and Gems, Minerals, Metals, Coal and Oil, and placed them beneath the land to enhance its Worth.

 

And it was Evening and it was Morning, and the Lord spake, saying: I have no one to pass my Property to, nor have I anyone to Envy Me my Property, and so He created Man and Woman. And they saw His Property, and it was Good.  And Man  and Woman begat others to Work the Property.

 

Then it came to pass that the evil Fallen Angel, Satax, came upon Woman and said:

We should Share the Fruits of the Property with others, for they are also creations of the Lord, they work and are Deserving. Let us create Government to Tax the worth and Share it. And Woman went to Man, and persuaded him that this was right. 

 

This angered the Lord, who spake to Man and Woman, staying: If thou share the Worth, who shall envy thee? And so He banished them from his Sight.

 

We are the Propertarians and this is our Gospel.

 

And the Lord sent the Profits, to make sure His children valued the Worth.

And then the Lord sent His servant Jesus, who spake:

Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s, for it is his Property.

And Jesus built an enormous Needle with a hole great enough for a Camel to pass through.

 

And out of Germany came a man most Evil whose writings would enslave large portions of the World. His name was Karl Marx and his writings brought about the Great Forced Sharing, the HoloCost. The HoloCost would last about three score and ten years until the sainted Reagan of Freedomland brought about its downfall. 

 

But the struggles would not end, as the Evil Democrats tried to bring Sharing to Freedomland, but they were beaten back by the Holy Warriors Gingrich, Nordquist, Koch the Elder, Koch the Slightly Younger, and Gecko. But the Lord was not pleased, and He warned that He would send the Kenyan to disperse much of Freedomland's Worth among the Medes and Persians, but the Medes were no more, so just the Persians. 

 

But though most of the People of Freedomland were still Evil, the Lord saved them in His infinite mercy with the Electoral College and brought them a King who is a True Propertarian to bring Worth to the Worthy in the Land.

 

The Worth be with you.

And also with you.

Views: 155

Comment by Jonathan Wolfman on March 7, 2019 at 10:41am

I tend to regard property as clutter. 

Well-done, Kosh.

Comment by Ron Powell on March 7, 2019 at 3:26pm

This could use some background music:

Comment by koshersalaami on March 7, 2019 at 3:45pm

I’m familiar with both the original and the Deodato take. 

Oh, it’s Sprach, not Spach

Comment by Ron Powell on March 7, 2019 at 3:56pm

The people/person who posted the video on YouTube made that error...

Comment by koshersalaami on March 7, 2019 at 4:14pm

Figured. 

Comment by The Songbird on March 7, 2019 at 7:29pm

I like this take, er, translation, Salaam.  The timeline, purpose, historics, progression, and - plays on worths.  Much smoother, and contemporary, than the original! 

Comment by koshersalaami on March 7, 2019 at 8:37pm

Thanks. I didn’t know how well this would translate here. Wherelse I blog I deal with a lot of people who think everything is Socialism and thereby should be condemned. Their thinking frequently comes down to this.  Not how they express it, of course. 

Comment by The Songbird on March 8, 2019 at 7:37am

Aah.  You know I don't dab in that much; don't know enough, and don't bother to stay-tuned.  But there's nothing wrong with corporeality, but without ephemerality as well, neither would exist.  Of course, then there would be no argument, either.  I myself love new-takes on old-things, for the wisdom lies in that same Between.  And I don't think there is such a thing as blasphemy either, except against something that has to tell ya so.  Eeeeeeveryone wants to be an Editor!  It's a noble profession -- many would not have the job if not for wits like yourself!!  

Comment by koshersalaami on March 8, 2019 at 7:46am

I’m not so much editing as presenting the assumptions certain viewpoints I see rely on in feasible form. I have seen unfettered free enterprise presented not only as the best solution for economic and social problems (which it isn’t) but as an actual value, as something to be valued in and of itself aside from its consequences, as something to be valued ethically. How do you get there from here? This is my version of what the path would have to look like, at least if the believer was religious in some way, which many are.

Comment by The Songbird on March 8, 2019 at 5:38pm

Oh, no-no!  I wasn't saying you were an Editor -- more that others like to jump on you, edit - you.  Strong points rarely like counterpoints; as you know, that'd require the same - independent thought.  Which is sort of the point that is often argued, either pro, or con.  Somebody said!!  Aych.  I for one certainly miss free enterprise and small biz; it was certainly good to me until I was driven out.  That lack of choice is what's glaring, to me.  

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