On the first day the Lord created Property

I just wrote this for another site, where this probably describes most of the blogging population. I thought you might enjoy it.

In the beginning was the Void, and the Lord spake, saying: There is nothing to own here. Let there be Property. 


And He could not see that it was good, so He spake, saying: What is the point of having Property if I cannot see it? Let there be Light. And He separated the Light from the Darkness and saw that the Property was good. 


And it was Evening and it was Morning, and the Lord spake, saying: My property is empty. It needs Worth. And so He created the Plants of the Earth to create beauty and to feed the Animals of the Earth, which He then created so He would have something to watch. And He created the Sun and the Moon and the Stars to illuminate His Property, Day and Night. And He created Clouds and Rain to feed the plants and animals, as they needed to grow to create Worth. And He placed Gold and Silver, Diamonds and Gems, Minerals, Metals, Coal and Oil, and placed them beneath the land to enhance its Worth.


And it was Evening and it was Morning, and the Lord spake, saying: I have no one to pass my Property to, nor have I anyone to Envy Me my Property, and so He created Man and Woman. And they saw His Property, and it was Good.  And Man  and Woman begat others to Work the Property.


Then it came to pass that the evil Fallen Angel, Satax, came upon Woman and said:

We should Share the Fruits of the Property with others, for they are also creations of the Lord, they work and are Deserving. Let us create Government to Tax the worth and Share it. And Woman went to Man, and persuaded him that this was right. 


This angered the Lord, who spake to Man and Woman, staying: If thou share the Worth, who shall envy thee? And so He banished them from his Sight.


We are the Propertarians and this is our Gospel.


And the Lord sent the Profits, to make sure His children valued the Worth.

And then the Lord sent His servant Jesus, who spake:

Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s, for it is his Property.

And Jesus built an enormous Needle with a hole great enough for a Camel to pass through.


And out of Germany came a man most Evil whose writings would enslave large portions of the World. His name was Karl Marx and his writings brought about the Great Forced Sharing, the HoloCost. The HoloCost would last about three score and ten years until the sainted Reagan of Freedomland brought about its downfall. 


But the struggles would not end, as the Evil Democrats tried to bring Sharing to Freedomland, but they were beaten back by the Holy Warriors Gingrich, Nordquist, Koch the Elder, Koch the Slightly Younger, and Gecko. But the Lord was not pleased, and He warned that He would send the Kenyan to disperse much of Freedomland's Worth among the Medes and Persians, but the Medes were no more, so just the Persians. 


But though most of the People of Freedomland were still Evil, the Lord saved them in His infinite mercy with the Electoral College and brought them a King who is a True Propertarian to bring Worth to the Worthy in the Land.


The Worth be with you.

And also with you.

Views: 161

Comment by J.P. Hart on March 8, 2019 at 9:52pm

Gs!please I missed the feature by 180 minutes! Strident endeavor koshersalaami. Sacrilegious within some council. Jewish humor without canned laughter. My dearly departed immediates were well treated by Merv Griffin (don't know where,Caesars?) which was a legendary cornering. Probably the Flamingo. Trip & and treat of a lifetime, let me tell everybody!
Look no further than Gary Snyder--meant to type Gary Seinfeld. Hold the margarita salt! Merv said--Master of Ceremonies, from time to time heavy lidded, Master of Sharing, paying it forward like a pass...!
Also (and I hope I'm not coming across as a sardonic sardine)(where was I??) !0! Pa-rump-pa-pa-boo0m...Pa!-rump-pa-pa-hume.... I suggest tangentially, you've relaxed some of the global parsimonious-pulsimaneous angst...and now I don't feel guilty for having had voted for Mayor Paul Soglin's gubernatorial bid-sky.
You know: 7 squared miles surrounded by reality.

(Near Truax Field, WI
Muching White Castle crab cakes Hmmm! Hmmm! Cajun zing:)

Comment by koshersalaami on May 22, 2019 at 2:41pm

White Castle makes crab cakes? I grew up on their steamed burgers. The last time I was in a White Castle, it was very strange, because everything was really greasy except for the burgers, which weren’t greasy at all. 

Comment by moki ikom on May 23, 2019 at 1:50am

i have not read yet beyond your post's title: "On the first day the Lord created Property" and i'm thinking how is that different from "On the first day God created Capital".  I will read on to explore for a difference.

Comment by moki ikom on May 23, 2019 at 3:39am

wow Kosh, i'm either too intoxicated or not enough so to follow the fiction though i wonder of the judaic mindset that invokes, the name "Jesus" as i wonder of the atheist that invokes the name "God" to prove something.

Comment by koshersalaami on May 23, 2019 at 5:25am

I invoked the Old Testament considerably more than the new, and the OT (or what I would call Tanakh) is from my tradition. On the site for which I wrote this, which has been closed due to the founder cutting off financial support for lack of growth (though comments are still up on the platform, just not the posts), I came across ostensible Christians whose view of morality was that the highest expression of morality was respect for private property. My point was to show that in order for Christianity to be compatible with that private property viewpoint, this is what the Bible would have to look like. It obviously doesn’t. 

I’ve seen this sort of phenomenon a lot, where many Christians I have come across (but not remotely all; this is absolutely not inherent in Christianity, just in some manifestations of it) think of Christianity as what they hear from the pulpit rather than what the Bible actually says. The example I talk about most often is attitudes toward the LGBTQ population. The most obvious and indisputable Scriptural point here is that neither Testament emphasizes homosexuality at all - references, however they are interpreted, are brief and not central - and that the disproportionate amount of time and energy spent preaching about homosexuality is simply not indicated in Scripture. Pat Robertson’s claims about God’s extreme anger about homosexuality don’t have a Biblical basis. In fact, in many respects it’s contraindicated. What Jesus is on record as saying when he encountered anger about sexual immorality is “Let ye who is without sin cast the first stone.” 

Megachurch attitudes toward money tend to be even worse (not less moral but more contrary to Scripture), hence this post. Jesus’ anger at the wealthy who ignore poverty is blatant and unambiguous. When Jesus talked about the relative advantages of feeding a man fish and teaching him to fish, he wasn’t making the equivalent to the modern case that we should cut funding to public education - if anything he was saying the polar opposite. 

Comment by koshersalaami on May 23, 2019 at 5:32am

By the way, did you notice the reference to unfreezing Iranian assets?


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