I mentioned in amy's blog that right now I'm totally self involved and yes I am and it feels farking good. I'm painting again - had stopped really putting aside time for it for a few years - packed up a house, broke myself doing that and other things, then unpacked a house and gradually started feeling an awful lot of pain because there's nothing quite like being an old lady getting thrown around by a horse or two and then falling off ladders and landing on radiators plus having a history of skating and falling and biking and falling and routinely walking miles and miles - the body evolved into a bit of a hot mess and not in the way I wish it still was.
so after having some hardware installed in my ankle I'm feeling somewhat better. using a cane and that's okay because it gets us priority treatment when we're out and about (to phyllis - YES GET THAT HANDICAPPED CAR TAG AND ENJOY!!) and I could (but don't - but have when I started my first post op excursions) use those electric scooters in supermarkets which are the shit! (but embarrassing) (one time I made a BEEP BEEP sound and got a mega stankeye from some upscale beyotch in whole foods) (fucker)
I'm painting. Im making some pretty interesting watercolors and it's frustrating but great too. you should know today in particular its hot as fuck out there - just had to come in - the thermometer read 107 - don't know if it's correct or lost it's little mind but it felt that hot, hot enough to force me to come in. so I'm drinking icy delicious mango juice mixed with iced tea and enjoying my cool living room and writing to you my friends.
but I'm going back out!
I'll either update this blog or do another and show you some of the stuff I'm doing. basically I'm obsessed with one tree and some shrubs. heres the boring story:
we installed a tall fence for the dogs immediately. but a survey done some months later showed we had fenced out about ten feet of our property which included said shrubs and a mature crabapple tree. we do not like the neighbors who benefitted from our error. they parked their heavy construction shit on the new fence and let their dogs crap all over our shrubs and tree, and even though they asked us repeatedly to not redo the fence and offered to care for the plants, we figured they're slobs and we wanted our land so we had our guy come back and dig out the fence panels and posts and we got our shrubs and tree and they are beauteous.
so now I'm painting. it's fun. this is MA. we have a lot of trees. I love doing tree portraits.
BUT finding my voice isn't easy. it's changed. so there's a lot of lame attempts coming out. oh..I can make a pretty picture but that's not what I'm about. I'm about the rhythm and the energy and the joy. it has to be true to what I'm need to feel when I'm doing it. and I can't control this. all I can do is keep trying until it speaks to me. I'm starting to hear whispers.