This is an old, old, old photo shopped picture. But, I like it and I don't think I've posted it for awhile.
Makes me think of you all, out there.
When I was hearing that voice in my head, I was thinking Maxwell Smart. Did a you tube google, and this ^^^ is what came up.
It stormed AGAIN, today. Last year at this time, we having a drought. This year I feel like I'm living in a hot steamy rain forest. Just got in from grocery shopping, and came home with TWO count them, TWO big cans of coffee on sale. I always feel 'rich' when my cupboards are full. So anyway, I made a big late night pot for myself and my youngest son, to drink while we internet. Him, with his games in his room with people from all over the country, and me out in the laundry room by myself in the corner, thinking my deep thoughts of days gone by. GB and my Anna out in the living room watching the cooking shows together. They invited me to sit with them, but I'm more in a coffee drinking and visiting mood this evening. Thought I'd see if anybody was online.
Julie, pass that coffee over here, would ya?
You are a night owl it seems. I'm in the sack by ten at the latest, up at five. My favorite time of day is early morning, birds going wild, rabbits eating my ferns, the light.
What are your deep thoughts on days gone by? Lots and lots of by gone days here too. I always think about my mom this time of year. She died in early July. I miss her every day. Now I'm about the age that I remember her being the most, and look like her and sound like her. I've been starting out the day in the studio by sketching a little silk change purse she used to hold subway tokens when she was a girl going back and forth to school. I'm surprised at how much love and emotion the simple act of drawing it brings up.
Heavy rain here too last night, beautiful on the roof, like a symphony. I just sat for awhile and listened.
Title has been changed. Picture remains the same, and it's not fair to tell other people how to grieve or what to say, in times like this. Speaking from experience, grief can very quickly turn to anger. This is a big one.
And, I'm really really angry that one of the good ones is gone. Gone from the world! So sorry for the family. damn damn damn.....
No, it's not right. It never is.
So stunned. Thought we all had years left to tell our tales with tr ig and bask in happiness, or not, but with good company....
but so it goes.
(words can be so inadequate)
best to you, Julie.
Will be back around....
Yes, this is a big one
I'm not the kind to go back and re-read all tr ig's posts - too raw at the moment, anyway - but I was drawn to the Fish and Eagle post the other day without knowing why, where I was reminded you and I had a great chat with tr ig.... if you ever feel like re-reading anything, that one's a good one.
Family funeral, friends gone forever, more family arriving for a visit next week.
Full up over here...
Grateful it's not 100 degrees so much this summer (so far) and NO smoke, that's all I can think of at the moment.
Anna, thank you!
What you said, stunned and shocked and just ...wordless.
I had just signed in, as usual in the morning. Quiet, coffee at hand, lit a smoke. Had this one up and after reading you and Greeny and Phyllis, was typing some silly stuff and sorta thinking about my mom. I do think about my mom, every day. That, and what with the cemetery and all, hardly ever totally all that surprised when people go away like they do, unexpectedly. Except, this time I was. That picture that I've got up top, is really how I think about you all and a lot of people in my life. How as you get to know people, they slowly start to come into focus. Or not. We never know any more about people, than what they feel like sharing. Every body is a persona, in a way. And tr ig, damn he was so good at sharing his life. I felt like I knew him and his family, and you did! I like what Nana was saying about how they 'gossiped' about this place, and how people do type for an audience 'cause that's how it was at my old place, years before here. One of the things tr ig was really good at, was drawing people out. Just about every one of my stories here, started with something he had mentioned. Like I said, I had this one up and was typing about some silly things, but I wasn't really satisfied with it. I thought, you know...better read the front page first, before I hit send.
And there it was.. "good bye, brother'' My very first thought was, 'is this real?' We had all just chatted the night before! So fresh in my mind. I couldn't help myself, I just started crying and all I could think was why am I crying? What about his brother and his son, and his partner? All the people here, that have known them for years...I deleted all I was typing about, and just wrote 'crying' and hit send. Didn't really think about the title. Just sat here, stunned. GB came walking thru and asked what was going on? I told him, one of my online friends just died. I've never mentioned tr ig, or his family to GB, but he knows about Anna, who's brother lives here and mine lives there, just enough information to keep it on the up and up, you know? He's not really interested, but he tries to be understanding of my time, online. He calls you all my 'pen pals'. GB's a good man.
And then, it's time to wipe my tears, and 'Go to work!' Life goes on. What's that old poem? Time stops for no man...
Except, I do think there are a few exceptions to that rule, and I do believe we all just did witness one of them that could stop time. For a little while, anyway.
xo, back at cha...
I like this ghostly laundry room. The front page feels like a pond that had a large rock thrown in a few days ago, the circles rippled away, and now its back to politics, as if nothing happened.
I have the same weird sense of grief. That someone I care about died, was just here, and suddenly isn’t. I mentioned this yesterday to a friend who thought it odd, at least not worthy of the same grief I have for my friend E. It reminds me of when your pet dies, how everyone at work wonders why you’re still bursting into tears three days later. It was just a dog, they say, not like a person.
Something I loved about tr ig was his honesty and authenticity. He was exactly who he said, a real person. He could spot dishonesty almost instantly–and woe to you if he did–but even if you were eccentric and freaky–especially of you were eccentric and freaky–as long as you were honest, you had a friend, one of those who really saw you.
I will miss the gatherings at his blog. It was like a train station where we all met sooner or later. This blog of Julie’s is like that, nana’s, a couple others. Kim’s was like that too. I never got to know James, although it seems he was also one. These conversations within comments bind us to one another in ways that arguing about Trump do not. If this site was only a place to argue about Trump, I would not be here, not would you.
Monkey said something recently, I forget which blog, that she felt like she knew tr ig. Me too. And he me. And you all too. We exchange bits and pieces of our minds in ways we don’t with every day acquaintances. There are people I’ve seen every day at work for twenty years whom I don’t know the way I knew tr ig, or they me. We’ve lost a real person. It’s a big deal.
Thinking about nana waking up at home today, and that feels good. At least there’s that.
First I wake up, glad to be alive, then I remember tr ig is no longer and the color values dim by a notch. I'm still shocked - and it's so true that we end up talking online in threads about things in our lives, feelings, past, that those in our 3D world relationships might not ever know ... a different yet equally valid caring grows up between writers who check in most days and share their world ... Kim and I talked about that fairly frequently at some point, the 'real'ness of friends online vs in person. He agreed we (we, the group) knew more about each other, on OS, in ways that just aren't really shared in 3D the same way.... and vice versa, of course, but that's part of the beauty. Most online friends I'd have no reason to know in person - or the in-person aspects wouldn't jive, yet we can through minds and hearts and typing. I was always very aware of that with Kim as I don't do well with drinkers in person and he didn't hang with pot smokers, which I was then ... and that's leaving out levels of accomplishment and types of work.... all which may not even factor in for those who have found each other online. Different yet equally valid, imho, if not more so, all that deeper sense of sharing... for me, with tr ig, it was even more lovely that it worked to visit in 3D as well. Works when people are genuine, maybe, and your 3D worlds are simpatico, I guess... and no one smells funny in person ; ) (No, no one I've met in person from OS has ever smelled funny.... but you get the drift. In person brings so many other aspects into play....).
Oh, gotta' go, back another time!
''Drinkers and Smokers''
That'd be a good title? I changed the title to this one, again. Every time, I sign online I don't know if it'll be the last time. I have such a love/hate relationship with this alternate reality. That was funny, what Anna says about the smells. I have thought that very same thing. There was this one guy, a long time ago, used to give me such a hard time about smoking and it would make me so mad. I mean, what difference does it make when we're online? You can smell the smoke blowing thru the windows? Read my mind!
''Y'all ready for the eclipse?''
Another title I was throwing around in my mind, thinking if I'm going to stick around need to put something else up there on the top. Right here, in Scruffy City where I sit it's going to be 99%. I'm trying to decide if it's worth it, with this being a once in a lifetime event, to fight the out of town traffic to travel just a few miles up the road to see 100%. 99 is pretty darn close. It'll be a memory for sure. I could tie this in with my girlfriend with the seal skin coat, or when my oldest was just a baby. Both those times, saw a partial and have stories to go with. 'Go with', that's an accent thing.
Then, that gets me to thinking about my oldest, and once again one of Phyllis's latest posts, ''Making way for new dreams''. I told a story in my comment there, to make it 'funny'. I haven't really been married 3 times, only twice. Growing up around so many religious people, I tend to count my first love as being married, since we lived together and had a history. I broke his heart, by leaving him, and then then he broke my heart by coming back into my life, 20 years later. That would be something for the 'memoirs' though, not in a comment string where we're sort of grieving from a distance.
Grieving for a brother's love...
Anyway, the coffee pot is empty and so are my thoughts. You all take care out there, and Have fun!
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