I have a confession to make: while I am the first to mock folks who watch reality shows such as the Kardashians or Housewives of Where-ever, I love Big Foot shows.

Technically, they are not reality shows because Big Foot does not exist (you heard it here first). Whether is it is Mountain Monsters, Finding Big Foot, Alaska Monsters or any of their spin-off and derivatives, watching fat, pathetic, armed red necks stumbling around and falling over each other in pursuit of something that does not exist, never gets old. I guess this means I would enjoy a Trump rally or a Texas open carry demonstration as well.

Anyhow, as I mentioned in my previous post, I signed on to Kindle’s Writeon site. What follows is my first contribution to their Weekend Write-in challenge. Submissions must be 500 words or less. The prompt was "what happens when a character receives unclear instructions."

It may surprise to learn that I churned this beauty out in 20 minutes flat. I don’t believe in wasting time before I make a bad impression.

The scene: Two Big Foot hunters in the woods on a moonless night

Hunter 1: Shit! My damn flashlight just went out! It's pitch black in these woods!
Hunter 2: I told you to do like me and wear your night vision goggles. Don't worry, I can see you.
You are about 100 feet in front. I will guide you to me. There seems to be a sharp drop-off on the left, so be careful to stay right.
Hunter 1: Your right or my right?
Hunter 2: (long pause) your right is my left, right?
Hunter 1: Right!
Hunter 2: Right as in "you are correct", or right as in right?
Hunter 1: Left, left, left! I hear a waterfall off to the right.
Hunter 2: Okay, I wouldn't go that way. There is a large hairy creature over there taking a piss against a tree.
Hunter1: You wouldn't go which way?? Your right or my left?!
Hunt 2: I wouldn't yell like that if I were you. I think he hears you. He's scratching his balls and sniffing around. God! That critters got a set! Message me on my cell. I have it set for vibrate.
Hunter 1: (in a loud whisper) Text me first. I don't have your number. Hurry, I'm scared shitless!
Hunter 2: Oh sure, I gotta use MY minutes! There! (A long pause) Why aren't you answering?
Hunter 1: I didn't get it! Are you sure you rang the right number?
Hunter 2: The 7687 number?
Hunter 1: That's my work, you asshole! I'm not at work, I'm in the fucking woods, with a fucking moron, about to be raped by an ape!!
Hunter 2: It's okay for you to get all snarky, but don't forget who DIDN'T bring his night goggles.
(Long pause with rustling and grunting all around)
Hunter 1: Are you still there? I'm sorry for what I said. I forget how sensitive you are. Are you still there? Is that you coming to lead me back?

Well there you go! I haven't been booted out yet. Someone questioned my use of the play format, but two people defended me. I take that as a good sign.

Views: 181

Comment by moki ikom on January 10, 2016 at 6:49pm

" I guess this means I would enjoy a Trump rally or a Texas open carry demonstration as well."   liked for this revelation,,  action on Left is nada, so the right-wing circus is entertaining. 

Comment by DaisyJane on January 10, 2016 at 6:50pm

darnit!  i love bigfoot, sasquatch, yeti, abominable.

i love him.  even if he isnt there, i still hold out hope - we dont know, gerald!  dont you know thats the whole point is that while we have no proof he is here - we also have no proof he isnt!!

a fun piece you wrote here.  those poor guys.

Comment by moki ikom on January 10, 2016 at 6:51pm

Maybe not nada, nothing,, just thoroughly erasured in mainstream media culture at present.

Comment by Julie Johnson on January 10, 2016 at 7:00pm

Hey! Even Les Stroud thinks there might be something out there...

Comment by Gerald Andersen on January 10, 2016 at 7:10pm
Alysa: keep the lights on. I may get kicked out of there yet.
Marilyn: who's on first?
Moki: clowns always get the biggest laughs.
Jane: I love the big ape too, but don't hold outtoo much hope.
Julie: I can't prove it doesn't exist, so maybe.
Comment by Gerald Andersen on January 11, 2016 at 7:14am
Alysa: porn with iconic creatures? Hmmmmmmm. I wrote a story on Open where one of the central characters gets carried off by a female Bog Foot who takes a liking to him. Perhaps I should develop tha idea.......

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