kathy at castle

 

 

IMAGINARY LETTER no. 4

(12/8/13)

 

Dearest K,

        I burned your letters tonight.  The different hued papers and inks with which you would write to me made a colorful flame.

 

        I realize that my letters to you were disposed of long ago.

 

        There had been a cold rain so I made the little fire on a hill under the stars.  I thought I should immolate myself on that pyre

 

        You are a flame in my mind.  Since our time together I know I have spent my life with my head on backwards watching that distant flame as if you were still near.  In that manner I have bumped into other women and hurt them

 

        A billion billion fiery cataclysms led to us meeting.  I want to be grateful for that, not bitter

 

        I needed a ceremony.  It had to end in fire as it had all begun

 

        Yes, I crippled myself loving you.

 

        No, I'm sorry, that is not true.  There is no one like you.  That's all

 

        I was lucky to know you.  And for too long I have needed my memory of you to be encased in perspective and placed in amber, a sacred relic, not blinding my eyes every day

 

        I have lived my whole life with a NONsense of destiny.  I have put myself against the Gates of Hell too many times with expectations.

 

        I have cursed and dishonored the very forces that created the two of us.

 

        No more.

 

        I shall be grateful for your daily breath.

 

 

Yours

 

Alan Grody

 

 

 

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Comment by Kathy Knechtges on December 9, 2013 at 2:27pm

you show deep humility and generosity of spirit    perhaps you are now ready to love again

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