Jewellya's Blog (81)

There Be Side Effects Besides Effects and Fair's Fairly Unfair

There are too many layers at this point.  Stuff I haven’t written down but I think should be written down. Trying to parse through them all, though, quickly devolves into chaos.

 I know I haven’t talked about the chemo side effects much, mostly because they weren’t bothering me much. But now they’re pretty evident, so I’ll start there. They’re still in the realm of tolerable, but people are asking me more if I’m doing ok. Perhaps I look more tired than usual. I hesitate to tell them…


Added by Jewellya on April 26, 2013 at 7:30pm — 4 Comments

the Good News is that I was Over-reacting.

Saw my oncologist yesterday to confirm the details of the measures I need to take this summer to keep myself sane. All conserns I detailed in my previous post.

Answer: not much. The factor of "Young and Otherwise Healthy" is a very strong factor in determining immune system bounceback. I basically act as if there is a cautionary flu outbreak...not an ebola-zombie attack.

The Bad News is I forgot my laptop today and I'm typing this up on my itty bitty blackberry while I wait… Continue

Added by Jewellya on April 25, 2013 at 12:51pm — 3 Comments

Making Myself at Home.

Waiting for Chemo Round 6, I was directed to the second floor clinic instead of the tenth floor clinic. It was a much larger area with a lovely ambiance and lots of comfortable chairs, sofas and recliners to choose from. The tenth floor clinic, meanwhile, is tucked into a long hallway with only semi-comfortable chairs which fill up quickly in a rush.

I came here straight from the Double Tree Hotel where The Company held the…


Added by Jewellya on April 18, 2013 at 7:00pm — 1 Comment

I had no words. And then I found them.

I remained quiet and avoided the news. Then prompted by a post on The Company's safety blog, I was inclined to comment. Of course I couldn't leave yall in the dark.

This runner's reaction:


The Boston tragedy will forever alter the typically casual…


Added by Jewellya on April 16, 2013 at 10:30am — 3 Comments

A Gnarly Sight to Behold

I arrived a half hour early to MD Anderson for Chemo Round #5. Well, more like 45 minutes early, but I spent  at least 10 minutes looking for a parking space worthy of my suburban in the 11-story parking garage.


Today was my department moving day, where over the weekend we will be set up on a whole different floor of our building, one The Company has not utilized for itself before. All we had to do was pack up our cubicle, and once everyone was packed, we could go. Well,…


Added by Jewellya on April 11, 2013 at 1:00pm — 12 Comments

Took the plunge.

Taking the heavy shedding last week as a sign of what I would experience after Chemo dose#4 yesterday, I went home to spend the evening working with scissors and razors to take it all off.

As I would pull a lock away from my head to cut it down to shavable length, a chunk of the lock pull out of my head rather easily, no pain at all, like an extremely loose tooth. "That would have been all in your bed," says my Aunt. I'm glad I didn't leave myself to make this decision at 5am…


Added by Jewellya on April 5, 2013 at 7:00am — 30 Comments


This Thursday was my third weekly chemo treatment. Typical chemotherapies seem to be dosed in 3 week cycles, since I’m getting this one –Taxol—weekly, my dosage is roughly one-third what some patients get.

I was told that between weeks two and four, if I am to lose my hair on Taxol, this would be the timeframe. Dosage two came and went and I found myself analyzing my in-shower shedding: Typical shedding? Chemo shedding? Hmm...seems typical to me. I guess. Maybe.

Then came this…


Added by Jewellya on March 30, 2013 at 8:00pm — 8 Comments

Chasing Pink Elephants

I'm sitting in the hallway of the MD Anderson Ambulatory Treatment Center. I had every intention of zipping on down here from work, hopping into a chair and zipping back to work for a couple hours post-treatment. I may still do that sometimes, but just as in any other hospital, of course nothing happens in the time frame you may hope for.  

My appointment was at 3pm. It is now 3:57.

Last week was pretty quick to get into a chair, only after an early morning getting a port…


Added by Jewellya on March 21, 2013 at 3:00pm — 2 Comments

The Uncertain Certainties

There are a few things in life we say are certain; death and taxes are primary on that list.

I was uncertain the mass on my chest was cancer. I couldn’t bring myself to hope that it was not.

With the diagnosis, my fear was not chemo, but the inevitable—the certain—maintenance of work interactions. The meddlers, the Jesus-freaks, and the woman who managed to make my life a means for her to feel important.

It took an email explicitly forbidding her discussion of my…


Added by Jewellya on March 10, 2013 at 6:14pm — 3 Comments

FUBAR doesn't begin to cover it.

I'm on the downhill slope toward egg retrieval, greatly looking forward to the end of this debacle. What that means is: I'm actually looking forward to chemo. Thank you, Houston Fertility Institute. Only you could pull this off.

After I assessed online that Ferring Pharmaceuticals did indeed have a program and that I should have received my Menopur medication for FREE, this certifiable cluster began its slide toward a resolution on Wednesday. Where Monday was a brain…


Added by Jewellya on February 23, 2013 at 5:00pm — 5 Comments

Attempting to maintain my faith in humanity.

I wasn’t given any financial numbers with which to make the decision for egg harvesting. Ideally, or ideologically, you don’t want the price tag to be a factor in whether or not you fight for the opportunity to have a future child. This is a spiritual sticking point that you try not to believe is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

But your reproductive endocrinologist is not like your oncologist. He is in a business, he might call it a practice, in an industry, he might still call it…


Added by Jewellya on February 16, 2013 at 9:00am — 2 Comments

I don’t remember closing my eyes.

My alarm went off at 415 Wednesday morning, but I laid there until I heard my aunt’s alarm go off at 430. I grabbed my zip-up hoodie and some exercise pants that are too big now to run in but easy to slip into. I found the most comfortable of bras and least embarrassing of panties, newly purchased a few weeks ago.

I had my second prescribed shower with the special disinfectant soap that doesn’t lather very well. I used two clean towels just as I had the night before. We were out the…


Added by Jewellya on February 14, 2013 at 8:00pm — 6 Comments

He's BACK!

Last night as we were about to take the rental back to the airport, I had a voicemail from the detective with the Auto-theft division that my car had been found. “I’m not sure if you had been told by now,” he said. Apparently, he wasn’t the first person to know about it. I had no idea how long ago my suburban had been found. I had no idea what condition it was in. I called him back and left a message—apparently he had something important to do and couldn’t take my call just then.



Added by Jewellya on February 9, 2013 at 7:30pm — 4 Comments

Like a chicken with my head cut off...

And what do i need a head for anyway? It's so heavy and cumbersome.

I left you in my state of disarray, I was waiting for two new beds to be delivered to my home. It was about 1020pm with no arrival nor phone call that I determined something must have gone awry.

I checked the receipts. The date the manager (whom i so endorsed in my last post) circled was indeed 02/02/13, Saturday night. Then i looked to the following page where the delivery charge was listed and that…


Added by Jewellya on February 8, 2013 at 9:06pm — 6 Comments

...and then my car was stolen.

I have a growing list of stressors:

1) Maintain schedule of endless doctors' appointments. Somehow making it to work on occasion to hopefully see some progress in my outbox. This stressor officially began January 18th, D-Day. That day also began my understanding that I will likely retire from this company. They are taking care of me beyond what i could have ever expected from an employer.

2) Do a few things to the house, such a buy a couple beds, to make things hospitable for…


Added by Jewellya on February 2, 2013 at 6:30pm — 5 Comments

Wants and Desires, Preferences and Priorities

I’m sitting here, thoroughly exhausted, trying to burn the hour between when I put my daughter to bed and when I get her back up to potty—without falling asleep myself. I will then take a dose of Tylenol PM or, no matter how exhausted I think I am, I will not fall asleep until 1 or 2 AM.  

Today I met with the fertility specialist to discuss my “options”. He had called me yesterday after meeting with my oncologist and various other specialists during the conference held each Tuesday…


Added by Jewellya on January 30, 2013 at 10:00pm — 10 Comments

Hair cut!

Went to a stylist today for the first time in YEARS. Whacked about six inches to a foot of hair off and dyed in purple highlights. Straightened it too so it will only look like this until I wash it. That'll be fun to see.

Letting yall know I'm changing my avatar.…


Added by Jewellya on January 27, 2013 at 1:00pm — 10 Comments

I have the veins of a three year old

I went for the MRI on Thursday--loud noisy thing. It was relatively uneventful and kind of relaxing, or maybe I was just tired. I was lying face down on a inclined ramp with The Girls suspended within the framework. I was pretty amused that I needed to adorn each nipple with a medically necessary pasty with a little ball on it. For my comfort, I was fully draped in a robe and a blanket, so at least I didn’t feel exposed.

And it was relaxing, that is, until my arms, resting on…


Added by Jewellya on January 26, 2013 at 10:00pm — 12 Comments

You know that cartoon...where the oasis is just a MIRAGE?

Wow. Hollywood needs to tap into this kind of emotional rollercoaster. Apatow wouldn't know what to do with it, but I think Tarantino could come up with something. He knows how to fuck with people.

Oncologist went through the pathology report and the new pathology results from the various stain tests.

Depending on which scan they’re reading results from, the tumor is either just under or just over 2cm long. 2 centimeters is also the cutoff for Stage 1 or Stage 2. So apparently…


Added by Jewellya on January 23, 2013 at 7:00pm — 4 Comments

Medical Update--Scans, Good News:

Mammogram in general did not hurt as expected. That is, until a "spot" was required for the mass itself. a smaller plate and a tighter squeeze meant i might notice some bruising in a day or two. Ouch.

Ultrasound concluded that my lymphnodes are clear. Big Yay!

A re-scan of the mass confirmed that it is about twice the size originally thought, which is why the biopsy was troublesome--Doc was pressing on one end, not knowing it was attached, which would move the other end further…


Added by Jewellya on January 22, 2013 at 8:00pm — 5 Comments


Hooking up on BS

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Just a Little Too

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Water View II

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The Merlin Of BindleSnitch

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Old Soft Shoe (POEM)

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I saw one Mountain Lion

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A Measure of Intelligence

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