Reflections of a Shallow Pond's Blog (56)

Johnson and Johnson.

Bless his heart... and... all other organs that aren't clearly visible.



I'll call him Burt. He's an older guy; looks to be in great shape, like he's led an athletic lifestyle since before I was born. The two of us have been cohabiting the Y locker room on an early-morning basis for the past few months.



Up until a couple of weeks ago, Burt had faithfully regaled a different patron of the cramped men's quarters, his raconteuring prowess…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on April 14, 2017 at 10:21am — 2 Comments

Cac Dúirt mo sheanathair (Shit my grandfather said).



Not sure if I've ever mentioned this, but good Lord above, I love folksy talk. You know what I mean—phrases and slogans and sayings that we incessantly bandy about, yet we've nary a clue how or where they originated. So hey, just for a little icebreaker, see if you can spot…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on February 12, 2017 at 4:24pm — 5 Comments

Hang in there, friends.

It happened. Yep, really did.

And still today, a week removed from one of the biggest political shocks in modern history, much of the world hasn’t fidgeted even an inch, still staring numbly into a future that looks a damn sight murkier than it had prior to November 8.

Even as the clock approached eight o'clock Pacific Time and the results began trickling in, things didn't feel all that ominous; the math still favored Hillary… and then it didn’t…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on November 15, 2016 at 4:30pm — 4 Comments

Finding Some Common Ground in This Age of Divisiveness.

This past weekend, I went to Las Vegas to do a thing with some people. So much fun, but as they say, what happens there stays there unless it's a blood-borne pathogen, so here are a just couple of highlights:



1) My friend Pete and I wore the same shirt to the Events and Adventures 2016 Seasoned Stallions Grub Tolo at New York, New York:…



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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on October 26, 2016 at 10:38am — 1 Comment

From Tricky Dick to Slippery Don: 50 Years of Presidential Hubbub



Turn up the ruckus.



Monday's inaugural presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump drew 84 million viewers, which is nearly a third of every male, female and undecided from sea to shining sea. Turns out it was the largest debate audience in history to boot, besting the…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on October 3, 2016 at 4:00pm — 3 Comments

For the Football Fashion Fanatic.

Happy fallish! Yeah, I know, it's not quite autumn yet, but since Starbucks already released the horse from the barn September 6, I can feel no shame breaking the seal on my latest Groupon purchase: a roll of limited-edition, pumpkin spice toilet paper! I understand, it doesn't skate the gully as smoothly as the good stuff, but the kids love it and boy howdy, does it ever pair nicely with an understated chai potpourri to gussy up an otherwise lackluster water closet.

Oh, and speaking…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on September 19, 2016 at 4:20pm — 1 Comment

I Could Really Use a Locktail.



And finally, after a colorful two weeks in Rio de Janeiro, the Games of the XXXI Olympiad are dust in the wind. Always fun for a fortnight every four years to crank up the Motorola and watch one freakishly athletic body after another perform one freakishly athletic feat…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on August 24, 2016 at 1:30pm — 4 Comments

Singing the New Bathroom Blues.

The tale I tell today is of triumph and torment. It's a six-day story of pain and victory, of love, labor and a livid lumbar. Grit flowed in abundance, its source the indomitable human spirit and the bottom of a plastic bucket. Lives were changed and destinies altered, but in the end a monument had risen like the mighty avian Phoenix from a scorched Earthscape.

You may be asking, in light of America's crumbling infrastructure, what is this tremendous public work to which I'm…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on July 30, 2016 at 9:17am — 8 Comments

Everything's Going to Be Fine-ish.

Suddenly summer.

Hard not to love this time of year. That creaky old lumbar don't pay as much mind, and the sun stays up longer than a starving cat in a tuna tree. Oh, just so you know, that's how I like to talk in the summer, like I'm back on the porch, sipping on a tall Hi-C.…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on June 23, 2016 at 8:32am — 2 Comments

A Lazy Carnivore's Guide to Delicious Dinners

Just a little announcement before we begin: Reflections of a Shallow Pond, from this point forward, will be a food blog. No more twisted fiction, no more raunchy rhymes, future posts will contain nothing but photos of my food—a bag of pretzels from the vending machine, half of a stale maple bar from two cubicles over—you'll see everything I eat accompanied by three to seven funny hash tags.

Aw, I'm just kidding. I'm actually getting started on a young adult series where our…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on May 29, 2016 at 11:09am — 8 Comments

On Location

Hello, wonderful  people of Our Salon! It's Flash Fiction Friday (right?), so I've got a micro-story to share with you. Any feedback is welcome, other than critiques of my Photoshop skills!

On Location

"Honest to God, that woman can be such a diva sometimes." Edward lifted the soaking paper and lowered it into the sepia tray. "Insisting that I use film for the shoot. And that I must personally process every print? Um, hello? Elton John called. He wants…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on May 13, 2016 at 6:30pm — 1 Comment

Trump vs. Hillary: Wake Me Up When It's Over.

Finally it's come to pass—Trump vs. Clinton—estúpido hombre vs mujer acostada.



Are you ready? If not, that's fine, because we've got a solid six months ahead of us to watch a muck-huckin' donnybrook not witnessed since Geraldo took a neo-Nazi chair to the face. We'll have a nice long exposure to this toxic spectacle, so let's just pace ourselves, okay?



And by ourselves, I mean me.



Four years ago, little intrigue marked…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on May 8, 2016 at 9:56am — 6 Comments

Ignorance and Hate in the Tar Heel State

Okay, what's up with this whole bathroom thing?

Back on March 16, the North Carolina General Assembly passed HB 2, banning employers and businesses from discriminating against employees or customers based on their race, color, country of origin, religion, age or “biological sex.”

Which is good... ish. Problem is, by saying what can't be done, Carolina's new law is actually…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on April 26, 2016 at 1:00pm — 14 Comments

The Yin's Fine, But That Needle's a Little Close to My Yang.

How open are you to trying to new things? Ever bought a pair of red Chuck Taylors, then actually worn them? Ever had your ear pierced in Canada then didn't get rid of it when you got back to the States?

Hey, me neither!

On a scale of one to ten, how game are you, with a one being, "Hey, Honey, how 'bout handing a fresh bottle of Pert over the shower curtain? You know I can't wash my bottom with a dirty head," to a ten being "Hell yes I'll eat that monkey!"?

While most of…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on April 15, 2016 at 2:55pm — 7 Comments

The Con Man and the Carpet Bomber

 
Let’s start with a quick quiz. True or false, Republican presidential frontrunner Donald Trump, at some point or another, has said each of the following:
 
“I don’t feel guilty for anything. I feel…
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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on March 31, 2016 at 1:30pm — 8 Comments

Seeing the Ocean for the Macaroni.



What's a good term for my situation?



Existential crisis? Nah, too dramatic.



It could be more of a midlife malaise, only that would imply I'll live to be 104, which would be fantastic. Problem is, if I'm currently peeing every morning in five languid installments, by the century mark I'll need a…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on July 27, 2015 at 2:45pm — 8 Comments

Together at Heart.

What's your earliest memory? How far back can you go?



At a staff meeting in my accounting days, the managing partner (I'll call him Dave) sat at the head of the long conference table. That day's topic was choices.



"Some people believe," he said, his Otterpop-blue eyes drilling through bushy Scandinavian eyebrows, arched and challenging, "that we choose our parents in the womb."



I remember thinking, "Okay, what? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on June 5, 2015 at 6:30am — 5 Comments

Free?

We're surrounded by opposite and competing forces—mortal enemies, if you will. 
Our world is teeming with toxic tandems.
There's Palestine versus Israel, Evert versus Navtratilova, Roadrunner versus Wile E. Coyote. There's Michele Bachmann vs. sound logic and factual data.
And there's me versus my own bloody self. 
In order to properly explain, please allow me to cast a dusty cloud of backstory particulates in your direction.…
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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on June 3, 2013 at 1:30pm — 1 Comment

Crap. Does This Officially Make Me an Old Man?

Today, I'm asking for your assistance.

You, the loyal reader, the benevolent soul who has kindly carved out a smidge of his or her busy docket to read my anemic diatribes.

You, the compassionate peruser, who has chosen to ingest my drivel while sitting on the porcelain perch after finally growing weary of studying the contents of every Tylenol PM and Kleenex box within reach.

Yeah, you.

I need you to help me decide whether my recent behavior is the…

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Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on May 17, 2013 at 11:00am — 3 Comments

The Real Mother's Day.

You probably already know this, but most holidays aren't celebrated on the days they actually happened, even a lot of famous birthdays.



Martin Luther King and Abe Lincoln are each honored on Mondays, yet King was born on a Tuesday, while Lincoln emancipated his spindly self from the womb on a Sunday. Honest.



Of course, we're not really sure of the day or date that Mary, without the benefit of an epidural or even some ice chips, bore J.C. back in the year zero. Rumor has it… Continue

Added by Reflections of a Shallow Pond on May 12, 2013 at 1:30pm — 2 Comments

NEW BLOG POSTS

Meatballs Go Well

Posted by Robert B. James on December 16, 2018 at 8:30am 3 Comments

Why is it always Texas?

Posted by Ron Powell on December 16, 2018 at 5:00am 6 Comments

Trump introduces new cabinet nominees!

Posted by Dicky Neely on December 15, 2018 at 2:20pm 1 Comment

The Bit Player

Posted by Robert B. James on December 15, 2018 at 9:30am 5 Comments

The Ly'in King

Posted by Safe Bet's Amy on December 15, 2018 at 8:30am 2 Comments

Furry Friends

Posted by Rodney Roe on December 15, 2018 at 5:52am 10 Comments

A 21st Century Political Dictionary

Posted by Tom Cordle on December 14, 2018 at 1:30pm 11 Comments

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