Johnny Robish's Blog – August 2016 Archive (29)

World’s Oldest Fossils Found in Greenland

World’s Oldest Fossils Found in Greenland:  Geologists in Greenland have discovered what they believe are the oldest physical evidence for life on Earth in rocks that formed 3.7 billion years ago.  So if I understand this correctly, the next time some smart-ass native Californian asks me where I’m from originally, I should tell them Greenland?…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 31, 2016 at 8:30pm — 5 Comments

Doctors Say Disease Lurks in Wind Instruments

Doctors Say Disease Lurks in Wind Instruments:  The LA Times reports that doctors are cautioning musicians to be sure to frequently clean their wind instruments in order to prevent the growth of a a dangerous fungus which is responsible for a possibly fatal illness known as “bagpipe lung.”  Those familiar with the dreaded “bagpipe lung” say they’re not quite sure why, but for some reason, the disease also appears to make men want to dress themselves up in the…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 30, 2016 at 9:00pm — 5 Comments

Man Shoots Self Instead of Raccoon After Sneezing and Falling Off Chair

Man Shoots Self Instead of Raccoon After Sneezing and Falling Off Chair:  A 81-year-old man has been hospitalized after accidentally sneezing, falling off his chair and shooting himself while attempting to kill a large raccoon that had broken into his home.  Police say they were unable to identify the raccoon intruder because it was wearing a mask.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 29, 2016 at 9:37pm — 5 Comments

Maine Gov LePage Leaves Profane Voicemail

Maine Gov LePage Leaves Profane Voicemail:  Maine’s controversial Republican governor Paul LePage left a long string of profanities on the voicemail of Democratic Rep. Drew Gattine after Gattine implied that LePage’s comments, which laid all the blame for illegal drugs in the state of Maine on black people, was racist.  Coming to his defense, supporters of the governor say he was a committed racist long before Donald Trump made it cool…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 28, 2016 at 8:00pm — 6 Comments

Coast Guard Spots SOS in Sand and Rescues Stranded Couple

Coast Guard Spots SOS in Sand and Rescues Stranded Couple:  The U.S. Coast Guard reports it has rescued a couple who were stranded on an uninhabited island in Micronesia after crews saw the giant “SOS” they scribbled in the sand.  Well one thing’s for sure, they can now cross “stranded on a deserted island” off their bucket list.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 27, 2016 at 9:04pm — 4 Comments

Usain Bolt Brought 10 Women Up to His London Hotel Room

Usain Bolt Brought 10 Women Up to His London Hotel Room:  People Magazine is reporting that Olympic gold medal sprinter Usain Bolt - considered to be the fastest man in the…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 26, 2016 at 9:00pm — 6 Comments

Trump Calls Hillary Clinton a Bigot

Trump Calls Hillary Clinton a Bigot:  Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told followers at a rally in Mississippi that Hillary Clinton is a “bigot who only sees people of color as votes, not as human beings.”  I can’t believe Trump would call Clinton a bigot in a place like Mississippi.  What was he trying to do, drum-up more votes for her?  Anyway, who better to warn people of color about Clinton’s bigotry than a shady, New York developer who was…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 25, 2016 at 9:08pm — 7 Comments

Earth-Like Planet Discovered Close to Our Solar System

Earth-Like Planet Discovered Close to Our Solar System:  In an article published by Nature World News, researchers announced the discovery of a new unnamed rocky “Earth-like” planet orbiting our nearest star Proxima Centauri, 4.25 light-years away from Earth.  The question we must now ask ourselves as a civilization is whether or not we will be able to reach that planet by the time Keith Richards has smoked his last cigarette.  At current rocket speeds, its…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 24, 2016 at 9:02pm — No Comments

Nine Million Americans Take Sleeping Pills

Nine Million Americans Take Sleeping Pills:  A five-year government study concluded that Americans are drugging themselves to sleep more than ever, with nine million Americans now taking sleeping pills.  Call me old fashioned, but whatever happened to drinking yourself to sleep?…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 23, 2016 at 8:30pm — 5 Comments

Ryan Lochte Dropped By All Four Commercial Sponsors

Ryan Lochte Dropped By All Four Commercial Sponsors:  After he falsely claimed he and three teammates had been held up by armed robbers at a Rio de Janeiro gas station, U.S. swimmer Ryan Lochte has been dropped by sponsors Speedo, Ralph Lauren, Airweave and Gentle Hair Removal.  On a positive note, the makers of Mad Dog 20/20 and Colt 45 Malt Liquor have generously agreed to pick him up.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 22, 2016 at 9:00pm — 3 Comments

Group Warns Target Boycott Failure Could Leave Christians With No Place to Pee

Group Warns Target Boycott Failure Could Leave Christians With No Place to Pee:  In a recent interview, the American Family Association’s Sandy Rios warned that should the Target boycott they’ve organized over the company’s transgender bathroom policy fail, transgender acceptance will spread like a virus and soon “Christians will no longer be…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 21, 2016 at 8:30pm — 7 Comments

Florida Student Kills Couple and Eats Victims Face

Florida Student Kills Couple and Eats Victims Face:  Officials say a 19-year-old Florida State University student whom friends describe as “a smart guy with lots of potential,” was having dinner with his family when he became angry, stormed out of the restaurant, killed two people and ate one victim’s face before being subdued.  Good grief, I’ve been to some terrible restaurants before, but the food couldn't have been that bad - could it?  This story…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 19, 2016 at 9:39pm — 3 Comments

Ford to Sell Driverless Cars By 2021

Ford to Sell Driverless Cars By 2021: Ford announced that they plan to begin selling driverless cars in the year 2021, beginning a new era in car travel. I guess when you make cars that nobody wants to drive, driverless cars are about the only way to go. …

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 18, 2016 at 9:05pm — 2 Comments

Ohio Man Arrested After Having Sex With A Van

Ohio Man Arrested After Having Sex With A Van:  A Dayton, Ohio man is in custody and facing indecency charges after a witness reported seeing him attempt to have sex with the front grill of a van parked on the street.

Wow, sounds like the witness must have caught him in her…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 17, 2016 at 9:00pm — 7 Comments

Piranhas With Human-Like Teeth Found in Michigan

Piranhas With Human-Like Teeth Found in Michigan:  Three large “vegetarian piranhas” with human-like teeth discovered in Michigan are causing environmentalists growing concern over tropical and invasive fish infiltrating the Great Lakes region.  

Vegetarian Piranhas with human-like teeth?  Yeah, well good luck trying to…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 16, 2016 at 9:30pm — 4 Comments

California Has Forty-Two Infants in Their Gang Database

California Has Forty-Two Infants in Their Gang Database:  An audit of California’s state gang database, CalGang, found 42 individuals in the database who were less than one year old at the time of of entry.  Police say they most likely belong to either the “Cribs” or the “Grandsons of Anarchy.”  Authorities say a good way for a parent to detect possible gang affiliation is if the child says things like “you wanna give me another swig of that formula…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 15, 2016 at 10:04pm — 2 Comments

Evangelist Claims Homosexual Lobby Stole Marriage and the Rainbow

Evangelist Claims Homosexual Lobby Stole Marriage and the Rainbow:  Walker Weldon of the American Family Association, is accusing the “homosexual lobby” of not only stealing marriage, but also stealing the rainbow, both of which are God-created and don’t belong to them.

Wow,…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 14, 2016 at 9:24pm — 10 Comments

Trump Spokesperson Denounces Obama Over Invasion of Afghanistan

Trump Spokesperson Denounces Obama Over Invasion of Afghanistan:  During an appearance on CNN, Trump spokesperson Katrina Pierson basically claimed that President Obama destabilized the Middle East when he made the decision to invade Afghanistan. 

Wow, all I can say is, Trump…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 13, 2016 at 9:30pm — 5 Comments

Study Explains Why Orgasms Help People Sleep

Study Explains Why Orgasms Help People Sleep:  A new study found that having an orgasm is not only fun, but also a great way to induce sleep - because when you orgasm, you release a cocktail of hormones that actually promote good sleep - including oxytocin, serotonin and norepinephrine.  Of course the exception would be women who’ve been with Bill Crosby, who are already fast asleep long before sex happens, let alone an orgasm.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 12, 2016 at 9:30pm — 6 Comments

California Grapes Threatened by Giant Wildfire

California Grapes Threatened by Giant Wildfire:  The wildfires burning across California are threatening wineries and vineyards across the region at the start of harvest season, posing a potential risk to the state’s lucrative wine industry already hit by drought.  Many local residents say they were unaware of the fire danger until they heard it though the grapevine.  All we can do is hope the California Raisins make it out okay.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on August 11, 2016 at 8:30pm — 2 Comments

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