Johnny Robish's Blog – July 2016 Archive (31)

Draymond Green Posts Picture of Penis to Snapchat

Draymond Green Posts Picture of Penis to Snapchat:  Golden State Warriors star Draymond Green, who will be representing the US at the Rio Games, was forced to apologize after he accidentally hit the wrong button and posted a picture of his penis on the social media site Snapchat.  That is why the US Postal Service recommends that - as long as time isn’t really an issue - its always advisable to send your penis pics through snail mail. …

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 31, 2016 at 9:51pm — 1 Comment

First Skydiver to Successfully Jump Without Parachute

First Skydiver to Successfully Jump Without Parachute:  A skydiver named Luke Aikins has become the first person to successfully skydive without a parachute, jumping from a plane at 25,000 feet above Simi Valley, California and landing perfectly on a 100-by-100-foot net, in an event which was broadcast live over the Fox…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 30, 2016 at 9:39pm — 3 Comments

Justin Bieber Turned Down $5 Million to Play Republican Convention

Justin Bieber Turned Down $5 Million to Play Republican Convention:  Bankrolled by GOP donors, Republicans reportedly offered Justin Bieber $5 million to play a 45-minute set at a venue near where the convention was held, but he turned them down.  The deal reportedly went sour after Trump told Bieber that he’ll insist the Mexicans pay for it.  And while I’m no fan of Trump and company, I’m not sure I could have turned down $5 million.  Guess its a good thing…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 29, 2016 at 9:51pm — 6 Comments

Wisconsin Policeman Had Sex on the Job 98 Times

Wisconsin Policeman Had Sex on the Job 98 Times: A Wisconsin police officer has resigned following an internal investigation that showed he had sex 98 times while on duty, a violation of numerous department polices and procedures. Wow, if you get pulled over by this guy, you know you’re screwed. I guess its not too surprising though considering the sign on the side of their police cars says “to protect and service.” Being a huge law enforcement advocate, Gov…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 28, 2016 at 8:56pm — 5 Comments

Coyotes Refuse to Leave Brentwood Family’s Pool

Coyotes Refuse to Leave Brentwood Family’s Pool:  A Brentwood, California man finally had to call LA County Animal Services after three coyotes were found lounging around the family pool for several days straight, ignoring any effort to get them to leave.  Come on folks, we’ve all been warned about not feeding wild animals - so if you’re serving coyotes Patron Cadillac Margaritas by the pool, just what do you expect?  …

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 27, 2016 at 9:00pm — 3 Comments

Americans Like Smartphones More than Sex

Americans Like Smartphones More than Sex:  A new Harris Poll found that more Americans say they can live without sex than without their smartphones.  Which, when you think about it, is really quite a testimony as to how good phone sex has gotten over the last few years.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 27, 2016 at 12:30am — 3 Comments

Solar Plane Completes Historic Round-the-World Trip

Solar Plane Completes Historic Round-the-World Trip:  A solar-powered aircraft has successfully completed the first fuel-free flight around the world, returning to Abu Dhabi after an epic 16-month voyage and demonstrating the potential of renewable energy.  Good thing the plane’s electric motors were powered by solar, otherwise, you’d need to find one helluva long extension cord.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 25, 2016 at 9:14pm — 2 Comments

White Sox Suspend Chris Sale After Bizarre Clubhouse Incident

White Sox Suspend Chris Sale After Bizarre Clubhouse Incident:  The Chicago White Sox have suspended pitching ace Chris Sale after he shredded a bunch of throwback uniforms in the White Sox clubhouse which he claimed were uncomfortable to wear.  Well now that the uniforms have been damaged, I guess the White Sox will have to put them on Sale.  Oh wait - they already tried that.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 24, 2016 at 9:24pm — 3 Comments

Dead Body Sat in Aussie Restaurant for Three Days

Dead Body Sat in Aussie Restaurant for Three Days:  Australian police are investigating how a dead body was able to sit unnoticed in the bathroom stall of a Hungry Jack’s fast food chain near Perth for three days.  Not so surprising when you think about all the times have you’ve walked into a public bathroom and thought "what died in here?”…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 23, 2016 at 9:36pm — 7 Comments

NASA Space Probe Confirms Mercury Has Ice

NASA Space Probe Confirms Mercury Has Ice:  In a surprising finding, NASA space probe Messenger has confirmed that Mercury, the closest planet to the sun, has a vast amount of ice at its north pole.  Who cares about ice?  Space probes don’t need cold beverages.  The real question is, does it have any mercury?  What the world needs now are affordable thermometers. …

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 22, 2016 at 9:05pm — 8 Comments

Roger Ailes Resigns as Chairman and CEO of Fox News

Roger Ailes Resigns as Chairman and CEO of Fox News:  Fox News Chairman and CEO Roger Ailes, drowning in a deluge of sexual harassment allegations, has resigned from the mighty $2 billion cable operation he helped create - effective immediately.  Now I realize companies are always trying to trim the fat, but it looks like Fox went right to the top with this move.  Guess you can’t really blame Fox for trying to cure what Ailes them.  And while I was never a…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 21, 2016 at 9:28pm — 4 Comments

Teen Gets Stuck in Storm Drain Trying to Retrieve Her BlackBerry

Teen Gets Stuck in Storm Drain Trying to Retrieve Her BlackBerry:  Firefighters had to lift a teenage girl out of a storm drain in Dover, U.K., after she wedged herself inside while trying to retrieve her BlackBerry mobile phone which had fallen into the sewer.  I don’t fault her one bit.  If I was still using a BlackBerry in 2016, I’d probably throw myself down a sewer too. …

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 20, 2016 at 10:53pm — 3 Comments

Everything Has Now Become Perfect

Everything Has Now Become Perfect:  After I placed my order for a cafe latte and a muffin at my local coffee house, the 20-something female taking my order told me “perfect.”  Call me old fashioned, but it kind of made me long for the good old days when things were simply “awesome” instead of “perfect.”…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 19, 2016 at 9:11pm — 6 Comments

Chicken-Less Eggs Now on Sale at Whole Foods

Chicken-Less Eggs Now on Sale at Whole Foods:  Whole Foods stores in California have begun selling Beyond Eggs, a plant-based egg substitute made from ground-up peas.  I thought, how could they possibly make eggs from peas - and then it occurred to me, they used “chickpeas.”

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Murdoch May…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 18, 2016 at 11:29pm — 3 Comments

Study Finds Your Pillow Has More Bacteria Than Toilet Seat

Study Finds Your Pillow Has More Bacteria Than Toilet Seat:  A new study found that the average pillow has more bacteria on it than your toilet seat.  I don’t care, I’m still not sleeping on my toilet seat. …

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 17, 2016 at 9:27pm — 6 Comments

Man Saws Arms at Los Angeles Home Depot

Man Saws Arms at Los Angeles Home Depot:  A man began sawing his arms at a Los Angeles area Home Depot - cutting them down to the bone - as horrified customers watched the scene play out, helpless to stop it until paramedics arrived to help the man.  Now I’m no carpenter, but there must be a better way to test saws at Home Depot.  When asked why no one tried to help, customers say they never "saw" it coming.  On a positive note, at least the guy didn't try to…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 16, 2016 at 8:44pm — 7 Comments

Military Attempt Coup in Turkey

Military Attempt Coup in Turkey:  Turkey was plunged into chaos after elements of the military launched a coup attempt, with tanks deployed in major cities and people swarming onto the streets to support the elected government of President Erdogan.  In response, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump announced if he were president, he would immediately place all turkeys under surveillance and take all necessary measures to prevent any additional turkeys…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 15, 2016 at 8:30pm — 5 Comments

Study Claims Marrying An Intelligent Woman Fights Dementia

Study Claims Marrying An Intelligent Woman Fights Dementia:  A new study found that men can help protect themselves from dementia by marrying an intelligent woman, which apparently acts as a “buffer” against the disease.  At first I was a bit skeptical, but it seems to have worked out well for Donald Trump.  Well, I guess that means I’m basically screwed.  Let’s face it folks, if a woman’s stupid enough to marry me, she isn’t gonna do much to ward-off…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 14, 2016 at 9:08pm — 11 Comments

KKK Recruiting in San Francisco’s Famed Haight District

KKK Recruiting in San Francisco’s Famed Haight District:  In an attempt to cash in on the recent racial strife plaguing the nation, the Loyal White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan have been distributing recruitment leaflets in the ultra-liberal Haight District of San Francisco.  Perhaps someone ought to mention to the Klan that even though they’re pronounced the same, the “Haight District” is not actually San Francisco’s “Hate District.”…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 13, 2016 at 9:39pm — 4 Comments

Eagle Tries to Snatch Little Boy During Bird Show at Australia Park

Eagle Tries to Snatch Little Boy During Bird Show at Australia Park:  Officials say they plan to investigate after a photo surfaced which captured an eagle trying to snatch a boy as he repeatedly ran the zipper up and down on a green hoodie sweatshirt at an outdoor bird show in Australia's Northern Territory.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on July 12, 2016 at 9:30pm — 6 Comments

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