Georgian Neo-Nazis Throw Sausages at Vegans: A screening of the Adult Swim series Rick and Morty at the Kiwi vegan cafe in the country of Georgia was interrupted when a group of neo-fascist skinheads entered and began throwing grilled meat, fish and sausages inside. Good grief, I believe that was about the wurst story I’ve ever read. What was their beef with the vegans anyway? Didn’t anyone bother to tell these neo-Nazis that Hitler was a…Continue
Blobfish Voted World’s Ugliest Animal: In a vote announced at the British Science Festival, the blobfish was voted the “World’s Ugliest Animal” and is now the mascot of the Ugly Animal Preservation Society. Not to be mean, but it does kind of remind me of something I coughed-up the last I had a bad cold. On the other hand, in all fairness, this picture was taken when it didn’t have any makeup on. I mean, couldn’t they have at least used a picture where it…Continue
Ohio Man Who Ate Half of Roommate's Brain Denied Parole: Prison officials say Ohio inmate David Allen Chapin, who killed his roommate and ate half of his brain almost 40 years ago, has been denied parole for the sixth time. Legal experts say Chapin really blew his chances by telling the parole board how much he longed for a home-cooked meal. When originally arrested, Chapin justified eating his roommate’s brain by saying that “a mind is a terrible thing to…Continue
Minivan-Sized Sea Sponge Found in Ocean off Hawaii: Deep sea scientists, exploring 7,000 feet down in the remote waters between Hawaii and Midway atoll, have found a gigantic sea sponge the size of a minivan that may just be the oldest living animal on earth. Wow, that was a really absorbing article. My guess is that its probably been sponging off the rest of the ocean for all these years. Now the big question is, how long before this sponge becomes the…Continue
Dr Heimlich Uses Maneuver for First Time to Save Woman’s Life: Henry Heimlich, the famed 96-year-old surgeon, used his namesake anti-choking maneuver for the first time to save a woman at his senior living center.
Seriously, this was the first time he’s ever tried it? Good…Continue
Woman Caught Smuggling Meth Burritos Across Mexico Border: Customs and Border authorities in Arizona say they nabbed a woman as she attempted to cross the border into the US with a pound of methamphetamine stuffed inside her burritos disguised as lunch. Why would someone go all the way to Mexico for meth? Weren't there any trailer parks around where she lived? All I know is, if someone tries to steal her lunch, they’re gonna be in for a big…Continue
Study Finds Depression Lowers Chance for Pregnancy: According to a recent study conducted by Boston University, depression lowers women’s chances for becoming pregnant. Researchers say that while depression may inhibit pregnancy, they do not recommend that husbands or boyfriends try using it as a means of birth control.…Continue
Massive Robotic Dinosaur Destroyed by Fire: A fire, caused by the spark of a welder’s torch, has destroyed a 90-foot-long life-like robotic dinosaur that was set to be part of an exhibit at a New Jersey theme park. Destroyed by a welder? My bet is that it was one of those creationist Noah's Ark Welders - trying to prove a point. Either that, or he was trying to perform an extremely difficult Tuesday Weld, but on the wrong day.…Continue
Pat Robertson Warns God Will Flood US Over Gay Marriage: Televangelist Pat Robertson has warned his TV audience that if the gays are permitted to continue getting married, God will flood all 50 states. In related news, NASA climatologists now are urging gays who wish to marry, to please consider doing so only in the country’s drought-stricken areas.…Continue
Hawaii Study Aims to Understand Why Sharks Bite: After an unusual amount of shark attacks in waters surrounding Maui, researchers in Hawaii set out to understand what is the reason sharks are biting so many people so much in that area. Let me get this straight - they’re trying to understand why predators bite? I’m gonna take a wild guess here and say that the one’s who don’t bite starve to death and don’t reproduce. If you ask me, what we really need to study…Continue
Internet All Abuzz Over Amazon Selling Penis-Shaped Lipsticks: The internet is completely losing its mind after it was discovered that Amazon is selling realistic-looking, penis-shaped lipsticks which are sold by a company called Mushroom.
OK, I get it - penis-shaped lipstick,…Continue
Man-Eating Nile Crocodiles Found Near Miami: As if scores of Burmese pythons and other dangerous invasive species weren't enough, researchers in Florida have confirmed that three, super-aggressive, man-eating Nile crocodiles from Africa have been captured near Miami. Wow, seems like just about everything wants to retire to Florida these days. Wildlife officials say its rather easy to distinguish a Nile crocodile from Floridan croc because the Nile crocs…Continue
Trump Delegate Indicted on Weapons and Child Porn Charges: A 30-year-old Maryland Donald Trump delegate to the 2016 Republican National Convention has been indicted on federal charges of using a minor to make child pornography, illegal possession of a machine gun and illegal transport of explosives. Good grief, sounds like this guy had enough weaponry to qualify for Trump’s Secretary of Defense! Meanwhile, some Republicans are starting to complain that…Continue
New Horned Dinosaur Species Discovered in Southern Utah: A novice fossil collector's lucky find in a remote area of southern Utah more than a decade ago has turned out to be a new species of spectacularly-horned dinosaur called Machairoceratops that lived 76 million years ago. What’s up with naming it Machairoceratops? What, are they trying to mock dyslexics? Was Horny McHornface already taken? What’s wrong with paleontologists these…Continue
White Supremacist With Hitler Mustache Arrested in NJ Woods: A suspected 42-year-old white supremacist with an Adolf Hitler mustache, is facing numerous charges after being discovered in a New Jersey woods dressed in combat clothing and with a stash of guns and ammunition. In all fairness, he may have just been trying to protect innocent citizens and animals from any transsexuals who might be trying to go to the bathroom in the woods. Say what you want…Continue
Concealed Weapon Accidentally Goes Off at High School Graduation: A man carrying concealed in his sock at a Kansas high school graduation, accidentally shot himself as well as a woman bystander as the pistol accidentally went off while he attempted to adjust his sock. And you thought your parents were embarrassing at your high school graduation? Ballistic experts say this most likely would never have happened had he not been wearing some of those cheap,…Continue
Woman Taken to Hospital with Nurse Shark Attached to Her Arm: A 23-year-old woman who was bitten on the arm by a 2-foot nurse shark while swimming in Boca, Florida, had to be taken to a the hospital by paramedics with the nurse shark still firmly attached to her arm. What’s so unusual about that? Nurses are always poking people in the arm with sharp objects. My guess is that the nurse shark rode along to the hospital to see if it could be of any…Continue
Three Dead After Cemetery Brawl in Moscow: Russian news agencies report that at least three people are dead and 50 others arrested after a brawl broke out in a Moscow cemetery between two rival factions of cemetery workers. Wow, I could be wrong, but I do believe this is the first time I’ve ever heard the words “rival factions of cemetery workers” muttered. Those who witnessed the brawl described the situation as grave. A cemetery spokesperson said that while they don’t…Continue
Trump Pretended to Be a Publicist to Brag About Himself: Donald Trump is denying reports that he frequently posed as his own publicist, using names like John Miller and John Barron, to brag to journalists about his financial and sexual conquests. Come on, what’s the big deal anyway? I mean, for the past year he's been impersonating a presidential candidate. While some are pointing fingers, I really don’t blame Trump for this type of behavior. I may have…Continue
Alligator Bites Off Arm of Florida Man Fleeing Police: Police are searching for an alligator that bit off the hand and forearm of a Lakeland, Florida man as he sought to elude authorities by running into a lake.
Wonder why they’re…Continue