Johnny Robish's Blog – April 2016 Archive (29)

Astronomers Find First Tailless Comet

Astronomers Find First Tailless Comet:  Astronomers say they have found a first-of-its-kind tailless comet whose composition may offer clues into long-standing questions about the solar system's formation and evolution.  Ironically, when scientists first observed the object, they weren’t exactly sure what it was, so they decided to put a tail on it.  Researchers say they were very lucky to find it before someone like Bruce Willis tries to destroy it.  When…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 30, 2016 at 8:00pm — 4 Comments

Study Finds Women with Larger Butts are Smarter and Healthier

Study Finds Women with Larger Butts are Smarter and Healthier:  A new study from the University of Oxford determined that women with larger than average butts are not only more intelligent, but also very resistant to chronic illnesses.  In related news, Oxford University has announced they will award Kim Kardashian an honorary doctorate for her contributions to medical science.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 29, 2016 at 8:30pm — 6 Comments

Female Terrorists Getting Exploding Breast Implants

Female Terrorists Getting Exploding Breast Implants:  British spy satellites have intercepted terrorist communications from Pakistan and Yemen, discussing women suicide bombers getting explosives fitted inside breast implants.  Intelligence agencies warn that anyone who tries anything like this will surely get busted.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 28, 2016 at 9:29pm — 2 Comments

Frequent Ejaculation May Lower Risk Of Prostate Cancer

Frequent Ejaculation May Lower Risk Of Prostate Cancer:  A new U.S. study suggests that men who ejaculate often may have a lower risk of prostate cancer than their peers who don’t do it as frequently.  So, if I understand this right, it seems I now have a choice of either going blind, or getting prostate cancer.  Let me think this one over for a bit.  If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my room - fighting cancer - and I do plan to fight it - hand over…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 27, 2016 at 8:16pm — 3 Comments

Texas Sheriff Would Beat Transgender Women Unconscious

Texas Sheriff Would Beat Transgender Women Unconscious:  Tracy Murphfree, the new Republican sheriff of Denton County, Texas, told reporters that he would beat a transgender woman unconscious if she ever tried to share a bathroom with his daughter.  And, to ensure the public safety, Murphfree said he plans to spend a lot of time hanging out in women’s restrooms, just to be sure there’s no transgender people in there.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 26, 2016 at 8:30pm — 5 Comments

Dozens Attend Retirement Party of 98 Year-Old Waitress

Dozens Attend Retirement Party of 98 Year-Old Waitress:  Dozens of people showed up for 98 year-old Angie "Ju Ju" Vergnetti’s surprise retirement party at the airport restaurant where she has worked as a waitress for the last 44 years.  Wow, hard to believe she worked there all those years.  Apparently Hooters isn’t such a bad place to work after all. …

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 25, 2016 at 8:00pm — 2 Comments

Many Red States Restoring Gun Rights for the Mentally Ill

Many Red States Restoring Gun Rights for the Mentally Ill:  Despite recent increases in gun deaths in the United States, many states are increasingly restoring the right to carry firearms for people who’ve previously lost that right due to mental illness.  I get where that would be totally necessary.  After all, we don’t wanna leave our nation’s mentally ill completely defenseless against a better-equipped, well-armed, imaginary enemy.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 24, 2016 at 8:00pm — 6 Comments

Colorado Legalizes Medical Marijuana for Horses

Colorado Legalizes Medical Marijuana for Horses:  Colorado voters have approved a controversial new amendment which will allow horses to use medical marijuana to lower pulse rate and reduce stress.  Marijuana opponents say supporters of the measure need to “get off their high horse.”…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 23, 2016 at 8:30pm — 2 Comments

Amnesiac Florida Man Wakes Up Speaking Only Swedish:

Amnesiac Florida Man Wakes Up Speaking Only Swedish:  A 61-year-old Florida man woke up after being found unconscious in a Motel 6 in Palm Springs, California, with no memory of his past and speaking only Swedish.  Kind of reminds me of that time a few years ago when I woke up in that cheap motel with empty wine bottles and Rosetta Stone CD’s scatted all over the floor.  Oh, what a night that was!…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 22, 2016 at 9:25pm — 2 Comments

Jesus on the Cross Appears In Mom's Sonogram

Jesus on the Cross Appears In Mom's Sonogram:  Aley Meyer has become an internet sensation after friends noticed that the fuzzy image on a sonogram of her unborn child looked to some to be the image of Jesus Christ on the cross.  …

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 20, 2016 at 7:30pm — 2 Comments

Louis Vuitton Fried Chicken Owner Fined in South Korea

Louis Vuitton Fried Chicken Owner Fined in South Korea:  A South Korean court has ordered a fried chicken restaurant owner to pay 14.5 million won ($12,500) for refusing to comply with a ban on using the luxury Louis Vuitton brand name for his outlet.  

I understand why they’d…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 19, 2016 at 7:49pm — 4 Comments

Americans Getting More News From Mobile Devices than Newspapers

Americans Getting More News From Mobile Devices than Newspapers: A new study from the Pew Research Center has determined that more Americans are now getting their news from mobile devices as opposed to newspapers.  Which makes me wonder, are we now gonna have to teach our dogs to “go fetch” our mobile devices?…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 18, 2016 at 10:13pm — 4 Comments

Mega Concert Celebration of 60’s Music Planned

Mega Concert Celebration of 60’s Music Planned:  Classic rock fans are ecstatic about the just announced concert to be held in October at the Coachella venue, which will feature none other than Paul McCartney, Bob Dylan, the Rolling Stones, Neil Young and Pink Floyd's Roger Waters.  

Good grief,…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 17, 2016 at 8:11pm — 8 Comments

Mountain Lion Strolls Onto LA High School Campus

Mountain Lion Strolls Onto LA High School Campus:  Students and teachers at Los Angeles area Granada Hills High School were forced to miss their lunch break and secure themselves inside classrooms after a mountain lion strolled onto the campus.  I think its a sign of the times that these cougars are now prowling high schools instead of hanging out in singles' bars.  Now I’m no wildlife expert, but I think its a pretty safe bet this cat wasn't there to solicit…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 16, 2016 at 8:30pm — 3 Comments

Couple Threatened With Jail for Overdue Library Books

Couple Threatened With Jail for Overdue Library Books:  A judge threatened a Michigan couple with 93 days in jail and a $500 fine for failing to return a novel and a Dr. Seuss book borrowed from the local public library.  Wow, sounds like the judge really plans to throw the book at them! …

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 15, 2016 at 7:47pm — 9 Comments

Mysterious Giant Sphere Found in Bosnia

Mysterious Giant Sphere Found in Bosnia:  Archaeologists admit they’ve no explanation for a very large, perfectly round rock with a radius of close to five feet that has been recently discovered in Bosnia.  Come on, it’s obviously part of a really big set of marbles used by the dinosaurs.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 14, 2016 at 8:47pm — 7 Comments

Bono Suggests US Send Amy Schumer to Fight ISIS

Bono Suggests US Send Amy Schumer to Fight ISIS:  Bono recently appeared before the US Senate and advised them that humor as opposed to more violence is the best way to combat extremist groups like ISIS, suggesting the U.S. send Amy Schumer and a few other comics to combat the extremist group.  Oh yea, I’ll bet ISIS will just laugh their heads off.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 13, 2016 at 9:00pm — 4 Comments

Ocean-Mapping Satellite Decommissioned

Ocean-Mapping Satellite Decommissioned:  NASA says it has decommissioned a satellite that tracks rising sea levels after its last transmitter failed, but estimates the satellite will still remain in orbit for about another 1,000 years before falling back to Earth.  Scientists say that means the satellite poses no threat to anyone living today with the possible exception of Keith Richards, Betty White and Larry King.…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 12, 2016 at 9:15pm — 4 Comments

Ancient Whip Found at Medieval English Monastery

Ancient Whip Found at Medieval English Monastery:  An ancient whip, discovered in the basement of a medieval English monastery, was probably used by monks to whip themselves as a form of penance and to ward off the Black Death.  Archeologists say they’ve catalogued the artifact as well as informed Porn Hub that such an item has been found. …

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 11, 2016 at 9:34pm — 7 Comments

Human Foot Found in Seattle Recycling Bin

Human Foot Found in Seattle Recycling Bin:  Police in Seattle report that a local homeowner found three adult body parts - including a foot - in his recycling bin over the weekend.

Wow, sounds like those people in Seattle are starting to take recycling very…

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Added by Johnny Robish on April 10, 2016 at 8:00pm — 5 Comments

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